My seefu and the kayu.

in the new kungfu batch, there is only 4 studen.
out of the 4 studen, only one is boy.
My seefu say that he is very kayu. I think seefu is just jealous that he has to share the 3 girl with him.
The studen name is hammababba and he say that my seefu is retard.

My seefu said that when he teach him, he start with basic. He teach him how to tie knot. He tie this way, then that way, then repeat 5 time, hammababba still dont understand how to tie -_-
Then he get angry so he say that hammababba is useless and that he was kick his backside.

hammababba also a bit retard. He believe the old man and jadi scared. He go home tell his fader that seefu harass him and like to massage the other 3 studen, but never massage him. so he jealous.

hammababba's fader also kayu. He run straight to the principal and complain that hammababba was harrased by old man and that he should be kicked out and that he wan to beat seefu up....

At this point ah, i think seefu pants were wet, but he never tell us, so we dont know.

My seefu say that lucky he so old now he no energy beat up hammababba's fader. I think he lying, he seem so energetic today massage this girl that was sitting right at the end of the row.

I think my seefu is a coward. I duno lah, that is my personal opinion.

I think he now start brush teeth. Today class not that bad. still smell like longkang, but today it smell like empty longkang.

Shah Rukh Khan’t come to receive Datukship

Yah, my seefu say not that he kant come, is because he paiseh. He have to kneel to one uncle and receive his "knight hood" from Malaysia. later he go around say he is knight of Malaysia, they throw slipper at his face.
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In other news, ahbeng wants an MP3 PLAYER!!!!!!!
He went up to seefu and this is how it went.
AhBeng: Daddy ah....
Seefu: *Snort* *Snort*
AhBeng: DADDY ARRRRH!
Seefu: HAMI SU LA..... karneneh...
AhBeng: what is garneneh...
Seefu: Nothing lah... its like say hello....
AhBeng: Oic....
Seefu: Now apa lu mau?
AhBeng: The otherday ah daddy, i go library see all my friend have something in ear. Then i ask what that, they say that is call MP3 Player.
Seefu: so? -__-
AhBeng: Well.... daddy wa pun ai... *shows gay face*
Seefu: okay. Today i in good mood lah son. here is one dollar. Go buy....
AhBeng: erm daddy Mp3 Player cost 100+++++++++++
Seefu: WHAT? WHY SO EXPENSIVE? U WAN LISTEN TO SONG FOR 100 DOLLAH AH?
AhBeng: *starts to cry*
Seefu: I tell you what, You take house radio, put in battery, carry around THEN SYOK DE BAH....
AhBeng: But in library woh.....
Seefu: NEVERMINDONELAH!!!! YOUR UNCLE HEAD OF LIBRARY NIA MAH!
AhBeng: OOOO okay lo....

That is why, when ahbeng enter library, very noisy.

seefu n tofufar.

My seefu say that the tofufar taste nice. I duno how he can eat the tofu if its far. I think he wan say tofunear, but because he retard he say tofufar.

The otherday my kungfu mate see my seefu going to happy feet. So he go say hello to him. End up he have to join seefu. Sumore must pay for both. =.=

Then to make things worse, kungfumate and seefu go to vegitarian lunch. My seefu order
chou toufu with fry vegitable.

When they come back to school ah, i tell you... My seefu talk ah, whole phour oo phour pengsan. Only one person remain solo there still enjoying every word said from my seefu. Sumore ask for massage :p

Then he angry cause he think we all sleep. He call us kayu and then say that if we were studen in his old school, he wack us de. But since new school say that cannot wack, he cannot wack. I think that they put this rule so that later the old man dont die. he wack one big fella, big fella wack him ah i tell you.... even you ex kungfu master boh tahan ah.... sure pengsan...

My seefu like ride moto. he say when he drive can mell fresh air. I pity people riding moto behind him.... smell longkang whole way... =.=

the other day i go supermarket i see my seefu. Guess where he go? He go shampoo section... so i folo lo, he take 1 bottle put in basket. i quickly go to shelf see what bottle it was...

It was shampoo that say "prevent hair loss". I make joke, i go take other bottle that say "long and shiny" and replace it in basket.

the only time i see my seefu in car is when his wife leave school. they had to build one special car for him with no roof and big seat. Because if got roof, everyone die becauz too smelly inside, big seat is because they wan balance out his weight. If they dun do like that, later car got one big hole.

Today i haircut!

Today i wen with my black black friend go hair kut.
We walk walk then suddenly see got one saloon cut+wash for only 5 DOLLAH!!!!!


so we go in.


the aunty behind counter ask: yes can i help you?


I was like we walk into saloon what u expect us to do. so i say haircut lo.

Then she take out price list, say if you want this person cut is 20 dollah, if u want this person is 25 dollah, if you want this person is 30 dollah...


I ready to walk out de. Then my black friend say "outside say 5 dollah!!!"


Then lady say like as if she forgot to mention... "that one is student cut your hair wan."


I look at black friend, he look at yellow friend, we both look at aunty and say okay lo...


Wahhh i tell you, she quickly take out reciept book so fast that even my seefu cant beat. Then she write down 10 dollah big big, then say: please pay now...


I stand there smile know that that would be the most nonsense haircut i ever get.


Then we sit down lo. one girl come to me, one girl go to black friend. They start put shampoo on hair. My hair too short, so when she rub rub, soap fly everywhere.... i also dun care care just as long as soap no masuk my eye.


Then after wash and all, time to cut. The pro guy come look at black friend first. I think the pro is gay and like my friend alot. anyways, he talk talk then cut cut abit then look at girl ask her do like that lo.

Then he come to my side. i say what i want he use machine cut one side then ask girl continue.


The girl spend 10 minute cut the other side but i look in mirror still look the same =.= Then she try to act like pro, end up cutting my ear. -,-


Actually i know she hit my ear or sumthing cauz i feel like pinch like that, but i never know that can bleed, then suddenly she run away.... i was like WHERE U GOING....


3 minute later she come with tissue start wipe wipe then i know that must be bleed de. Ironically when she run to get tissue paper, the pro lady there saw her. So she bussy boddy lai see what happen.


Then she see me stoning there with girl wipe my ear and shaking like world gonna end. so to make life better for everyone, she take over. Now the girl stand there like retard watch, and i have to explain my hairstyle to another pro again...


then suddenly she disappear. then when she come back, she had a huge BELT with duno what scissors lah, hair spray lah, blade lah, hair pin lah, this lah, that lah... i sit there smile to myself: this is true pro :D


Then she cut cut. Then i ask her make design on my head, she do a good job. I no make noise about my cut ear because i know that i got a 30 dollah haircut for only 5 dollah.

WAAAAAA EXAM STRESS!!!

tmmrow is my kungfu theory paper.
They will ask all kind of stupid question trick us.
My seefu say that the kungfu.inc is useless and that they cheat whole world.
He also said that annn waaar is good man, but till now no see anything happen...
I am go to study for paper tmmrow.

Dum Dum bullet!

This is quite old story that seefu repeated like 15 times in class, but its okay, i shall share with you.

He say last time when japan fight u-kay, they had big problem. he say japan create a special bullet. He say that they discovered that if you shoot a bullet that is very slow ah, when it hit ur body, it make big hole tear out ur flesh wan. If u use fast bullet, then when bullet masuk ur body no pain, bullet keluar also no pain. but because of lag, 5 second later then only you feel pain...

so he say that japan start using those bullet. Then they shoot damn slow, but when u kena, you scream like ur rounds rounds fall off....

now he say that they ban that bullet from use de. because it affect people emotionally....

If u go wikipedia search dum dum bullet, u'll see that my seefu talk semi-nonsense again. i think he going kuku since now no more durian season. You see, my seefu last time eat 10 durian for dinner...
my friend say that if seefu can eat 10 durian for dinner, he will PCC in public...
lets see what happen now....
i wan to sleep later i tell u better story...

My seefu was taikor u know! :o

OMFG!!!!!!
My seefu last time was a gangster!!!!
Wah his story ah, damn chun. This is how it goes.

Last time you see, before he started working for kayudanunik.ptd.ltd, he was working in one retard school. now in this retard school got alot of bully. When i say retard school, i mean SCHOOL FOR RETARD.

now one day, 3 boys come to the school. They start bullying the blind children. They press here, press there. My seefu see from his room. He wan do something but he was too scared. So he go pass water first.

then after he relieve his bladder de, he think to himself. Then he get idea.

Now he go outside, challenge the 3 boys. He say "GET OUT!!!! IF U COME HERE AGAIN, I SHOW U."

now imagine u are one of the 3 boys. U see old retard come out of building challenge you, what u do? sit down and cry? Hell no, you CHALLENGE HIM BACK LO.

So they take out PARANG and all. and challenge my seefu. my seefu almost wet his pants, but he control using the taufufartheory which i will explain some other time.

My see fu then say that he is great Cb Gang leader and that he have black belt in karate. the 3 boy see old man say that he know karate, they all drop parang laugh till pangsai.

then my seefu take action. he open his mouth and BURP. They all 50 meter away, almost die i tell you. then they obviously Run away like mad.

Then my seefu masuk school, straight go toilet cauz his peepee wanna come out de. then after 5 min, he come out and brag about how he syok chase all 3 gangster away.

when he told kungphuclass 4, we all laugh till lausai i tell you. He so happy think we laugh at his joke, little does he know that we laugh at his nonsense.

AhBeng's identity revealed!!!!!

Now basically AhBeng [now his name is Michelangelo.] likes this girl lah. She very hot hot wan, and now she model de. Michelangelo like her but because no guts, he shy tell her.


So one day he mentioned it to his kungfu buddies lo, and they all tease him about it, so he angry at them.


Then one day, he decide to "move in". So he go to model ask her to fetch him go home because his car battery spoil cauz water dry up. She agree lo becauz his house on da way go her house mah. She drive him go home nothing happen lah because he no ballz mar.


Then slowly slowly he get her to drive him home more more time. He make new excuse now say that his kar kena chopp by seefu.


She also dun care care like that becauz no problem wat. Then one day his kungfu mates see that he stare stare in model's direction during kungfu theory, so they start tease him again lo.


They tease him so much till he paiseh so he try pretend like he gay so that they stop tease him with her.


Kungfu mates also no care, they just make sure that they stay far far away from him and don't let him sit behind or next to them.


One day one kungfustudent bring poker game on handphone to play in the room. He start to discuss with other mates on how to win and all that lo.


This gay bugger [Michelangelo] also wan know what happening. so he come sit, listen and pretend that he know what others talking. Then after some time others leave the poker guy alone to play his game bah, then Michelangelo move in.


He ask how to play ah? but the student smart. He know that Michelangelo cannot play poker because his religion dont allow hm gamble. He say cannot teach becauz later if he kena caught, he can go jail wan.


Then Michelangelo start to put hand around poker's shoulder and start resting his head on his shoulders to watch the poker game on small screen.


Poker player jump up and screem WTF, slap him and straight go police station to make report.


On the way to station, he see model. She ask him y he so piss. He tell whole story. She say that she know Michelangelo and say nvm bah, so poker say what the heck: nvm lo.


Then next day while poker on the way home, he meet model again. She ask him if he see Michelangelo. He say no. then he offer to call Michelangelo for her lo.


Michelangelo see that poker is calling his phone so he press red button. Poker thought problem with his cheap hadphone so he borrow phatz phone to call Michelangelo lo.


This time Michelangelo pick up. Then he realise that it is poker on the line. He tell poker to STFU and GTFO and go PCC.


Poker quickly tell him reason why he call him and hang up lo. Ahbeng come running like a dog to place that poker, model and phatz are waiting. Poker tell Michelangelo that he is B-tard and walk off.


next day Michelangelo try wipe ass. but poker ignore. Then at night he try call poker but poker suspect that he is gay so he no pick up. After 30 minutes Michelangelo call again and listen to caller ringtone which was the song "apologise." [its tooooo late to apologise....] he then give up.


Then next day poker and phatz need take bus home. So poker ask people drive him to bus station,but everyone pretend no hear. then model was there. She say hat she can drop them there lo. so they all walk to model's car go lo.


On the way they see Michelangelo walk on side of road all alone and "emo emo" so they pity him and say nvm, we give him lift home lo.


They stop in middle of road and open door for him enter car, he mai. They wait there 3 minute in middle of road with door open ask him masuk car, he mai. so poker slam door, show middle finger and they drive off lo.


Then 4 minute later Michelangelo call phatz phone. he start yelling say that he and poker malu him infront of model by asking her to stop for him and al that rubbish lah. Poor phatz dunno how to handle the situation, so he pass phone to poker.


Poker blur blur so he say hi and try to talk. Michelangelo call him a babi and press red button.


Next day whole kungphuclass 4 know what happen. All very angry at Michelangelo. when poker and phatz go down stair buy drink, model shout and scold Michelangelo for being a b-tard. She scold so hard till poor guy cry non-stop for many day.


Now Michelangelo change name to Batman-bin-suparman and remain gay for life.



kongseefarchai!

aunties, uncles, brothers, sisters, fellow see-fu's in training, all the NTWB's [espically ahbeng.... no wait, its Michelangelo now.]


One of my fellow kungfu trainees has a "special friend" lah. Now basically this special friend is new to our kung fu school. To make things worse ah, the "special friend" is girl.


Today morning ah, my seefu call 3 students do "special" practical training in the very secure room which obeys the tofu theory lah. actually got four, but the fourth one is boy lah, so not counted.


now my seefu is very clever. He use techniques ah, WAAAAAAAAAA syok i tell you. He can stand on his head and teach you how to tie knots and all. he wont do for the guys, but he do for the special people. then he go home and fap fap fap. [its on google.com].


Or maybe he fap in front of them i dont know. maybe they also play inside i duno. cauz if they lie i duno.


Now today he told them one story. This one is real wan ah.


My seefu last time in ARMY u kno. He was a sniper.

Dont play play ah. He so pro that once last time, just before he was going to kill a very important person, he left his bag of bullets in his car. but by the time he realised it, it was too late. So guess what my seefu do? he throw the scope of the sniper almost 1+ KM and it hit the guy's neck and then that caused his life vein to tear. The poor guy becasme a fountain and died soon.


After that incident, my seefu love to eat chicken neck. he say that everytime he see a chicken neck, it remind him of his famous strike on that "person". He say when he chew, SYOK OOOOH, but then he also say that teach kungfu practical with his 3 new students is better.


Then he also mentioned that he know how to make BOOM!!!!!!!!!!


My mouth go like this:


I then quickly ask him teach me how to do. After i agree to buy him one bucket of chicken neck, he finally agree. He say do this:

  • Go hospital
  • stare at nurse
  • masuk germoderaphy loom.
  • i was like wtf is germoderaphy loom.
  • Then he say its where u treat cancer.
  • i was like damn. AHBENG also know how to spell.
  • then he say nvm
  • then he say u BE A MAN
  • DO THE RIGHT THING
  • BUY THE PURSE
  • no wait that was russell peters.
  • he said go to the machine
  • open up and steal the RADIOACTIVE SUBSTANCE!
  • then go home and keep.
  • Repeat the stealing step a phew timez.
  • Then u have enuf de.

Then you go home, and get 1 gas cylinder. U cut open. then you fill with gunpowder and make like small place to put flyFM inside. [RADIOactive mah]

then u carry that go up tall building 28 floor and light gas tank. Then u kill many many many people include urself.

He say he do before, very sucessful woh...

i know he shit too much, i get up, order dim sum for him then leave.

my firend cycle into a bus.

okay lah, not my friend, but actually my seefu.
He was infront of my friends house, and he was cycling lah. And basically there was this school bus parked on the side of the road. Now he was cycling VERY VERY phast.
Now he was dreaming and basically to cut this very boring long story about a 25 meter cycle, he smacked into the bus lah.
u wanna know what happened to him? [and the bus?]
Well.




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The bus:

My seefu

sad case

Today i hear something.
My kungfu buddies [all the fat ones] went and "mentioned" tofublog to one of the many seefu's [are females also called seefu? i never heard anybody call a lady seefu. maybe its becauz chinese shows dont promote it, or its because i dont watch chinese shows.]

Now here i am wondering if i should close this blog down. Later if my seefu find out i share his secret here on the "indernet" i kena. Sumore dont forget that ahbeng is part of the NTWB [ninja turtle wanna-bees]

I would just like to say that this blog is for entertain puropse only and that i everything here is just for fun. My seefu is very good at kungfu and i hope he later dont smack me too hard. because if he do that, i show him Watermelon theory. :D

Tmmrow i have one very hard kungfu theory paper in which i have to memorize all steps and predict what step will lead where. Also i must remember that this is not multiple choice and that i cannot "shoot hand gun" during exam.

[if you dont get the shoot hand gun thing, translate it. now have a good laugh. okay shuddup because people are staring at you.]

I want to ask you if you have heard of this thing call FREE MOVIE TICKETS?

My friend go cinema and come out, free 8 ticket.

U wan know how get?

VERY SIMPLE.

My friend masuk inside with 3 other friends and unfortunatly, seat was broken. =.=

So they give FREE 8 TICKET =.=

NEXT TIME U GO WATCH MOVIE, YOU JUMP ON SEAT AND PROVE THAT TOFUTHEORY WORK AND TARDAR! FREE TICKET!

I can suggest a way to get more free ticket, but cannot say here because some people might read my blog then i bye bye. Look Out for the NEW TOFUTHEORY coming soon!!!!!