3 thieves

one night, 3 thieves broke into a house. Upon entering, they broke up and went searching around the house for valuables. unfortunately, the owner heard their footsteps and came down to check, he saw the 3 thieves and gave them a chase. The 3 thieves ran until they reached an alley and so thought it would be a good place to hide. the 1st thief found a sack of 'pedigree' dog food and so he hid inside the sack of dog food, the 2nd thief found a sack of 'whiskers' cat food and so he hid inside the sack of cat food, the 3rd thief was searching frantically for somewhere to hide when he spotted a sack of pork meat so without much hesitation, he hid inside.

when the owner finally reached the alley, he noticed some movement in those sacks. slowly, he came closer to the sack of pedigree and gave it a slight nudge. "Woff Woff!!" imitated the thief. so the owner thought it was just a hungry dog, then he came closer to the sack of whiskers and gave it a slight nudge. "Miao ~ !!" imitated the thief. so the man thought it was just a hungry cat. lastly, he went to the sack of pork meat and gave it a slight nudge. "Woi !! Jangan kacau la !!"

Geng-Geng

Indian gang ahow up with parang.

Chinese gang show up with bleached hair and wooden sticks.

Malay gang show up late with motorbike helmet.

Excess

4 friends, an Indonesian, a French, a Malay, and a Chinese, went hiking on a hill together. When they reached the top, the Indonesian took out a cigarette and started smoking halfway before throwing his pack of cigarettes down the hill. He said, "My country lacks of everything except of cigarettes."

Not to be outdone, the French took out an expensive bottle of fragrance, put it on, and threw the remaining down the hill. "My country lacks of everything except of fragrances."

When they both turned their heads to the Chinese, they looked in horror as the Chinese kicked his Malay friend down the hill. "My country ah, what also don't have, only have alot of Malays."

Dating Malay, Chinese, and Indian Girls.

Malay girl

1st date: You get to hold hands

2nd date: You get a goodbye kiss.

3rd date: You both get caught by JAIS.

Chinese girl

1st date: You take her to a restaurant.

2nd date: You take her to an expensive restaurant.

3rd date: You take her to a very expensive restaurant and buy her a diamond necklace. You get to hold her hand later that night.
[I]
Indian girl

1st date: You meet her parents.

2nd date: She meets your parents.

3rd date: Wedding night.

The genie.

A drunkard jobless Indian stumbled onto a lamp. He rubbed on it and a magical genie Singh with a turban appeared and said "I grant you two wishes, Macha.." The Indian thought for a while and said "OK, I want to be rich like a Chinaman! Poof! When the smoke disappeared, the Indian was smartly dressed, hair jelled and combed back like Chow Yuen Fatt complete with handphone in hand. As he walked towards his brand new shiny Mercedes, he noticed his own reflection. Not only was he smartly dressed, he was also much fairer in complexion. The shocked Indian angrily summoned the genie and complained " Are you deaf or what? I said I wanted to be rich like a Chinaman, not become a Chinaman!" I don't want to be a Chinaman because they cheat, lie and con their way to become rich..." The genie reminded him that he's entitled to one more wish "What do you want then, Muthu?" To which Muthu quickly replied " I just want to be rich and I don't want to work!" Poof! He was transformed into a Bumiputra...

sigh

In Malaysia...

If you're not lazy, you're not Malay,
If you're not greedy, you're not Chinese,
If you don't get drunk every night, you're not Indian~~~

Malaysian in Space

Dr. Mahathir was about to send the first Malaysian rocket into space.

3 potential astronauts were called for an interview - one Indian, one Malay and one Chinese.

Dr. M interviews the Indian first: "So, Muthu, this is a dangerous mission... how much do you think you should be paid for it?"

Muthu thinks to himself and says, "1 million ringgit."
"Why so much?" asks Dr. M.
"Nowadays toddy wery expensive, Datuk..." replies Muthu.
"I see," said Dr. M. "Thank you... please ask the Malay guy to come here."
So the Malay walks up, and is asked the same question.
"Uh... 2 million boleh lah," replies the Malay applicant.
"2 million? That's a lot of money! Even the aneh before you only asked for one million!"
"You see, Datuk," explained Mat. "I have 4 wives and 15 children...so, 20 of us in the family, we need a lot of money to support ourselves..."
"I see," said Dr. M. "Okay, can you ask the Chinese guy to come up here now?"

The Chinese guy comes in and Dr. M asks, "Ah Chong, this is a dangerous mission... how much do you think you should be paid?"
Ah Chong thinks for a while, and suddenly says, "3 million."
Mahathir is shocked. "WHAT?!?! 3 million? Why so much?!"
Ah Chong beckons Dr. M to come closer, and whispers, "One million you keep, one million I keep, and then one more million to send the aneh into space."

Ah beng

AH BENG the Crazy Singaporean.

Why did Ah Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends?
Because below 18 not allowed Lah !
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Ah Beng wants to buy a TV set. He goes to a shop.
Ah Beng : "Do you have color TV ?"
Salesgirl : "Yes !" Ah Beng : "Give me a green one, please" -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Ah Beng is filling up an application form for a job.
He supplied the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address etc.
Then he comes to column on "Salary Expected", but he is not sure of the question.
After much thought, he writes " Yes "
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Ah Beng goes to a store and sees a shiny object.

Ah Beng : "What is that shiny object ?"
Salesgirl : "That is a thermos flask."
Ah Beng : "What does it do ?"
Salesgirl : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
Ah Beng : "I'll buy it"
The next day, Ah Beng goes to work with his thermo flask
Boss : "What is that shiny object ?"
Ah Beng : "It's a thermos flask."
Boss : "What does it do ?"
Ah Beng : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
Boss : "What do you have in it !?"
Ah Beng : "Two cups of coffee and one cup of ice cream"
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

After taking photocopies of documents, Ah Beng always compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Ah Beng always smiles during lightning storms because he thinks his picture is being taken.
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Why can't Ah Beng dial 911?
Because he can't find the number 11 (eleven) on the phone.
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it.
When he encountered some problems. He decide to use the 'Help' command after some tries.
Soon after, he became very irritated and called the computer retailer for support.
Ah Beng : "I press the 'F1' key for help lah, but it's been over half an hour and still nobody come and help me Lah ?!"
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor.
The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring, lah - but
instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it
to my ear, lah" "Oh dear !" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ..
what happened to the other ear ?"
Ah Beng answered : "That stupid dumbo called back, lah !!!!"
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Ah Beng talk to a long-distance telephone operator.
Ah Beng: "COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME THE TIME DIFFERENCE BETWEEN Taipei
AND LAS VEGAS ?"
Operator: "JUST A MINUTE..."
Ah Beng : "THANK YOU lah" AND PUTS DOWN THE PHONE.
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite some time, Ah Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend.
"It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT", Ah Beng brags.
"FIVE MONTHS ? THAT'S TOO LONG", the friend exclaims.
"YOU ARE A FOOL." Ah Beng replies, "SEE THIS BOX, IT IS WRITTEN FOR 4-7 YRS".
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

At a bar in New York , the man to Ah Beng's left tells the bartender, "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE"
and his companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE".
The bartender approaches Ah Beng and asks, "AND YOU, SIR ?"
Ah Beng replies : "Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED lah"

China China China

賓拉登說：中國是全球唯一絕對不能惹的國家！
Bin Laden said: China is the world's only country we
absolutely cannot mess with


原因是這樣的：基地組織曾派出八名恐怖分子襲擊中國，結果如下：
The reason is this: al-Qaeda terrorists had made 8 attacks
on the Chinese with the following results:


*一人在炸北京西直門立體交通橋時，在橋上迷了路；
One person was to explode a bomb in Beijing Xizhimen (the
main northwest gate of Beijing) but he lost his way in the
three-dimensional traffic bridge;


*一人在上海坐公車自殺炸彈時，擠了兩小時沒擠上車；
One person in Shanghai was to take a bus to explode a
suicide bomb in the bus, but it was so crowded he could not get into a bus for
two hours;


*一人在武漢炸超市時，炸彈遙控器被偷；
One person was to bomb a supermarket in Wuhan, but found
that the bomb remote control was stolen;


*一人在炸成都政府大樓時，在門口被保安當作疆獨份子逮捕、狂揍、逼供；
One person wanted to bomb government buildings in Chengdu,
but was stopped at the door by the security staff and arrested as an East
Turkistan separatist, and was beaten and interrogated;

*一人成功地在河北炸礦，死傷數百人，潛回基地組織後，半年都沒見任何到有关新聞報
導，遂被組織以"謊報戰果罪"報處決了（這個最可憐！）；
One person succeeded in bombing a Hebei mine, with hundreds
of people dead and wounded, and then returned to the al-Qaeda center, but
even after six months, failed to see any news reports on the success of
the bombing ，he was considered by the organization to claim a false victory and was executed
(this is the most pathetic!);


*一人曾經嘗試炸廣州，結果剛一出火車站，炸藥包就給飛車黨搶了；
One person had tried to bomb Guangzhou, but as he came off
the train, a motorcycle robber (flying car robber) snatched his bag
(containing the bomb) from him;


*一人剛到西安就失聯，後來在醫院找到人，但卻是在昏迷當中，醫生說他不但吃到
黑心食品，還喝到假酒，可能會成為植物人；
One person who arrived in Xi'an lost contact, and was
later found at the hospital in a state of coma. Doctors said it was the result of
him eating not only "black-hearted" food products, but he also drank
fake alcohol, and would possibly turn into a "vegetable" (vegetative state);


*後來，賓拉登改派一名女恐怖分子去炸海南島，結果竟然被騙去賣淫！
Later, bin Laden tried to send a female terrorist to blow up Hainan Island,
but she was cheated into prostitution!


最後，賓拉登不得不說：記得！！中國是全球唯一絕對不能惹的國家！
Finally, bin Laden have to say: Remember! ! China is the
world's only country we absolutely cannot mess with!

Chinese people

Chinese man walks into a bank in New York City and
asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer
that he is going to China on business for two weeks
and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need
some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese man
hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the
street in front of the bank. He produces the title and
everything checks out.

The Loan officer agrees to accept the car as
collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its
officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese for
using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a
$5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into
the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two
weeks later, the Chinese returns, repays the $5,000
and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to
have had your business, and this transaction has
worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out and found that
you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is why
you would bother to borrow $5, 000.The Chinese
replies:

"Where else in New York City can I park my car for
two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there
safely when I return

1 marlaysia...

why dont we just make it 2 malaysia?

Marlaaay and non marlaay.

malaysia up there.

An Indian, a Chinese and a Malay were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all of them died before they arrived.

Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the Chinese, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present, asked him what happened.

"Well," said the Chinese, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Indian and the Malay and I were standing at the gates of heaven.

An Angel approached us and said that we were too young to die, and that for a donation of RM500, we could return to earth.

So, of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the RM500 and the next thing I knew I was back here."

"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors. "But what happened to the other two?"

"Last I saw them" replied the Chinese, "the Indian was bargaining over the price, and the Malay was waiting for the government to pay for his."

Malaysia K-9 Unit

Today i saw one pick up truck.

on the side in big big word it say Kastam Malaysia K-9 Unit.

Inside no dog. all malay -,-

Wtf?

Practice.

As i sitting in cafe ah,
allthe marlaay around me play counter strike.
play as terror.
maybe they training?

Malaysian english

Malaysia English vs Britian English ...

Who says our English is teruk. Just see below - Ours is simple,short,concise, straight-to-point, effective etc. The English did invent the English Language, but they cannot use it economically when communicating their intentions. Compare these phrases that Malaysians and Britons use to say the same thing: So, why make things so confusing and waste of money when you are and a long distance call.

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No Stock.

RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hallo, who page?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY.
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kew me

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians:No-need, lah.

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (pointing the door) can ar?

WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: Don't be shy, lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Malaysians: Doe-waaaan!

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're
coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad, ah?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please ! lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shaddap lah!

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Die-lah!!

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: Wat happen Why lidat????ADUI!!! (jumping to conclusion)

WHEN SOME ONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it here let mne show you.
Malaysians:Hoi!!!u pig ar lidat also doe no how to do!!!!

WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me
Malaysians:Celaka u/LANCAUUUUUUUU/cibai la/puki mak/pu nya ma!!!