The following contains jokes that are offending to many (chinese, indian, malay) including myself (maybe having 1Malaysian spirit). Please do not read this post if you dislike racist jokes. By reading the racist jokes you are responsible for your own feelings.
Joke 1:
Three men were on a private aeroplane. A chinese, an indian and a malay man. The plane suddenly went out of control and the pilot who loved himself very much jumped off the plane with a parachute. The three men swiftly decided to grab the remaining parachutes and jump off the plane on the count of three. The malay counted to three and jumped off the aeroplane, followed by the chinese. Unfortunately, the poor indian man did not manage to escape.
Why was that so you racist bastard?
Because he took too long to count to three.
Three men were on a private aeroplane. A chinese, an indian and a malay man. The plane suddenly went out of control and the pilot who loved himself very much jumped off the plane with a parachute. The three men swiftly decided to grab the remaining parachutes and jump off the plane on the count of three. The malay counted to three and jumped off the aeroplane, followed by the chinese. Unfortunately, the poor indian man did not manage to escape.
Why was that so you racist bastard?
Because he took too long to count to three.
Joke 2:
Again, there were three men on a private aeroplane. Suddenly, the plane was about to crash again and the same pilot who was extremely terrified to have face the same situation again, jumped off immediately while ignoring the three passengers on board. This time there were no parachutes, so the three men decided to pray and hope that their Gods would save them from this reoccurring nightmare. The indian prayed and jumped off the plane, he survived the fall. The chinese followed and he was safe as well. Unfortunately, the malay did not survive.
Wow the malay died this time? What’s the issue now?
How was he supposed to find the Qibla in a state of panic?
Again, there were three men on a private aeroplane. Suddenly, the plane was about to crash again and the same pilot who was extremely terrified to have face the same situation again, jumped off immediately while ignoring the three passengers on board. This time there were no parachutes, so the three men decided to pray and hope that their Gods would save them from this reoccurring nightmare. The indian prayed and jumped off the plane, he survived the fall. The chinese followed and he was safe as well. Unfortunately, the malay did not survive.
Wow the malay died this time? What’s the issue now?
How was he supposed to find the Qibla in a state of panic?
Joke 3:
This time there were three men on a bus. A chinese, an indian and a malay (if you’ve noticed i arranged this alphabetically to avoid any misunderstanding). The chinese sat at the back of the bus, the malay sat in front of the chinese and the indian sat at the front of the bus (all in the same column if that makes sense). A robber with a gun suddenly came on the front of the bus and demanded for money. The bus driver ran out with fear almost immediately. The robber yelled out clearly that nobody was to move or else he would open fire. Suddenly the chinese who was curious and did not want to miss out on what was happening as he was not able to clearly witness the incident, he attempted to take a peek on what was going on at the front of the bus. The robber gave his warning and he was a man of his words and so he pulled the trigger. Unfortunately, the chinese took the shot.
But he was blocked the the indian and the malay?
Yes but they prayed. The indian at the front shifted his head from left to right repeatedly and dodged the bullet. The malay bent down while praying and also dodged the bullet. The chinese who wanted to know got to know.
This time there were three men on a bus. A chinese, an indian and a malay (if you’ve noticed i arranged this alphabetically to avoid any misunderstanding). The chinese sat at the back of the bus, the malay sat in front of the chinese and the indian sat at the front of the bus (all in the same column if that makes sense). A robber with a gun suddenly came on the front of the bus and demanded for money. The bus driver ran out with fear almost immediately. The robber yelled out clearly that nobody was to move or else he would open fire. Suddenly the chinese who was curious and did not want to miss out on what was happening as he was not able to clearly witness the incident, he attempted to take a peek on what was going on at the front of the bus. The robber gave his warning and he was a man of his words and so he pulled the trigger. Unfortunately, the chinese took the shot.
But he was blocked the the indian and the malay?
Yes but they prayed. The indian at the front shifted his head from left to right repeatedly and dodged the bullet. The malay bent down while praying and also dodged the bullet. The chinese who wanted to know got to know.
In the event that you are currently feeling offended and are hating me, perhaps some non-offensive jokes would be able to calm you down.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the road got the wrong answer.
Because the road got the wrong answer.
Why is the sea blue?
This is due to the sound that the fishes in the sea make.
“blook blook blook” =(epic translation)= blue
This is due to the sound that the fishes in the sea make.
“blook blook blook” =(epic translation)= blue
One day Batman, Spiderman and Superman decided to kick each other in the nuts but only spiderman felt the pain. Why?
He wasn’t wearing his super-underpants.
Which animal is known to be stingy?
The horse. When he runs, he produces the sound “kedekut kedekut kedekut”.
The horse. When he runs, he produces the sound “kedekut kedekut kedekut”.
What do you call a blind deer?
Hmm i have “no eye deer”.
Hmm i have “no eye deer”.
There was once a blind Chinese Emperor. Who?
Kang Xi. (Can’t See)
Kang Xi. (Can’t See)
An Old Imam
An old kampung imam had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.
One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects.
1. The Holy Quran.
2. A fifty ringgit note.
3. A bottle of whiskey.
4. And a Playboy magazine.
'I'll just hide behind the door," the old imam said to himself. "When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up."
"If it's the holy book, he's going to be an Imam like me, and what a blessing that would be!"
"If he picks up the fifty ringgit note, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too."
"But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and God, what a shame that would be."
"And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer."
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and heading for his room..
The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Holy Book and placed it under his arm. He picked up the fifty ringgit note and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired the magazine's centerfold.
"God have mercy," the old imam disgustedly whispered. "He's going to be an Umno Policitian!"
One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects.
1. The Holy Quran.
2. A fifty ringgit note.
3. A bottle of whiskey.
4. And a Playboy magazine.
'I'll just hide behind the door," the old imam said to himself. "When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up."
"If it's the holy book, he's going to be an Imam like me, and what a blessing that would be!"
"If he picks up the fifty ringgit note, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too."
"But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and God, what a shame that would be."
"And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer."
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and heading for his room..
The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Holy Book and placed it under his arm. He picked up the fifty ringgit note and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired the magazine's centerfold.
"God have mercy," the old imam disgustedly whispered. "He's going to be an Umno Policitian!"
3 men with a project
There are three men, a malay, an indian and a chinese. all three are working for a contractor. one day, the contractor got a new project of building a small guard house. he then instruct all three of them with different task.
first the malay guy. he says "you, you are incharge with the foundation and the walls".
then he told the indian guy, "you, you are incharge with the roof and the paintings"
finally, he told the chinese guy, "you, you are incharge with the supplies of the material".
a month pass and only two guys are working on the project till its finish. the malay and indian guy. when the contractor arrives to have a final look, both of them complain that they have to procure the material themselves because the chinese who are incharge with supplies are missing since the first day.
so, the contractor decide, its ok, he wont pay him and go ahead inside the guardhouse to inspect.
when he opens up the door, come this chinese guy jumping from behind the door yelling "supppppliessssssss" (suprise!).
the contractor faint.
first the malay guy. he says "you, you are incharge with the foundation and the walls".
then he told the indian guy, "you, you are incharge with the roof and the paintings"
finally, he told the chinese guy, "you, you are incharge with the supplies of the material".
a month pass and only two guys are working on the project till its finish. the malay and indian guy. when the contractor arrives to have a final look, both of them complain that they have to procure the material themselves because the chinese who are incharge with supplies are missing since the first day.
so, the contractor decide, its ok, he wont pay him and go ahead inside the guardhouse to inspect.
when he opens up the door, come this chinese guy jumping from behind the door yelling "supppppliessssssss" (suprise!).
the contractor faint.
Mat on the moon
Q: A Malay person on the moon is a called?
Q: A group or Malay people on the moon is called?
A: problemS
Q: The entire Malay population on the moon is called?
A: Problem solve
Bomb
Bomb damage in middle east:
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Bomb Damage in Malaysia:
"I think they used pandan leaf" ~Seefu.
Husband Store
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the values of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 -
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 -
You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
chinese and jews making business
A Chinese goes to a Jew to buy black bras size 38. The Jew, known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers.
Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them.
The Chinese buys 25 pairs.
He returns a few days later and this time orders fifty.
The Jew tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each.
The Chinese returns a month later and buys the Jew’s remaining stock of 50, and this time for $75.00 each.
The Jew is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black bras and asks the Chinese, please tell me: What do you do with all these black bras?
The Chinese answers: ‘I cut them in half and sell the halves as skull caps to the Jews for $200.00 each.
Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them.
The Chinese buys 25 pairs.
He returns a few days later and this time orders fifty.
The Jew tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each.
The Chinese returns a month later and buys the Jew’s remaining stock of 50, and this time for $75.00 each.
The Jew is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black bras and asks the Chinese, please tell me: What do you do with all these black bras?
The Chinese answers: ‘I cut them in half and sell the halves as skull caps to the Jews for $200.00 each.
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