Malaysian Bomb Disposal win! =D
China Bomb Squad
US Bomb Squad
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Malaysia Bomb squad.
(with no protection... very hero)
"On the spot report!"
ahbeng again!
"Hello?"
"Hi honey.
This is Daddy.
Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy.
She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Ah Beng."
After a brief pause,Daddy says,"But honey,you haven't got an Uncle Ah Beng."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."
Brief Pause.
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."
"And what happened honey?"
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.
Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!! What about Uncle Ah Beng?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared
and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."
***Long Pause***
Then Daddy says,"What...swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?"
"Hi honey.
This is Daddy.
Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy.
She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Ah Beng."
After a brief pause,Daddy says,"But honey,you haven't got an Uncle Ah Beng."
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."
Brief Pause.
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."
"And what happened honey?"
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.
Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!! What about Uncle Ah Beng?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared
and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."
***Long Pause***
Then Daddy says,"What...swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?"
Ahbeng Heroh.
He jumped in and started swimming. But before he could reach the halfway mark, he started to panic and started to shout for help.
Being typical Malaysians, a crowd started to gather to watch and yet no attempt was made by anybody to save that poor chap.
Suddenly there was a splash and the crowd turned to see a guy doing what seemed like a desperate attempt to reach the drowning victim. It was clear that this hero couldn't swim !
Luckily a tongkang filled with tourists was passing by and the operator saw the incident and picked both men from the water. The crowd cheered !
Back on shore, the crowd cheered again as the hero stepped off the tongkang. "Steady Lah !" and "Awright, man !" were among the many congratulations shouted.
The hero looked angry and shouted "Ka ni na! Siang too wa loh chui?" (*%#@! Who pushed me into the water?")
-------X-------
After this failure they decided to try good old taxi driving. They bought a new London Cab & began to look for passengers. They drove past Orchard Road but nobody hailed their taxi. They went to Changi Airport yet nobody hailed their taxi.
They even drove to Serangoon Road, even nobody hailed their taxi.In desperation they kept on driving all around Singapore but alas no one hailed their taxi. WHY? Because all the four Ah bengs were sitting in the taxi.
After the 4 Ah Bengs were very disappointed with their fate & decided to push their taxi into the sea. They started pushing their taxi. They push the whole day & were very exhausted but the taxi did not move even an inch.
They decided to rest for a while & started to push again. The taxi just wouldn't move. WHY? Because 2 Ah Bengs were pushing the front & 2 from behind.
-------X-------
Ah Beng, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire himself out as a handyman and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. He went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for him to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
Beng said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told him that the paint and ladders that he might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does he realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "He should. He was standing on the porch."
A short time later, Ah Beng came to the door to collect his money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," Ah Beng answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," Ah Beng added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Fellali."
Say Cheese
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to show them what has happened. A Detective Inspector is sent and is taken to the first body.
'Clinton, 60, died of heart failure whilst in bed with his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector,' says the Coroner.
The DI is taken to the second dead man. 'Suharto, 70, made a pile from government funds, and spent it all on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.
'Nothing unusual here', thinks the DI, and asks to be shown the last body.
Ah,' says the coroner. 'This is the most unusual one. Dr. Maahathirr, 75, struck by lightning.'
'Why is he smiling then?' inquires the Inspector.
To which the coroner replies, 'He thought he was having his picture taken.'
Intelligent.
One day there was a malay man talking to a chinese manager.
So, he asked the chinese,Why you guys so rich and we are so poor?*in a very angry way*
So the chinese man said: "do u really want to know?"
The malay man said yes.
So the chinese man put his hand on the wall.
He say "come hit my hand la."
(the malay guy use full power to hit it)
But then the Chinese man avoids it. and the Malay ends up hitting his own hand against the wall.
Malaÿ: Why did u avoid it?
Chinese say: This is call intelligent.
So the malay went back his kampong.
He say to his friend,Do You Know why chinese are so rich and we are so poor?
Then one of his friend say YES I WANT TO KNOW.
So he say come i show you.
*But that place dont have any wall*
So he ask another friend to come. He put his hand on another malay's face.
So, he asked the chinese,Why you guys so rich and we are so poor?*in a very angry way*
So the chinese man said: "do u really want to know?"
The malay man said yes.
So the chinese man put his hand on the wall.
He say "come hit my hand la."
(the malay guy use full power to hit it)
But then the Chinese man avoids it. and the Malay ends up hitting his own hand against the wall.
Malaÿ: Why did u avoid it?
Chinese say: This is call intelligent.
So the malay went back his kampong.
He say to his friend,Do You Know why chinese are so rich and we are so poor?
Then one of his friend say YES I WANT TO KNOW.
So he say come i show you.
*But that place dont have any wall*
So he ask another friend to come. He put his hand on another malay's face.
""PUNCH IT HAND HAND ON MY HAND"
So the friend punch it.But it did not hit his hand. It hit his friends face.
So the friend ask him why is he punching face?
He answer: This is call intelligent.
So the friend punch it.But it did not hit his hand. It hit his friends face.
So the friend ask him why is he punching face?
He answer: This is call intelligent.
M iss ing.
Get Vietnamese workers, dogs missing .
Get Ba ng ladeshi workers, Malay girls missing .
Get Indonesian workers, money missing .
Get Indian workers, jewelleries missing .
Get Chinese workers, husbands missing .
Call the police, the evidence goes missing ,
Call the lawyers, the judge go missing ,
Call the ministry of transport, the reports go missing
Change the government, funds go missing ,
Say something and you may be missing .
missing no good
Get Ba ng ladeshi workers, Malay girls missing .
Get Indonesian workers, money missing .
Get Indian workers, jewelleries missing .
Get Chinese workers, husbands missing .
Call the police, the evidence goes missing ,
Call the lawyers, the judge go missing ,
Call the ministry of transport, the reports go missing
Change the government, funds go missing ,
Say something and you may be missing .
missing no good
Malaysian rides
They be pimping in the kampung ♪
Does this kancil look familiar? =\
And we must not forget Malaysia's latest pride and joy, the original creative design of the.....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
inspirataxi.
The First Malaysian in Space
Mahathir finally sends a Malaysian into space courtesy of the Russians. Finally, after months of training, the Malaysian astronaut and a chimpanzee are blasted off into space.
Once in orbit, the Malaysian waits for instructions. The screen flickers and the instrucions are flashed on it:
"Chimpanzee, execute space manuever No. 23B"
The chimp takes over flight control and carries out the manuever. The Malaysian astronaut is impressed but patient... he knows his instructions will come and they'll probably be more complex than what the chimp just did.
The screen flickers again and more instructions appear:
"Chimpanzee, carry out scientific experiment No. 234"
The chimp goes to the lab and mixes chemicals and carries out all sorts of complex scientific experiments. While he's doing this, the Malaysian astronaut is impatient. He speaks to Ground Control tru the comm link: "Eh Control, how come I got nothing to do man... train for so long but the monyet does all the important work but I'm smarter than the monyet"
Finally Ground Control responds: "Be patient, your instructions are coming soon"
Finally, the monkey rejoins the Malaysian astronaut and they wait for the instructions from the screen.
The screen flickers and the message appears....
"Prepare for new instructions...."
A small door under the screen opens. Inside, there is a compartment with a wrapped item inside.....
"Malaysian astronaut, remove the item and unwrap then wait for further instructions"
The Malaysian astronaut unwraps the item and finds a banana inside. "Must be biogenetic banana" he thinks...
The screen flickers again....
"Malaysian astronaut, please feed the monkey"
Once in orbit, the Malaysian waits for instructions. The screen flickers and the instrucions are flashed on it:
"Chimpanzee, execute space manuever No. 23B"
The chimp takes over flight control and carries out the manuever. The Malaysian astronaut is impressed but patient... he knows his instructions will come and they'll probably be more complex than what the chimp just did.
The screen flickers again and more instructions appear:
"Chimpanzee, carry out scientific experiment No. 234"
The chimp goes to the lab and mixes chemicals and carries out all sorts of complex scientific experiments. While he's doing this, the Malaysian astronaut is impatient. He speaks to Ground Control tru the comm link: "Eh Control, how come I got nothing to do man... train for so long but the monyet does all the important work but I'm smarter than the monyet"
Finally Ground Control responds: "Be patient, your instructions are coming soon"
Finally, the monkey rejoins the Malaysian astronaut and they wait for the instructions from the screen.
The screen flickers and the message appears....
"Prepare for new instructions...."
A small door under the screen opens. Inside, there is a compartment with a wrapped item inside.....
"Malaysian astronaut, remove the item and unwrap then wait for further instructions"
The Malaysian astronaut unwraps the item and finds a banana inside. "Must be biogenetic banana" he thinks...
The screen flickers again....
"Malaysian astronaut, please feed the monkey"
Logik
A World Bank development official went into a kampung to help the residents improve economically.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)