Smart girl

PM was seated next to a little girl on an airplane that was
leaving KLIA. He turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that
flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow
passenger."

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and
said to Pak Lah, "What would you like to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know", said PM, "How about who is going to win the
next election?"

"OK", she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask
you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the
same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out
a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you
suppose that is?"

PM thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

The little girl then asks, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss
who is going to win the next election when you don't know shit?"

The grumpy pilot

Samy said: “If I throw a One Thousand Ringgit Note down there, the one who picked it up must be very happy.
[Note: One Thousand Ringgit Notes no longer exist]

Narjib said: “If I throw Two Five Hundred Ringgit Notes down there, then there would be Two very happy persons.

Pak Lah said: “If I throw Ten One Hundred Ringgit Notes, then ada Ten People memang happy.
[Note: Highest amount per note is One Hundred Ringgit]

Pilot mumbling to himself: “Why not throw yourselves down there, let 28 Million people happy?”

Samy and the Psychiatric ward.

Samy visited the psychiatric ward yesterday.

All the patients cheered "Hurray!!!" and clapped very loudly for him

But there is one patient who sat quietly in the corner ignoring Samy.

Samy asked with a confused look: "Why, why does he not welcome me?"

Doctor: "He is now normal and waiting to be discharged today."

An Old Imam

An old kampung imam had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects.

1. The Holy Quran.
2. A fifty ringgit note.
3. A bottle of whiskey.
4. And a Playboy magazine.

'I'll just hide behind the door," the old imam said to himself. "When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up."

"If it's the holy book, he's going to be an Imam like me, and what a blessing that would be!"

"If he picks up the fifty ringgit note, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too."

"But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and God, what a shame that would be."

"And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer."

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and heading for his room..

The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Holy Book and placed it under his arm. He picked up the fifty ringgit note and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired the magazine's centerfold.

"God have mercy," the old imam disgustedly whispered. "He's going to be an Umno Policitian!"

Say Cheese

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to show them what has happened. A Detective Inspector is sent and is taken to the first body.

'Clinton, 60, died of heart failure whilst in bed with his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector,' says the Coroner.

The DI is taken to the second dead man. 'Suharto, 70, made a pile from government funds, and spent it all on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.

'Nothing unusual here', thinks the DI, and asks to be shown the last body.

Ah,' says the coroner. 'This is the most unusual one. Dr. Maahathirr, 75, struck by lightning.'

'Why is he smiling then?' inquires the Inspector.

To which the coroner replies, 'He thought he was having his picture taken.'

M iss ing.

Get Vietnamese workers, dogs missing .
Get Ba ng ladeshi workers, Malay girls missing .
Get Indonesian workers, money missing .
Get Indian workers, jewelleries missing .
Get Chinese workers, husbands missing .
Call the police, the evidence goes missing ,
Call the lawyers, the judge go missing ,
Call the ministry of transport, the reports go missing
Change the government, funds go missing ,
Say something and you may be missing .




missing no good

The First Malaysian in Space

Mahathir finally sends a Malaysian into space courtesy of the Russians. Finally, after months of training, the Malaysian astronaut and a chimpanzee are blasted off into space.

Once in orbit, the Malaysian waits for instructions. The screen flickers and the instrucions are flashed on it:

"Chimpanzee, execute space manuever No. 23B"

The chimp takes over flight control and carries out the manuever. The Malaysian astronaut is impressed but patient... he knows his instructions will come and they'll probably be more complex than what the chimp just did.

The screen flickers again and more instructions appear:

"Chimpanzee, carry out scientific experiment No. 234"

The chimp goes to the lab and mixes chemicals and carries out all sorts of complex scientific experiments. While he's doing this, the Malaysian astronaut is impatient. He speaks to Ground Control tru the comm link: "Eh Control, how come I got nothing to do man... train for so long but the monyet does all the important work but I'm smarter than the monyet"

Finally Ground Control responds: "Be patient, your instructions are coming soon"

Finally, the monkey rejoins the Malaysian astronaut and they wait for the instructions from the screen.

The screen flickers and the message appears....

"Prepare for new instructions...."

A small door under the screen opens. Inside, there is a compartment with a wrapped item inside.....

"Malaysian astronaut, remove the item and unwrap then wait for further instructions"

The Malaysian astronaut unwraps the item and finds a banana inside. "Must be biogenetic banana" he thinks...

The screen flickers again....

"Malaysian astronaut, please feed the monkey"