Collection after the jump! Click "READ MORE"
Husband Store
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the values of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 -
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 -
You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
chinese and jews making business
A Chinese goes to a Jew to buy black bras size 38. The Jew, known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers.
Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them.
The Chinese buys 25 pairs.
He returns a few days later and this time orders fifty.
The Jew tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each.
The Chinese returns a month later and buys the Jew’s remaining stock of 50, and this time for $75.00 each.
The Jew is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black bras and asks the Chinese, please tell me: What do you do with all these black bras?
The Chinese answers: ‘I cut them in half and sell the halves as skull caps to the Jews for $200.00 each.
Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them.
The Chinese buys 25 pairs.
He returns a few days later and this time orders fifty.
The Jew tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each.
The Chinese returns a month later and buys the Jew’s remaining stock of 50, and this time for $75.00 each.
The Jew is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black bras and asks the Chinese, please tell me: What do you do with all these black bras?
The Chinese answers: ‘I cut them in half and sell the halves as skull caps to the Jews for $200.00 each.
Malaysian Bomb Disposal win! =D
China Bomb Squad
US Bomb Squad
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Malaysia Bomb squad.
(with no protection... very hero)
"On the spot report!"
ahbeng again!
"Hello?"
"Hi honey.
This is Daddy.
Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy.
She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Ah Beng."
After a brief pause,Daddy says,"But honey,you haven't got an Uncle Ah Beng."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."
Brief Pause.
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."
"And what happened honey?"
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.
Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!! What about Uncle Ah Beng?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared
and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."
***Long Pause***
Then Daddy says,"What...swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?"
"Hi honey.
This is Daddy.
Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy.
She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Ah Beng."
After a brief pause,Daddy says,"But honey,you haven't got an Uncle Ah Beng."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."
Brief Pause.
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."
"And what happened honey?"
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.
Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!! What about Uncle Ah Beng?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared
and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."
***Long Pause***
Then Daddy says,"What...swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?"
Ahbeng Heroh.
He jumped in and started swimming. But before he could reach the halfway mark, he started to panic and started to shout for help.
Being typical Malaysians, a crowd started to gather to watch and yet no attempt was made by anybody to save that poor chap.
Suddenly there was a splash and the crowd turned to see a guy doing what seemed like a desperate attempt to reach the drowning victim. It was clear that this hero couldn't swim !
Luckily a tongkang filled with tourists was passing by and the operator saw the incident and picked both men from the water. The crowd cheered !
Back on shore, the crowd cheered again as the hero stepped off the tongkang. "Steady Lah !" and "Awright, man !" were among the many congratulations shouted.
The hero looked angry and shouted "Ka ni na! Siang too wa loh chui?" (*%#@! Who pushed me into the water?")
-------X-------
After this failure they decided to try good old taxi driving. They bought a new London Cab & began to look for passengers. They drove past Orchard Road but nobody hailed their taxi. They went to Changi Airport yet nobody hailed their taxi.
They even drove to Serangoon Road, even nobody hailed their taxi.In desperation they kept on driving all around Singapore but alas no one hailed their taxi. WHY? Because all the four Ah bengs were sitting in the taxi.
After the 4 Ah Bengs were very disappointed with their fate & decided to push their taxi into the sea. They started pushing their taxi. They push the whole day & were very exhausted but the taxi did not move even an inch.
They decided to rest for a while & started to push again. The taxi just wouldn't move. WHY? Because 2 Ah Bengs were pushing the front & 2 from behind.
-------X-------
Ah Beng, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire himself out as a handyman and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. He went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for him to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
Beng said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told him that the paint and ladders that he might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does he realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "He should. He was standing on the porch."
A short time later, Ah Beng came to the door to collect his money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," Ah Beng answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," Ah Beng added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Fellali."
Say Cheese
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to show them what has happened. A Detective Inspector is sent and is taken to the first body.
'Clinton, 60, died of heart failure whilst in bed with his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector,' says the Coroner.
The DI is taken to the second dead man. 'Suharto, 70, made a pile from government funds, and spent it all on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.
'Nothing unusual here', thinks the DI, and asks to be shown the last body.
Ah,' says the coroner. 'This is the most unusual one. Dr. Maahathirr, 75, struck by lightning.'
'Why is he smiling then?' inquires the Inspector.
To which the coroner replies, 'He thought he was having his picture taken.'
Intelligent.
One day there was a malay man talking to a chinese manager.
So, he asked the chinese,Why you guys so rich and we are so poor?*in a very angry way*
So the chinese man said: "do u really want to know?"
The malay man said yes.
So the chinese man put his hand on the wall.
He say "come hit my hand la."
(the malay guy use full power to hit it)
But then the Chinese man avoids it. and the Malay ends up hitting his own hand against the wall.
Malaÿ: Why did u avoid it?
Chinese say: This is call intelligent.
So the malay went back his kampong.
He say to his friend,Do You Know why chinese are so rich and we are so poor?
Then one of his friend say YES I WANT TO KNOW.
So he say come i show you.
*But that place dont have any wall*
So he ask another friend to come. He put his hand on another malay's face.
So, he asked the chinese,Why you guys so rich and we are so poor?*in a very angry way*
So the chinese man said: "do u really want to know?"
The malay man said yes.
So the chinese man put his hand on the wall.
He say "come hit my hand la."
(the malay guy use full power to hit it)
But then the Chinese man avoids it. and the Malay ends up hitting his own hand against the wall.
Malaÿ: Why did u avoid it?
Chinese say: This is call intelligent.
So the malay went back his kampong.
He say to his friend,Do You Know why chinese are so rich and we are so poor?
Then one of his friend say YES I WANT TO KNOW.
So he say come i show you.
*But that place dont have any wall*
So he ask another friend to come. He put his hand on another malay's face.
""PUNCH IT HAND HAND ON MY HAND"
So the friend punch it.But it did not hit his hand. It hit his friends face.
So the friend ask him why is he punching face?
He answer: This is call intelligent.
So the friend punch it.But it did not hit his hand. It hit his friends face.
So the friend ask him why is he punching face?
He answer: This is call intelligent.
M iss ing.
Get Vietnamese workers, dogs missing .
Get Ba ng ladeshi workers, Malay girls missing .
Get Indonesian workers, money missing .
Get Indian workers, jewelleries missing .
Get Chinese workers, husbands missing .
Call the police, the evidence goes missing ,
Call the lawyers, the judge go missing ,
Call the ministry of transport, the reports go missing
Change the government, funds go missing ,
Say something and you may be missing .
missing no good
Get Ba ng ladeshi workers, Malay girls missing .
Get Indonesian workers, money missing .
Get Indian workers, jewelleries missing .
Get Chinese workers, husbands missing .
Call the police, the evidence goes missing ,
Call the lawyers, the judge go missing ,
Call the ministry of transport, the reports go missing
Change the government, funds go missing ,
Say something and you may be missing .
missing no good
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