"SEEEFUIMISSYOU!!!!"
Not said by me obviously lah, but by one of my classmate. The otherday i go kungfuschool to use the vely phast indernet download Movie to watch. She send me short message say that if i see seeefu i should say hi to him for her. I was like -,-
Then i met seefu, i wanted to spit in his face, but since the kungphu practical is coming up, i decided that i should wipe his backside a little while more so that he like me then maybe during the practical he maybe overlook my mistakes in formation and qualify me as a seefu also.
then today i met ahbeng. for all the people who dont know ah, ahBeng is seefu's son. Today i saw him from far far. I thought i saw ninja turtle at first, then i look closer IT WAS AHBENG!!!
He change so much wan. Now he wear big big glasses and wear pants so high just like his fader: My seefu.
I was like AHBENG!!!! then he stare at me. he come closer then tell me not to talk so loud. He say he change his name de. He say his new name is Michelangelo. I was like WTF u name urself like ninja turtle ah?
then he say he change his name and wear glasses to look smart. i say fine lah, he jadi cucu.
So just for kicks, i folo him go library lo.
He masuk library then he find one book he like. he go counter then put book on table then take out money ask how much. i stand there laugh like retard. Then the old uncle come. He look like my seefu abit, so i quickly shut up.
He give long lecture to poor AhBeng then ban him straight from library for 2 week.
I stand there look at old man like he also retard.
my seefu send me email, me no understand but still post here.
When you have an “I Hate My Job” day, try this:
On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand.
When you get home :
Lock your doors
Draw the curtains
Disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable pajamas and sit in your favorite chair.
Carefully open the package and remove the thermometer.
Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.
Now the fun part begins:
Take out the literature and read it carefully.
You will notice, in small print , there is a statement.
“Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested.”
Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times:
“I am so thankful that I do not work for quality control at Johnson and Johnson.”
HAVE A GLORIOUS DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT I
On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand.
When you get home :
Lock your doors
Draw the curtains
Disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable pajamas and sit in your favorite chair.
Carefully open the package and remove the thermometer.
Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.
Now the fun part begins:
Take out the literature and read it carefully.
You will notice, in small print , there is a statement.
“Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested.”
Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times:
“I am so thankful that I do not work for quality control at Johnson and Johnson.”
HAVE A GLORIOUS DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT I
Tyres.
Today My seefu say that he blame the country for producing such lousy tyres. He say that that day he can actually stop the lorry, but because the tyres on the lorry so nub, when he stand there, not enough frictrion so the lorry "skretch" him only.
Then i ask him if "skrekh" only, y he fly so far. [Incase you duno my seefu, he is very very phat okay]
he say that when lorry "skrekh" him, he feel like flying, so he call on the spirit of the humming bird, but then because he so phat, he say that b-tard spirit no strength to move him, so he call spirit of the flying dinasaur and the spirit was too strong so he fly too far.
Then i ask him about the durian, he say that he very lucky because he predict that durian will fall on his little brother today so he wear the same thing that rugby people wear to save their little broder from much much pain.
Later i tell you more facinating story, now i sleepy.
Then i ask him if "skrekh" only, y he fly so far. [Incase you duno my seefu, he is very very phat okay]
he say that when lorry "skrekh" him, he feel like flying, so he call on the spirit of the humming bird, but then because he so phat, he say that b-tard spirit no strength to move him, so he call spirit of the flying dinasaur and the spirit was too strong so he fly too far.
Then i ask him about the durian, he say that he very lucky because he predict that durian will fall on his little brother today so he wear the same thing that rugby people wear to save their little broder from much much pain.
Later i tell you more facinating story, now i sleepy.
the pro-ness of my seefu!
The other day my seefu told me he can teach chemistry. he also said that he can teach biology, Pure math, Mechanics, Business, Accounting, French, World Geography, Malaysian History, Moral, Architecture, interior designing, Construction [how to build DAMS] , Medicine, psychology, MASSAGE TECHNIQUES, politics, world history, KUNGFU, karate, Physics and gynecology.
He say that he learn each "skill" in three month and his favourite one is the massage skill which he uses quite 'often'...
I duno what he meant by 'often' but i think since im his student im not so smart, maybe u can guess.
He say that he has taught a 13 year old straight go UNIVERSITY u know... then he tell me its because of his "skill" that enables him to teach gifted minds, but because we all kayu, he dunwan waste time teaching us, but rather talk about ANNNNNNNN waar. and force us to laugh at his not-funny-jokes.
I really respect my seefu, but sometimes he act like asshole so i act like asshole also lo.
He wan challenge me, i challenge him lo.
He say that he roll in kow pangsai before so i bring FRESH pangsai from farm on moutain cauz i got one classmate there. I smash pangsai in his face, he get angry, so he use his special puke method.
his puke method is very secret. He wack u in one place ah, just touch only, make u vomit all ure breakfast/lunch/dinner that u eat wan.
He USE his puke method on me, NeverMindLo....
He say that he learn each "skill" in three month and his favourite one is the massage skill which he uses quite 'often'...
I duno what he meant by 'often' but i think since im his student im not so smart, maybe u can guess.
He say that he has taught a 13 year old straight go UNIVERSITY u know... then he tell me its because of his "skill" that enables him to teach gifted minds, but because we all kayu, he dunwan waste time teaching us, but rather talk about ANNNNNNNN waar. and force us to laugh at his not-funny-jokes.
I really respect my seefu, but sometimes he act like asshole so i act like asshole also lo.
He wan challenge me, i challenge him lo.
He say that he roll in kow pangsai before so i bring FRESH pangsai from farm on moutain cauz i got one classmate there. I smash pangsai in his face, he get angry, so he use his special puke method.
his puke method is very secret. He wack u in one place ah, just touch only, make u vomit all ure breakfast/lunch/dinner that u eat wan.
He USE his puke method on me, NeverMindLo....
I PUKE ON HIM.
Straight pengsan.
I WIN!!!!!!!!!!!
my seefu told me
Today very noisy.
I ask my all-knowing seefu why so noisy today.
He said:
today they jump-jump-shake-shake too much so they go cucu and make so much noise.
During another time long long ago i also asked my SEEFU the same question,
He said: these people don't eat babi thats y they so noisy.
When Chinese new year come, u can see my see fu shoot rocket into sky and clap clap jump jump and eat babi, BUT HE STILL SO NOISY.
Why like that wan?
Maybe he retard?
I ask my all-knowing seefu why so noisy today.
He said:
today they jump-jump-shake-shake too much so they go cucu and make so much noise.
During another time long long ago i also asked my SEEFU the same question,
He said: these people don't eat babi thats y they so noisy.
When Chinese new year come, u can see my see fu shoot rocket into sky and clap clap jump jump and eat babi, BUT HE STILL SO NOISY.
Why like that wan?
Maybe he retard?
AhBeng
AHH Beng is my seefu's son...
he has inherited his fader's smartness!!!
Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said, 'My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'
Ah Beng: I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.
Ah Beng: Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng: Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
Ah Beng: People consider me as a 'GOD'
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng: When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! U have come again.
Ah Beng complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house.'
Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?'
Ah Beng: 'I was watching TV news...'
Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for compliment.'
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?'
Ah Beng: Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?
Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng: The future tense is 'u will go to jail'
Ah Beng told his servant: 'Go and water the plants!'
Servant: 'It's already raining.'
Ah Beng: 'So what? Take an umbrella and go.'
he has inherited his fader's smartness!!!
Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said, 'My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'
Ah Beng: I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.
Ah Beng: Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng: Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
Ah Beng: People consider me as a 'GOD'
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng: When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! U have come again.
Ah Beng complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house.'
Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?'
Ah Beng: 'I was watching TV news...'
Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for compliment.'
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?'
Ah Beng: Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?
Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng: The future tense is 'u will go to jail'
Ah Beng told his servant: 'Go and water the plants!'
Servant: 'It's already raining.'
Ah Beng: 'So what? Take an umbrella and go.'
tofufar
my seeeeefuk say taste nice wan,
Taufufar..
I also duno why the tofu is far, but they name it like that so what to do....
Taufufar..
I also duno why the tofu is far, but they name it like that so what to do....
noobs...
penang clan/gangster/noobs....
Today my friend told me ah that penang last time got phive phamous gang wan.
But he never mention the tofu kongsi i duno why.
This clan ah is very special. They all train under commandoes. They can swim more than 10 KM with full gear wan. Not like the now days kommandoes that fall in swimming pool also drown wan.
They are trained by my seeeefuk who last time was one very pro sniper. He say he go up tree shoot 3 bullet sure kena people head, heart and one very important part wan.
He say then after that he say that he jump down and roll in kow pangsai so that when dog chase him they malu also chase him and go home wan.
he also say that if the k.hoo kongshi also challenge his kongsi, he will smash them like he smash table at phour oo phour.
He invite all people to join his kongsi, and till now also his kongsi still open. Only got 2 member right now, him and his wife. But he say by 2020 he expects to have "many many" people and "many many money".
But he never mention the tofu kongsi i duno why.
This clan ah is very special. They all train under commandoes. They can swim more than 10 KM with full gear wan. Not like the now days kommandoes that fall in swimming pool also drown wan.
They are trained by my seeeefuk who last time was one very pro sniper. He say he go up tree shoot 3 bullet sure kena people head, heart and one very important part wan.
He say then after that he say that he jump down and roll in kow pangsai so that when dog chase him they malu also chase him and go home wan.
he also say that if the k.hoo kongshi also challenge his kongsi, he will smash them like he smash table at phour oo phour.
He invite all people to join his kongsi, and till now also his kongsi still open. Only got 2 member right now, him and his wife. But he say by 2020 he expects to have "many many" people and "many many money".
so all who looking for kongsi, please join tofu kongsi and help my seeeeefuk make his 2020 dream come true.
Thankyou
Ahbeng.
DAI DEE + TOFU!!!
this is a theory from ancient times [or atleast since the "big two" card game was invented]
My seefu however uses a different method:
He imagines that the deck is actually a bowl of DIM SUMS!!!
and he also keeps in his memory the experiment classes that he had with his students. He said that he had fun and his mental stress was decreased!!!!!!
he also said that if we were to try his experimental class method, we would see a leaning tower of pisa when we look into our soul.
So when you play DAI DEE all you have to imagine is a tofu that you are trying to slice thin thin into tiny little pieces and tardar!!!!
U will win!!!!
Its very simple.
my seefu said that if i were to imagine that the pack of
decks was actually a slice of tofu, it would halp me concentrate.
He imagines that the deck is actually a bowl of DIM SUMS!!!
and he also keeps in his memory the experiment classes that he had with his students. He said that he had fun and his mental stress was decreased!!!!!!
he also said that if we were to try his experimental class method, we would see a leaning tower of pisa when we look into our soul.
So when you play DAI DEE all you have to imagine is a tofu that you are trying to slice thin thin into tiny little pieces and tardar!!!!
U will win!!!!
Today i discovered something!!
When ur driving, and if you have no hair on top and you wanna do some damage, very simple wan.
all you do is u look down wan and TARDAR!!!!!
Shiny shiny bah, so everyone blinded jadi accident lo.
all you do is u look down wan and TARDAR!!!!!
Shiny shiny bah, so everyone blinded jadi accident lo.
THE TOFU STANCE
I have learnt a new stance that makes me UNABLE. i repeat UNABLE to fall down!!!!!!
ITS called The "TOFU STANCE!!!!"
ALL you have to do is:
AND You'll NEVER FALL DOWN!!!!!
I showed it to some people who i forced to watch and they were fascinated!
Especially the nerd in the front, and the other nerd on the second row!!!!
THATS ALL YA'LL!!!!
in memory of a lost friend.
(A girl and guy were speeding over 100 mph on a motorcycle)
Girl: Slow
down. Im scared.
Guy: No this is fun.
Girl: No its not. Please, its to scary!
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.
(Girl hugs him)
Guy: Can u take my helmet off and put it on? Its bugging me.
In the paper the next day: A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on the motorcycle, but only one survived.
The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his breaks broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him, felt her hug one last time, then had her wear his helmet so she would live even though it meant he would die.
Girl: Slow
down. Im scared.
Guy: No this is fun.
Girl: No its not. Please, its to scary!
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.
(Girl hugs him)
Guy: Can u take my helmet off and put it on? Its bugging me.
In the paper the next day: A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on the motorcycle, but only one survived.
The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his breaks broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him, felt her hug one last time, then had her wear his helmet so she would live even though it meant he would die.
Ladies and shentalman
I announce the launch of the tofutheory blog where all kinds of nonsense shall be posted over the days to come.
Today i shall yak abit about life on mars.
It seems that on mars, there are little tiny green people that have the ability to shape shift! the planet also has this substance- water that isn't water.
And while we are talking about mars, lets also talk about its neighbour! Earth!
earth has a gravitational pull which is very strong. For instance, while holidaying on the moon, i accidentally fell off the 2oth floor of the moon-space-expensive-hotel and i just floated to the ground!!! okay so i didn't float, i fell and landed softly.
On earth if you were to jump out of a 20th story window [or a door that was placed in the wrong place] you would experience the tofu theory yourself.
Today i shall yak abit about life on mars.
It seems that on mars, there are little tiny green people that have the ability to shape shift! the planet also has this substance- water that isn't water.
And while we are talking about mars, lets also talk about its neighbour! Earth!
earth has a gravitational pull which is very strong. For instance, while holidaying on the moon, i accidentally fell off the 2oth floor of the moon-space-expensive-hotel and i just floated to the ground!!! okay so i didn't float, i fell and landed softly.
On earth if you were to jump out of a 20th story window [or a door that was placed in the wrong place] you would experience the tofu theory yourself.
"When you are tofu and you smack hard hard thing, that thing don't change mah!
tofu splat wad..."And that's my nonsense for today.
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