"
Samy and the Psychiatric ward.
Samy visited the psychiatric ward yesterday.
All the patients cheered "Hurray!!!" and clapped very loudly for him
But there is one patient who sat quietly in the corner ignoring Samy.
Samy asked with a confused look: "Why, why does he not welcome me?"
Doctor: "He is now normal and waiting to be discharged today."
All the patients cheered "Hurray!!!" and clapped very loudly for him
But there is one patient who sat quietly in the corner ignoring Samy.
Samy asked with a confused look: "Why, why does he not welcome me?"
Doctor: "He is now normal and waiting to be discharged today."
Smart boy.
A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a Shah Alam courtroom drama yesterday, when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Malaysian national football team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Malaysian national football team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
Muthu's adventures.
* MUTHU & LONDON TRIP *
After returning from a foreign trip, Muthu asked his
wife, "Do I look like a foreigner?"
Wife: "No! Why?"
Muthu : "In London , a lady asked me, 'Are you a foreigner?'...that's why."
* MUTHU & HIS EXPERIMENT *
Muthu was doing an experiment with a cockroach. First
he cut off one leg and told it to "WALK! WALK!" The cockroach walked.
Then he cut off it's second leg and told the same. The cockroach walked.
Then he cut off the third leg and did the same. Finally, he cut
off its fourth leg and ordered it walk! But the cockroach didn't
walk. Suddenly, Muthu said loudly, "I found it.
If we cut a cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf."
* MUTHU & DRIVER *
When Muthu was travelling with his wife in a motorised
tricycle, the driver adjusted the mirror.
Muthu shouted, "You are trying to see my wife, eh? Sit in the back. I will drive."
* MUTHU GOES TO HOTEL *
Muthu went into a hotel. To wash his hands, he went to
the washbasin.
Then when he had finished, he started washing the basin.
Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing. Muthu pointed
towards the s ignboard "* WASH BASIN * "
*****
* MUTHU & INTERVIEWER - FINAL PART *
Interviewer : "Just imagine you're in the 20th floor
of a building and it's on fire. How will you escape?"
Muthu: "It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination."
After returning from a foreign trip, Muthu asked his
wife, "Do I look like a foreigner?"
Wife: "No! Why?"
Muthu : "In London , a lady asked me, 'Are you a foreigner?'...that's why."
* MUTHU & HIS EXPERIMENT *
Muthu was doing an experiment with a cockroach. First
he cut off one leg and told it to "WALK! WALK!" The cockroach walked.
Then he cut off it's second leg and told the same. The cockroach walked.
Then he cut off the third leg and did the same. Finally, he cut
off its fourth leg and ordered it walk! But the cockroach didn't
walk. Suddenly, Muthu said loudly, "I found it.
If we cut a cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf."
* MUTHU & DRIVER *
When Muthu was travelling with his wife in a motorised
tricycle, the driver adjusted the mirror.
Muthu shouted, "You are trying to see my wife, eh? Sit in the back. I will drive."
* MUTHU GOES TO HOTEL *
Muthu went into a hotel. To wash his hands, he went to
the washbasin.
Then when he had finished, he started washing the basin.
Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing. Muthu pointed
towards the s ignboard "* WASH BASIN * "
*****
* MUTHU & INTERVIEWER - FINAL PART *
Interviewer : "Just imagine you're in the 20th floor
of a building and it's on fire. How will you escape?"
Muthu: "It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination."
The following contains jokes that are offending to many (chinese, indian, malay) including myself (maybe having 1Malaysian spirit). Please do not read this post if you dislike racist jokes. By reading the racist jokes you are responsible for your own feelings.
Joke 1:
Three men were on a private aeroplane. A chinese, an indian and a malay man. The plane suddenly went out of control and the pilot who loved himself very much jumped off the plane with a parachute. The three men swiftly decided to grab the remaining parachutes and jump off the plane on the count of three. The malay counted to three and jumped off the aeroplane, followed by the chinese. Unfortunately, the poor indian man did not manage to escape.
Why was that so you racist bastard?
Because he took too long to count to three.
Three men were on a private aeroplane. A chinese, an indian and a malay man. The plane suddenly went out of control and the pilot who loved himself very much jumped off the plane with a parachute. The three men swiftly decided to grab the remaining parachutes and jump off the plane on the count of three. The malay counted to three and jumped off the aeroplane, followed by the chinese. Unfortunately, the poor indian man did not manage to escape.
Why was that so you racist bastard?
Because he took too long to count to three.
Joke 2:
Again, there were three men on a private aeroplane. Suddenly, the plane was about to crash again and the same pilot who was extremely terrified to have face the same situation again, jumped off immediately while ignoring the three passengers on board. This time there were no parachutes, so the three men decided to pray and hope that their Gods would save them from this reoccurring nightmare. The indian prayed and jumped off the plane, he survived the fall. The chinese followed and he was safe as well. Unfortunately, the malay did not survive.
Wow the malay died this time? What’s the issue now?
How was he supposed to find the Qibla in a state of panic?
Again, there were three men on a private aeroplane. Suddenly, the plane was about to crash again and the same pilot who was extremely terrified to have face the same situation again, jumped off immediately while ignoring the three passengers on board. This time there were no parachutes, so the three men decided to pray and hope that their Gods would save them from this reoccurring nightmare. The indian prayed and jumped off the plane, he survived the fall. The chinese followed and he was safe as well. Unfortunately, the malay did not survive.
Wow the malay died this time? What’s the issue now?
How was he supposed to find the Qibla in a state of panic?
Joke 3:
This time there were three men on a bus. A chinese, an indian and a malay (if you’ve noticed i arranged this alphabetically to avoid any misunderstanding). The chinese sat at the back of the bus, the malay sat in front of the chinese and the indian sat at the front of the bus (all in the same column if that makes sense). A robber with a gun suddenly came on the front of the bus and demanded for money. The bus driver ran out with fear almost immediately. The robber yelled out clearly that nobody was to move or else he would open fire. Suddenly the chinese who was curious and did not want to miss out on what was happening as he was not able to clearly witness the incident, he attempted to take a peek on what was going on at the front of the bus. The robber gave his warning and he was a man of his words and so he pulled the trigger. Unfortunately, the chinese took the shot.
But he was blocked the the indian and the malay?
Yes but they prayed. The indian at the front shifted his head from left to right repeatedly and dodged the bullet. The malay bent down while praying and also dodged the bullet. The chinese who wanted to know got to know.
This time there were three men on a bus. A chinese, an indian and a malay (if you’ve noticed i arranged this alphabetically to avoid any misunderstanding). The chinese sat at the back of the bus, the malay sat in front of the chinese and the indian sat at the front of the bus (all in the same column if that makes sense). A robber with a gun suddenly came on the front of the bus and demanded for money. The bus driver ran out with fear almost immediately. The robber yelled out clearly that nobody was to move or else he would open fire. Suddenly the chinese who was curious and did not want to miss out on what was happening as he was not able to clearly witness the incident, he attempted to take a peek on what was going on at the front of the bus. The robber gave his warning and he was a man of his words and so he pulled the trigger. Unfortunately, the chinese took the shot.
But he was blocked the the indian and the malay?
Yes but they prayed. The indian at the front shifted his head from left to right repeatedly and dodged the bullet. The malay bent down while praying and also dodged the bullet. The chinese who wanted to know got to know.
In the event that you are currently feeling offended and are hating me, perhaps some non-offensive jokes would be able to calm you down.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the road got the wrong answer.
Because the road got the wrong answer.
Why is the sea blue?
This is due to the sound that the fishes in the sea make.
“blook blook blook” =(epic translation)= blue
This is due to the sound that the fishes in the sea make.
“blook blook blook” =(epic translation)= blue
One day Batman, Spiderman and Superman decided to kick each other in the nuts but only spiderman felt the pain. Why?
He wasn’t wearing his super-underpants.
Which animal is known to be stingy?
The horse. When he runs, he produces the sound “kedekut kedekut kedekut”.
The horse. When he runs, he produces the sound “kedekut kedekut kedekut”.
What do you call a blind deer?
Hmm i have “no eye deer”.
Hmm i have “no eye deer”.
There was once a blind Chinese Emperor. Who?
Kang Xi. (Can’t See)
Kang Xi. (Can’t See)
An Old Imam
An old kampung imam had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.
One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects.
1. The Holy Quran.
2. A fifty ringgit note.
3. A bottle of whiskey.
4. And a Playboy magazine.
'I'll just hide behind the door," the old imam said to himself. "When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up."
"If it's the holy book, he's going to be an Imam like me, and what a blessing that would be!"
"If he picks up the fifty ringgit note, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too."
"But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and God, what a shame that would be."
"And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer."
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and heading for his room..
The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Holy Book and placed it under his arm. He picked up the fifty ringgit note and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired the magazine's centerfold.
"God have mercy," the old imam disgustedly whispered. "He's going to be an Umno Policitian!"
One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects.
1. The Holy Quran.
2. A fifty ringgit note.
3. A bottle of whiskey.
4. And a Playboy magazine.
'I'll just hide behind the door," the old imam said to himself. "When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up."
"If it's the holy book, he's going to be an Imam like me, and what a blessing that would be!"
"If he picks up the fifty ringgit note, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too."
"But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and God, what a shame that would be."
"And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer."
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and heading for his room..
The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Holy Book and placed it under his arm. He picked up the fifty ringgit note and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired the magazine's centerfold.
"God have mercy," the old imam disgustedly whispered. "He's going to be an Umno Policitian!"
3 men with a project
There are three men, a malay, an indian and a chinese. all three are working for a contractor. one day, the contractor got a new project of building a small guard house. he then instruct all three of them with different task.
first the malay guy. he says "you, you are incharge with the foundation and the walls".
then he told the indian guy, "you, you are incharge with the roof and the paintings"
finally, he told the chinese guy, "you, you are incharge with the supplies of the material".
a month pass and only two guys are working on the project till its finish. the malay and indian guy. when the contractor arrives to have a final look, both of them complain that they have to procure the material themselves because the chinese who are incharge with supplies are missing since the first day.
so, the contractor decide, its ok, he wont pay him and go ahead inside the guardhouse to inspect.
when he opens up the door, come this chinese guy jumping from behind the door yelling "supppppliessssssss" (suprise!).
the contractor faint.
first the malay guy. he says "you, you are incharge with the foundation and the walls".
then he told the indian guy, "you, you are incharge with the roof and the paintings"
finally, he told the chinese guy, "you, you are incharge with the supplies of the material".
a month pass and only two guys are working on the project till its finish. the malay and indian guy. when the contractor arrives to have a final look, both of them complain that they have to procure the material themselves because the chinese who are incharge with supplies are missing since the first day.
so, the contractor decide, its ok, he wont pay him and go ahead inside the guardhouse to inspect.
when he opens up the door, come this chinese guy jumping from behind the door yelling "supppppliessssssss" (suprise!).
the contractor faint.
Mat on the moon
Q: A Malay person on the moon is a called?
Q: A group or Malay people on the moon is called?
A: problemS
Q: The entire Malay population on the moon is called?
A: Problem solve
Bomb
Bomb damage in middle east:
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Bomb Damage in Malaysia:
"I think they used pandan leaf" ~Seefu.
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