Swimming hero

Last night, an incident took place at Boat Quay. What happened was some idiot was trying to show off and declared that he would swim across the Singapore River.

He jumped in and started swimming. But before he could reach the halfway mark, he started to panic and started to shout for help.

Being typical Singaporeans, a crowd started to gather to watch and yet no attempt was made by anybody to save that poor chap.

Suddenly there was a splash and the crowd turned to see a guy doing what seemed like a desperate attempt to reach the drowning victim. It was clear that this hero couldn't swim !

Luckily a tongkang filled with tourists was passing by and the operator saw the incident and picked both men from the water. The crowd cheered !

Back on shore, the crowd cheered again as the hero stepped off the tongkang. "Steady Lah !" and "Awright, man !" were among the many congratulations shouted.

The hero looked angry and shouted "Ka ni na! Siang too wa loh chui?" (*%#@! Who pushed me into the water?")

Ready for take off.

Golden inside

Telur Goreng

Raja Bomoh Funny Picture Collection

Collected from various sos around the internet. 

Supernatural?

There was this case in a hospital's intensive care ward where patients always died in the same bed and always on Friday mornings, regardless of their medical conditions.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had to do with the supernatural. So the doctors decided to go down to that particular ward to investigate the cause.

Come Friday morning, everyone at the hospital ward nervously waited for the terrible phenomenon to occur again. Some held wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil....

As the time approached, their hearts began beating anxiously, and with every beat of the clock, everyone held their breath........ .... Then Ah Soh, the part-time Friday cleaner, came into the room and unplugged the life support system so that she could use the vacuum cleaner.

Malaysian Traffic lights

Polis vs Negro

An ang-mor, Ahbeng and a Mat....

An ang-mor, an ahbeng and a Mat were driving through the desert when their jeep suddenly broke down. The only supplies they brought were a bottle of water and an umbrella. The ang-mor swiped the bottle of water and walked off. Ahbeng took the umbrella and went in a different direction. The Mat, unfazed, ripped the jeep door off and did likewise.

3 days later, the men were rescued by a search party. The media was amazed on how they survived for 3 days in the desert, and asked them how they managed it.

The ang-mor replied, "Oh I carried a bottle of water and rationed myself to a minimum amount per day."

The Ahbeng answered, "I used the umbrella to shade myself in the daytime so that I wouldn't lose water by dehydration."

The Mat boasted, "You see ah, brudder, I carried thees jeep door, so dat when I was feeling hot, I only have to wind down the window, lah." 

Smart girl

PM was seated next to a little girl on an airplane that was
leaving KLIA. He turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that
flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow
passenger."

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and
said to Pak Lah, "What would you like to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know", said PM, "How about who is going to win the
next election?"

"OK", she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask
you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the
same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out
a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you
suppose that is?"

PM thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

The little girl then asks, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss
who is going to win the next election when you don't know shit?"

The grumpy pilot

Samy said: “If I throw a One Thousand Ringgit Note down there, the one who picked it up must be very happy.
[Note: One Thousand Ringgit Notes no longer exist]

Narjib said: “If I throw Two Five Hundred Ringgit Notes down there, then there would be Two very happy persons.

Pak Lah said: “If I throw Ten One Hundred Ringgit Notes, then ada Ten People memang happy.
[Note: Highest amount per note is One Hundred Ringgit]

Pilot mumbling to himself: “Why not throw yourselves down there, let 28 Million people happy?”

Russel Peters - Arab jokes

"

Samy and the Psychiatric ward.

Samy visited the psychiatric ward yesterday.

All the patients cheered "Hurray!!!" and clapped very loudly for him

But there is one patient who sat quietly in the corner ignoring Samy.

Samy asked with a confused look: "Why, why does he not welcome me?"

Doctor: "He is now normal and waiting to be discharged today."

Smart boy.

A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a Shah Alam courtroom drama yesterday, when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him. 

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Malaysian national football team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

Muthu's adventures.

* MUTHU & LONDON TRIP * 
After returning from a foreign trip, Muthu asked his 
wife, "Do I look like a foreigner?" 
Wife: "No! Why?" 
Muthu : "In London , a lady asked me, 'Are you a foreigner?'...that's why." 

* MUTHU & HIS EXPERIMENT * 
Muthu was doing an experiment with a cockroach. First 
he cut off one leg and told it to "WALK! WALK!" The cockroach walked. 
Then he cut off it's second leg and told the same. The cockroach walked. 
Then he cut off the third leg and did the same. Finally, he cut 
off its fourth leg and ordered it walk! But the cockroach didn't 
walk. Suddenly, Muthu said loudly, "I found it. 
If we cut a cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf."

* MUTHU & DRIVER * 
When Muthu was travelling with his wife in a motorised 
tricycle, the driver adjusted the mirror. 
Muthu shouted, "You are trying to see my wife, eh? Sit in the back. I will drive." 

* MUTHU GOES TO HOTEL * 
Muthu went into a hotel. To wash his hands, he went to 
the washbasin. 
Then when he had finished, he started washing the basin. 
Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing. Muthu pointed 
towards the s ignboard "* WASH BASIN * " 

***** 

* MUTHU & INTERVIEWER - FINAL PART * 
Interviewer : "Just imagine you're in the 20th floor 
of a building and it's on fire. How will you escape?" 
Muthu: "It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination."