My friend is a hero.

Okay lah, i lied.

He was using laptop and he saw something, straight kena eyebleed. =.=

that was a lie too.

This is what happen.

My friend play phootball. noe while playing phootball, the guy always take goalkee-pee-r position. Now this is what happen.

The striker kick the ball and my friend as usual because he like kiss the floor so much, do a dive. Then his defender like him so much that the defender take opportunity of him on the floor and jump on him. [defender is what we call softy...phargot]

Then the defender's thing poke the goalkeeper's eye.

Wah i tell you, the goalkeeper got up and see everything red. Then he ask his team mate why ball turn red colour. The friend is very smart. he say that maybe goalkeeper watch too many prawn at home so the big boss *points to sky* give him colour blindness.

Straight go hospital, now he cannot PCC de. no 'privacy'

Hotels

today i pass by one hotels in penang. I saw one man sell insurance for car and school. They were also showing film there. It is there that i met ahbeng.

He was driving a Shentoo showing off like as if he drive mazda RX7. he drive drive then whack into bole.
whole car flip and fall into longkang. they try bring him out, but cannot.

now he is with my old seefu.

OmgSoSadMyKungFuMateOldAlready

*THIS IS STRICTLY FOR FUN. NO EMO-ing PLEASE.*

Remember that the Harlal boy broke the table?

Well, fortunately he wasn't sitting behind me. unfortunately, he was sitting behind the dude who always sits to my left. That poor b-tard kena wack so hard by the shockwave produced by the table-chop, whole day today class so quiet.

Then i overhear that he and his 'special friend' [who look like a duckasaur] plan to do something 'do'night.

then i ask what they talking about, he just look at me and show constipated face.

Then somebody yell from back: "tmmrow is his bday lah!!!!"

so whole row agree to go to his house at 12 am make noise and give him bday cake with present.

Everyone climb over wall of his compound and almost get bitten by his 2 dog. we give them harlal food, they shuddup de.

We open door and climb up stairs, open room door and jump inside room.

Unfortunately he was playing bu long sai with duck and barney on bed. We kena shot by a300 and now, eyes damn pain.

so much for surprise! -,-

Kungfu continues.

Since my seefu left *may that old fart be in peace.*, the kungfuschool was quick to replace his ass with another Kungfu seefu that is even greater than my previous seefu. *may that old fart be in peace.*


And to top everything, the new seefu is a lady! imagine a lady teaching us Kungfu. Not that im a sexist, but just imagine it... vely phunny woh. but actually thinking about it, w.o.m.a.n don't have that part woh... so no weakness... hmmmm.........


Now my new seefu has the 2nd most highest qualification that you can have in kungfu. Its called the PEEHETCHDEE. i didn't believe it, and after i kacau kacau her, she like my old seefu *may that old fart be in peace.*, told us the very long story about how she has submitted a video of her martial arts and she is waiting for a reply from the kungfu university.


Actually i think she wont get it because of some very obvious reasons.

1. she is not bald. all kungfu masters that i know are bald. except that faker jackyshann.
2. she has not had army experience.
3. she has not done junior college, thus no experience in handling us.
4. she pronounces very as vely, and pendulum as peen-doodoo-loom and watch as wash etc etc
5. she spent 15 minutes telling that the crane stance was to be performed while standing on the head. we argued and finally the students won the master by showing her page 35936 of the kungfu manual.
6. she tells us that she might not have enough time to teach us the rat-disarming move, but has enough time to pick her nose in front of us.
7. she eats babi.

Today she masuk the classroom [yes, our class has been moved indoors because the kungfu school caught several hundred kungfu masters standing at the fence laughing their buts off at my new seefu.] and u wont believe what she did. She started giving us papers... i was like wtf, then she explain: i wan test you see if can paper the cut with hand.

WTF?

Please repeat question sheebai.

I wan see if u can uno... uno... chop paper with hand *points to palm*

O ceh.

At that point the one who cannot eat babi broke the table in half and walked out in disgust.

My seefu is gone... forever....

This morning I learnt that my seefu has left us all... forever.
He was a good seefu. He trained us so hard.

1. We could bear the smell of rotten eggs after his classes.
2. We learnt MALAYSIA BOLEH.
3. We learnt that the lonkgang didn't stink as bad as we thought.
4. We learnt that old people like to massage.
5. We learnt that there was a dim sum shop opposite our school.
6. We learnt the crane stance that prevented our 'glorious' seefu from falling down oh-so many times.
7. We learnt that the polite way to go to the washroom: Stand up and yell at the top of your voice: "UNCLE. I WAN GO PANG JIU"
8. We learnt that the secret to being a good sniper is to drink homemade coca cola.
9. We learnt how to make nuclear bombs.
10. We learnt how to build dams the right way.
11. We learnt that annwaar is a good man...
12. ...Then we were told that he is kayu.
13. We learnt how to tie knots properly.
14. We learnt not to sit in the front rows of the class.
15. We learnt how to laugh at jokes that weren't even close to funny.
16. We learnt how to challenge gangsters.
17. We learnt that the Japanese created the dum-dum bullet.
18. We learnt how he rolled in cow shit for 2 days until the smell soaked his skin.
19. We learnt that Cambridge is cheating the world.
20. We learnt that wiping a teachers ass is very important.
21. We learnt that if you can do something, he can do it better.
22. We learnt how lousy the standard of a commando is now. They drowned in a swimming pool.
23. We learnt that the best commandos can go for 10 days without sleeping. My seefu can do 11.
24. We learnt that KSA is very smart.
25. We learnt that Garvan is not so smart. yesterday he invented the 'guided bullet system'. today he is working with the US Army on a top secret device to kill his former seefu.
26. We learnt that when you punch, you twist your wrist.
27. We learnt NEVER to cycle into a bus. [read here]
28. We learnt that it is not a good idea to become the principal of a school. If forced, become the principal of a boys school only.
29. We learnt that while the world is in a huge economic crisis, the nation is focusing on small hole.
30. Most importantly we learnt the Tofu Theory that explains why u go splat when you jump off a building.