It is the final round of the Miss Universe Pageant and the 3 finalists, Miss USA, Miss Malaysia and Miss Singapore are being asked 3 simple questions:
MC: The first question is name me an electrical appliance starting with "L"
Miss USA: Lamp
Miss Malaysia: Light bulb
Miss Singapore: LADIO
Judge: No, no, Radio does not start with the letter "L"
MC: I am going to give you 2 more chances; The next question is name me an animal starting with the letter "L"
Miss USA: Lion
Miss Malaysia: Leopard
Miss Singapore: LABBIT
Judge: No, no, no, Rabbit does not start with the letter "L"
MC: I am going to give you one last chance, if you answer this question incorrectly, you are disqualified.
Name me a fruit starting with the letter "L"
Miss USA: Lemon
Miss Malaysia: Lychee
Miss Singapore, with full of confidence, smiles and says: LIEWLIAN !!
This is not the end of the story, the Judge consulted the board of judges to determine if Miss Singapore should really disqualified; and they decided that since Miss Singapore was having as many problems with the letter "L", the decided to give her another chance.
Judge: OK, the final question is name me a human anatomy starting with the letter "L"
Miss USA: Lung (applause)
Miss Malaysia: Liver (even more applause)
Miss Singapore: LAN JIAO
Ah Hua interview
Ah Hua went for a job interview to be a secretary.
When the manager saw Ah Hua's colorful attire and gold, white-highlighted hair, his mind is screaming, "NOT THIS WOMAN!!!". Nevertheless, he still had to interview Ah Hua. So he told Ah Hua,"If you can form a sentence using the words that I give u, then I will give u a chance! The words are ."
Ah Hua thought for a while and said,"I hear the phone GREEN, GREEN, GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone, I say YELLOW.....BLUE's that? WHITE did you say? Aiyah, wrong numberlah.....Don't PURPLELY disturb people and don't call BLACK, ok? Kum Siah.
The manager fainted....
When the manager saw Ah Hua's colorful attire and gold, white-highlighted hair, his mind is screaming, "NOT THIS WOMAN!!!". Nevertheless, he still had to interview Ah Hua. So he told Ah Hua,"If you can form a sentence using the words that I give u, then I will give u a chance! The words are ."
Ah Hua thought for a while and said,"I hear the phone GREEN, GREEN, GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone, I say YELLOW.....BLUE's that? WHITE did you say? Aiyah, wrong numberlah.....Don't PURPLELY disturb people and don't call BLACK, ok? Kum Siah.
The manager fainted....
Malaysian Joke
Have you seen the Made-in-Malaysia car "Kancil"?
You know, that very little 600 cc car ???
Well, Dr M really wanted to sell it to the US, so when Dr M
paid a visit to the White House after finishing formal discussions with
George Bush, Dr M checks with Bush to find out if there is a way to sell
the Kancil in the USA.
After having looked at the brochure, Bush said, "You know,I think
this 'Kernchill' is too small for us Americans."
Not one who gives up easily, Dr M persisted and finally Bush
offered, "Ok,take this number down. This guy is my good buddy and
he's also the CEO of the biggest compact car distributor in North
America."
Dr M was satisfied
with the meeting and returns to Malaysia.
The next day he called the number and a lady answered,"TOYS R US",
can I help you?"
********************************************************************
Mr. Samy-vellu went for the United Nations' meeting.
He represented the Malaysian Prime Minister.
All nations were discussing about space exploration by the year
2008.
Here are some of the conversations:
China Delegate : "By the year 2008, China will start their moon
exploration project."
Russian Delegate : "We too, we are going to explore the moon.
This time we will see to it that our cosmonauts will step on the
moon."
George Bush & Clinton : "We the United States will also explore
the moon for the second time."
Malaysian Delegate: "By the year 2008, Malaysia will explore the sun."
There was a long
silence. Bush stood up and asked the
Malaysian delegate: "Isn't it too hot to explore the sun?"
Samy Vellu (after a long silence): "We will do it in the evening."
*********************************************************************
There are three major races in Malaysia - Malay, Chinese and
Indian.
The Malays have the political power and so they set up the party
UMNO, which literally means "U Must Not Object".
The Chinese, on the other hand, controls most of the Economy and
They called their party MCA which means "Money Conquers All".
Then there are the Indians who have no say in politics or
economics.?They set up their party called MIC. Hence, every Parliamentary
meeting the Indians would ask: "Must I Come?"
You know, that very little 600 cc car ???
Well, Dr M really wanted to sell it to the US, so when Dr M
paid a visit to the White House after finishing formal discussions with
George Bush, Dr M checks with Bush to find out if there is a way to sell
the Kancil in the USA.
After having looked at the brochure, Bush said, "You know,I think
this 'Kernchill' is too small for us Americans."
Not one who gives up easily, Dr M persisted and finally Bush
offered, "Ok,take this number down. This guy is my good buddy and
he's also the CEO of the biggest compact car distributor in North
America."
Dr M was satisfied
with the meeting and returns to Malaysia.
The next day he called the number and a lady answered,"TOYS R US",
can I help you?"
********************************************************************
Mr. Samy-vellu went for the United Nations' meeting.
He represented the Malaysian Prime Minister.
All nations were discussing about space exploration by the year
2008.
Here are some of the conversations:
China Delegate : "By the year 2008, China will start their moon
exploration project."
Russian Delegate : "We too, we are going to explore the moon.
This time we will see to it that our cosmonauts will step on the
moon."
George Bush & Clinton : "We the United States will also explore
the moon for the second time."
Malaysian Delegate: "By the year 2008, Malaysia will explore the sun."
There was a long
silence. Bush stood up and asked the
Malaysian delegate: "Isn't it too hot to explore the sun?"
Samy Vellu (after a long silence): "We will do it in the evening."
*********************************************************************
There are three major races in Malaysia - Malay, Chinese and
Indian.
The Malays have the political power and so they set up the party
UMNO, which literally means "U Must Not Object".
The Chinese, on the other hand, controls most of the Economy and
They called their party MCA which means "Money Conquers All".
Then there are the Indians who have no say in politics or
economics.?They set up their party called MIC. Hence, every Parliamentary
meeting the Indians would ask: "Must I Come?"
Story 1
Ah Lian ask shopkeeper: Eh Ah chek, u got sell stocking up to knee,boh?
Ah Chek: Lu siao ah! Stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist) only, where got up
to the 'nee'(breast) one.
------
Story 2
Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to show it
to her. So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car to his
girlfriend. "This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!"
Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian.
"Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!"
Ah Lian said, "Let me try! I wan, I wan!"
So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored the
accelerator. The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the
lamp-post.
"Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see la! Wah Piang eh!"screamed Ah
Beng.
"Solee, solee, pai sah la! No lah, I tot hor, "R" for racing mah!"*
-----
Story 3
The Titanic was sinking, and there weren't enough lifeboats. So the captain
had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy waters to make room
for women and children.
To the British he said. "You must act like gentlemen." They jumped.
To the Americans he said, "You can be heroes." They complied.
To the Germans he said, "It's the rule." They obeyed.
To the Japanese he said," It's the consensus." They obliged.
Then came the Singaporean and they just weren't budging until he came up
with the appeal: "Free life jackets for those who jumped."
-----
Story 4
3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian are at the army supply base to collect
underwear. The sergeant was there to aid the supplies.
Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwear you need ah?
Ah Beng : (thinks a while) 7 sasen(sergeant)!
Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many?
Ah Beng : Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one.
Sergeant: (Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwear?
Mat : (without hesitation) 6 sargen!
Sergeant: (curious) How come six?
Mat : Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong.
Sergeant: (Indian recruit) Dei Tambi. How many underwears dah dei?
Tambi : (very confidently) 12 Sarjen!
Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why you need so many for?
Tambi : January, February, March.....One month one.
-----
Story 5
Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted the
DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti" (In Hokkien means Ah Cheng buys
bread). The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them
tore-select another song. The Ah Bengs were very angry and kicked up a bigfuss, claiming the DJ was insulting them. The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down.
Finally, after long talk with Ah Bengs, manager found out that Ah Bengs
actually asking for the song "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers.
-----
Story 6
One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey and want to get
down to the ground floor.
As they looked at the dial, they could see the number 20 down to number 2.
It was then followed by a G.
As they not English-educated, they were puzzled and had no idea what the
the letter G meant.
Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit the "G" button.
When they finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was so
impressed and asked the first Ah Lian, "Wah low!, how you know one?"
The first Ah Lian replied smugly, "Easy la, G for Gero mah."
-----
Story 7
One day, there was an American, one Italian, a Malaysian and Bangladeshi
travelling on a private helicopter.
After about one hour traveling, the American took out his Cigarette
(Dunhill) lighted it up and start smoking after two sip, he threw the
balance of the cigarette.
The other three persons were surprised and asked, "Why didn't you finish-up
the cigarette before throwing?"
He replied arrogantly "there is a lot of cigarette in my country".
Half an hour later the Italian took a bottle of branded perfume and applied
it and the rest he throw out of the window.
The other three persons were again taken by surprise and asked, "Why did
you throw away the perfume?"
The Italian replied, "there is a lot of perfume in my country".
The Malaysian did't know what to do & suddenly push that Bangladeshi out
of the helicopter. The other two persons shouted crazily, "Why did you push
him?"
The Malaysian said slowly, "There is a lot of Bangladeshi in my
country!".
-----
Ah Lian ask shopkeeper: Eh Ah chek, u got sell stocking up to knee,boh?
Ah Chek: Lu siao ah! Stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist) only, where got up
to the 'nee'(breast) one.
------
Story 2
Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to show it
to her. So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car to his
girlfriend. "This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!"
Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian.
"Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!"
Ah Lian said, "Let me try! I wan, I wan!"
So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored the
accelerator. The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the
lamp-post.
"Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see la! Wah Piang eh!"screamed Ah
Beng.
"Solee, solee, pai sah la! No lah, I tot hor, "R" for racing mah!"*
-----
Story 3
The Titanic was sinking, and there weren't enough lifeboats. So the captain
had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy waters to make room
for women and children.
To the British he said. "You must act like gentlemen." They jumped.
To the Americans he said, "You can be heroes." They complied.
To the Germans he said, "It's the rule." They obeyed.
To the Japanese he said," It's the consensus." They obliged.
Then came the Singaporean and they just weren't budging until he came up
with the appeal: "Free life jackets for those who jumped."
-----
Story 4
3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian are at the army supply base to collect
underwear. The sergeant was there to aid the supplies.
Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwear you need ah?
Ah Beng : (thinks a while) 7 sasen(sergeant)!
Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many?
Ah Beng : Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one.
Sergeant: (Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwear?
Mat : (without hesitation) 6 sargen!
Sergeant: (curious) How come six?
Mat : Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong.
Sergeant: (Indian recruit) Dei Tambi. How many underwears dah dei?
Tambi : (very confidently) 12 Sarjen!
Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why you need so many for?
Tambi : January, February, March.....One month one.
-----
Story 5
Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted the
DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti" (In Hokkien means Ah Cheng buys
bread). The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them
tore-select another song. The Ah Bengs were very angry and kicked up a bigfuss, claiming the DJ was insulting them. The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down.
Finally, after long talk with Ah Bengs, manager found out that Ah Bengs
actually asking for the song "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers.
-----
Story 6
One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey and want to get
down to the ground floor.
As they looked at the dial, they could see the number 20 down to number 2.
It was then followed by a G.
As they not English-educated, they were puzzled and had no idea what the
the letter G meant.
Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit the "G" button.
When they finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was so
impressed and asked the first Ah Lian, "Wah low!, how you know one?"
The first Ah Lian replied smugly, "Easy la, G for Gero mah."
-----
Story 7
One day, there was an American, one Italian, a Malaysian and Bangladeshi
travelling on a private helicopter.
After about one hour traveling, the American took out his Cigarette
(Dunhill) lighted it up and start smoking after two sip, he threw the
balance of the cigarette.
The other three persons were surprised and asked, "Why didn't you finish-up
the cigarette before throwing?"
He replied arrogantly "there is a lot of cigarette in my country".
Half an hour later the Italian took a bottle of branded perfume and applied
it and the rest he throw out of the window.
The other three persons were again taken by surprise and asked, "Why did
you throw away the perfume?"
The Italian replied, "there is a lot of perfume in my country".
The Malaysian did't know what to do & suddenly push that Bangladeshi out
of the helicopter. The other two persons shouted crazily, "Why did you push
him?"
The Malaysian said slowly, "There is a lot of Bangladeshi in my
country!".
-----
Ah beng
1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me. I ran until I fell 6 and threw up. So I go into 7-eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 God he run away.
10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6. He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand. I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.
10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6. He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand. I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.
Wang.
Some time ago, a very bored person discovered that if wand was replaced with wang in harry potter, interesting results were produced.
----------------
"Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
"Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything
--------------
A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.
--------------
Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls
--------------
The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.
--------------
Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang. Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.
--------------
'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.
--------------
----------------
"Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
"Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything
--------------
A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.
--------------
Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls
--------------
The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.
--------------
Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang. Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.
--------------
'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.
--------------
Things to keep in mind while in MALAYsia.
If you ask Malay do for you - take long time.
If you ask Chinese do for you - cost more money.
If you ask Indian do for you - sure break wan.
If you eat Chinese food sure got pig blood inside wan...
If you eat Malay food sure is left over.
If you eat Indian food sure stomach ache.
If you looking for wife:
Chinese - noisy.
Malay - must potong.
Indian - curry damn nice I tell you!
If you buy Chinese car - accident sure die wan.
If you buy Indian car - sure slow wan.
If you buy Malay car - no engine wan.
If you enter Chinese temple: no problem!
If you enter Indian temple: no problem!
If you enter mosque: Racial issue.
Big fight
Chinese weapon: what weapon? KUNG FU!
Indian weapon: parang.
Malay weapon: kris? =.=
Chinese New Year: red packet. (Represent luck, blood and danger.)
Indian New Year: purple packet. (Represent nothing. Purple was cheapest colour to print.)
Malay New Year: green packet. (Represent pandan leaf.)
Malay - cannot eat pig
Indian - cannot eat beef.
Chinese - cannot e.....
Chinese - eat come first.
Indian - Alcohol come first.
Malay - government sponsor come first.
If you ask Chinese do for you - cost more money.
If you ask Indian do for you - sure break wan.
If you eat Chinese food sure got pig blood inside wan...
If you eat Malay food sure is left over.
If you eat Indian food sure stomach ache.
If you looking for wife:
Chinese - noisy.
Malay - must potong.
Indian - curry damn nice I tell you!
If you buy Chinese car - accident sure die wan.
If you buy Indian car - sure slow wan.
If you buy Malay car - no engine wan.
If you enter Chinese temple: no problem!
If you enter Indian temple: no problem!
If you enter mosque: Racial issue.
Big fight
Chinese weapon: what weapon? KUNG FU!
Indian weapon: parang.
Malay weapon: kris? =.=
Chinese New Year: red packet. (Represent luck, blood and danger.)
Indian New Year: purple packet. (Represent nothing. Purple was cheapest colour to print.)
Malay New Year: green packet. (Represent pandan leaf.)
Malay - cannot eat pig
Indian - cannot eat beef.
Chinese - cannot e.....
Chinese - eat come first.
Indian - Alcohol come first.
Malay - government sponsor come first.
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