As i sitting in cafe ah,
allthe marlaay around me play counter strike.
play as terror.
maybe they training?
Malaysian english
Malaysia English vs Britian English ...
Who says our English is teruk. Just see below - Ours is simple,short,concise, straight-to-point, effective etc. The English did invent the English Language, but they cannot use it economically when communicating their intentions. Compare these phrases that Malaysians and Britons use to say the same thing: So, why make things so confusing and waste of money when you are and a long distance call.
WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No Stock.
RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hallo, who page?
ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY.
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kew me
WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians:No-need, lah.
WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (pointing the door) can ar?
WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: Don't be shy, lah!
WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?
WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Malaysians: Doe-waaaan!
IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're
coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad, ah?
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please ! lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shaddap lah!
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?
WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Die-lah!!
WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: Wat happen Why lidat????ADUI!!! (jumping to conclusion)
WHEN SOME ONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it here let mne show you.
Malaysians:Hoi!!!u pig ar lidat also doe no how to do!!!!
WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me
Malaysians:Celaka u/LANCAUUUUUUUU/cibai la/puki mak/pu nya ma!!!
Who says our English is teruk. Just see below - Ours is simple,short,concise, straight-to-point, effective etc. The English did invent the English Language, but they cannot use it economically when communicating their intentions. Compare these phrases that Malaysians and Britons use to say the same thing: So, why make things so confusing and waste of money when you are and a long distance call.
WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No Stock.
RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hallo, who page?
ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY.
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kew me
WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians:No-need, lah.
WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (pointing the door) can ar?
WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: Don't be shy, lah!
WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?
WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Malaysians: Doe-waaaan!
IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're
coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad, ah?
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please ! lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shaddap lah!
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?
WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Die-lah!!
WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: Wat happen Why lidat????ADUI!!! (jumping to conclusion)
WHEN SOME ONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it here let mne show you.
Malaysians:Hoi!!!u pig ar lidat also doe no how to do!!!!
WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me
Malaysians:Celaka u/LANCAUUUUUUUU/cibai la/puki mak/pu nya ma!!!
Miss USA, Miss Malaysia and Miss Singapore
It is the final round of the Miss Universe Pageant and the 3 finalists, Miss USA, Miss Malaysia and Miss Singapore are being asked 3 simple questions:
MC: The first question is name me an electrical appliance starting with "L"
Miss USA: Lamp
Miss Malaysia: Light bulb
Miss Singapore: LADIO
Judge: No, no, Radio does not start with the letter "L"
MC: I am going to give you 2 more chances; The next question is name me an animal starting with the letter "L"
Miss USA: Lion
Miss Malaysia: Leopard
Miss Singapore: LABBIT
Judge: No, no, no, Rabbit does not start with the letter "L"
MC: I am going to give you one last chance, if you answer this question incorrectly, you are disqualified.
Name me a fruit starting with the letter "L"
Miss USA: Lemon
Miss Malaysia: Lychee
Miss Singapore, with full of confidence, smiles and says: LIEWLIAN !!
This is not the end of the story, the Judge consulted the board of judges to determine if Miss Singapore should really disqualified; and they decided that since Miss Singapore was having as many problems with the letter "L", the decided to give her another chance.
Judge: OK, the final question is name me a human anatomy starting with the letter "L"
Miss USA: Lung (applause)
Miss Malaysia: Liver (even more applause)
Miss Singapore: LAN JIAO
MC: The first question is name me an electrical appliance starting with "L"
Miss USA: Lamp
Miss Malaysia: Light bulb
Miss Singapore: LADIO
Judge: No, no, Radio does not start with the letter "L"
MC: I am going to give you 2 more chances; The next question is name me an animal starting with the letter "L"
Miss USA: Lion
Miss Malaysia: Leopard
Miss Singapore: LABBIT
Judge: No, no, no, Rabbit does not start with the letter "L"
MC: I am going to give you one last chance, if you answer this question incorrectly, you are disqualified.
Name me a fruit starting with the letter "L"
Miss USA: Lemon
Miss Malaysia: Lychee
Miss Singapore, with full of confidence, smiles and says: LIEWLIAN !!
This is not the end of the story, the Judge consulted the board of judges to determine if Miss Singapore should really disqualified; and they decided that since Miss Singapore was having as many problems with the letter "L", the decided to give her another chance.
Judge: OK, the final question is name me a human anatomy starting with the letter "L"
Miss USA: Lung (applause)
Miss Malaysia: Liver (even more applause)
Miss Singapore: LAN JIAO
Ah Hua interview
Ah Hua went for a job interview to be a secretary.
When the manager saw Ah Hua's colorful attire and gold, white-highlighted hair, his mind is screaming, "NOT THIS WOMAN!!!". Nevertheless, he still had to interview Ah Hua. So he told Ah Hua,"If you can form a sentence using the words that I give u, then I will give u a chance! The words are ."
Ah Hua thought for a while and said,"I hear the phone GREEN, GREEN, GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone, I say YELLOW.....BLUE's that? WHITE did you say? Aiyah, wrong numberlah.....Don't PURPLELY disturb people and don't call BLACK, ok? Kum Siah.
The manager fainted....
When the manager saw Ah Hua's colorful attire and gold, white-highlighted hair, his mind is screaming, "NOT THIS WOMAN!!!". Nevertheless, he still had to interview Ah Hua. So he told Ah Hua,"If you can form a sentence using the words that I give u, then I will give u a chance! The words are ."
Ah Hua thought for a while and said,"I hear the phone GREEN, GREEN, GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone, I say YELLOW.....BLUE's that? WHITE did you say? Aiyah, wrong numberlah.....Don't PURPLELY disturb people and don't call BLACK, ok? Kum Siah.
The manager fainted....
Malaysian Joke
Have you seen the Made-in-Malaysia car "Kancil"?
You know, that very little 600 cc car ???
Well, Dr M really wanted to sell it to the US, so when Dr M
paid a visit to the White House after finishing formal discussions with
George Bush, Dr M checks with Bush to find out if there is a way to sell
the Kancil in the USA.
After having looked at the brochure, Bush said, "You know,I think
this 'Kernchill' is too small for us Americans."
Not one who gives up easily, Dr M persisted and finally Bush
offered, "Ok,take this number down. This guy is my good buddy and
he's also the CEO of the biggest compact car distributor in North
America."
Dr M was satisfied
with the meeting and returns to Malaysia.
The next day he called the number and a lady answered,"TOYS R US",
can I help you?"
********************************************************************
Mr. Samy-vellu went for the United Nations' meeting.
He represented the Malaysian Prime Minister.
All nations were discussing about space exploration by the year
2008.
Here are some of the conversations:
China Delegate : "By the year 2008, China will start their moon
exploration project."
Russian Delegate : "We too, we are going to explore the moon.
This time we will see to it that our cosmonauts will step on the
moon."
George Bush & Clinton : "We the United States will also explore
the moon for the second time."
Malaysian Delegate: "By the year 2008, Malaysia will explore the sun."
There was a long
silence. Bush stood up and asked the
Malaysian delegate: "Isn't it too hot to explore the sun?"
Samy Vellu (after a long silence): "We will do it in the evening."
*********************************************************************
There are three major races in Malaysia - Malay, Chinese and
Indian.
The Malays have the political power and so they set up the party
UMNO, which literally means "U Must Not Object".
The Chinese, on the other hand, controls most of the Economy and
They called their party MCA which means "Money Conquers All".
Then there are the Indians who have no say in politics or
economics.?They set up their party called MIC. Hence, every Parliamentary
meeting the Indians would ask: "Must I Come?"
You know, that very little 600 cc car ???
Well, Dr M really wanted to sell it to the US, so when Dr M
paid a visit to the White House after finishing formal discussions with
George Bush, Dr M checks with Bush to find out if there is a way to sell
the Kancil in the USA.
After having looked at the brochure, Bush said, "You know,I think
this 'Kernchill' is too small for us Americans."
Not one who gives up easily, Dr M persisted and finally Bush
offered, "Ok,take this number down. This guy is my good buddy and
he's also the CEO of the biggest compact car distributor in North
America."
Dr M was satisfied
with the meeting and returns to Malaysia.
The next day he called the number and a lady answered,"TOYS R US",
can I help you?"
********************************************************************
Mr. Samy-vellu went for the United Nations' meeting.
He represented the Malaysian Prime Minister.
All nations were discussing about space exploration by the year
2008.
Here are some of the conversations:
China Delegate : "By the year 2008, China will start their moon
exploration project."
Russian Delegate : "We too, we are going to explore the moon.
This time we will see to it that our cosmonauts will step on the
moon."
George Bush & Clinton : "We the United States will also explore
the moon for the second time."
Malaysian Delegate: "By the year 2008, Malaysia will explore the sun."
There was a long
silence. Bush stood up and asked the
Malaysian delegate: "Isn't it too hot to explore the sun?"
Samy Vellu (after a long silence): "We will do it in the evening."
*********************************************************************
There are three major races in Malaysia - Malay, Chinese and
Indian.
The Malays have the political power and so they set up the party
UMNO, which literally means "U Must Not Object".
The Chinese, on the other hand, controls most of the Economy and
They called their party MCA which means "Money Conquers All".
Then there are the Indians who have no say in politics or
economics.?They set up their party called MIC. Hence, every Parliamentary
meeting the Indians would ask: "Must I Come?"
Story 1
Ah Lian ask shopkeeper: Eh Ah chek, u got sell stocking up to knee,boh?
Ah Chek: Lu siao ah! Stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist) only, where got up
to the 'nee'(breast) one.
------
Story 2
Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to show it
to her. So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car to his
girlfriend. "This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!"
Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian.
"Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!"
Ah Lian said, "Let me try! I wan, I wan!"
So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored the
accelerator. The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the
lamp-post.
"Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see la! Wah Piang eh!"screamed Ah
Beng.
"Solee, solee, pai sah la! No lah, I tot hor, "R" for racing mah!"*
-----
Story 3
The Titanic was sinking, and there weren't enough lifeboats. So the captain
had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy waters to make room
for women and children.
To the British he said. "You must act like gentlemen." They jumped.
To the Americans he said, "You can be heroes." They complied.
To the Germans he said, "It's the rule." They obeyed.
To the Japanese he said," It's the consensus." They obliged.
Then came the Singaporean and they just weren't budging until he came up
with the appeal: "Free life jackets for those who jumped."
-----
Story 4
3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian are at the army supply base to collect
underwear. The sergeant was there to aid the supplies.
Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwear you need ah?
Ah Beng : (thinks a while) 7 sasen(sergeant)!
Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many?
Ah Beng : Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one.
Sergeant: (Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwear?
Mat : (without hesitation) 6 sargen!
Sergeant: (curious) How come six?
Mat : Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong.
Sergeant: (Indian recruit) Dei Tambi. How many underwears dah dei?
Tambi : (very confidently) 12 Sarjen!
Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why you need so many for?
Tambi : January, February, March.....One month one.
-----
Story 5
Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted the
DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti" (In Hokkien means Ah Cheng buys
bread). The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them
tore-select another song. The Ah Bengs were very angry and kicked up a bigfuss, claiming the DJ was insulting them. The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down.
Finally, after long talk with Ah Bengs, manager found out that Ah Bengs
actually asking for the song "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers.
-----
Story 6
One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey and want to get
down to the ground floor.
As they looked at the dial, they could see the number 20 down to number 2.
It was then followed by a G.
As they not English-educated, they were puzzled and had no idea what the
the letter G meant.
Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit the "G" button.
When they finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was so
impressed and asked the first Ah Lian, "Wah low!, how you know one?"
The first Ah Lian replied smugly, "Easy la, G for Gero mah."
-----
Story 7
One day, there was an American, one Italian, a Malaysian and Bangladeshi
travelling on a private helicopter.
After about one hour traveling, the American took out his Cigarette
(Dunhill) lighted it up and start smoking after two sip, he threw the
balance of the cigarette.
The other three persons were surprised and asked, "Why didn't you finish-up
the cigarette before throwing?"
He replied arrogantly "there is a lot of cigarette in my country".
Half an hour later the Italian took a bottle of branded perfume and applied
it and the rest he throw out of the window.
The other three persons were again taken by surprise and asked, "Why did
you throw away the perfume?"
The Italian replied, "there is a lot of perfume in my country".
The Malaysian did't know what to do & suddenly push that Bangladeshi out
of the helicopter. The other two persons shouted crazily, "Why did you push
him?"
The Malaysian said slowly, "There is a lot of Bangladeshi in my
country!".
-----
Ah Lian ask shopkeeper: Eh Ah chek, u got sell stocking up to knee,boh?
Ah Chek: Lu siao ah! Stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist) only, where got up
to the 'nee'(breast) one.
------
Story 2
Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to show it
to her. So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car to his
girlfriend. "This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!"
Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian.
"Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!"
Ah Lian said, "Let me try! I wan, I wan!"
So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored the
accelerator. The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the
lamp-post.
"Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see la! Wah Piang eh!"screamed Ah
Beng.
"Solee, solee, pai sah la! No lah, I tot hor, "R" for racing mah!"*
-----
Story 3
The Titanic was sinking, and there weren't enough lifeboats. So the captain
had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy waters to make room
for women and children.
To the British he said. "You must act like gentlemen." They jumped.
To the Americans he said, "You can be heroes." They complied.
To the Germans he said, "It's the rule." They obeyed.
To the Japanese he said," It's the consensus." They obliged.
Then came the Singaporean and they just weren't budging until he came up
with the appeal: "Free life jackets for those who jumped."
-----
Story 4
3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian are at the army supply base to collect
underwear. The sergeant was there to aid the supplies.
Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwear you need ah?
Ah Beng : (thinks a while) 7 sasen(sergeant)!
Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many?
Ah Beng : Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one.
Sergeant: (Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwear?
Mat : (without hesitation) 6 sargen!
Sergeant: (curious) How come six?
Mat : Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong.
Sergeant: (Indian recruit) Dei Tambi. How many underwears dah dei?
Tambi : (very confidently) 12 Sarjen!
Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why you need so many for?
Tambi : January, February, March.....One month one.
-----
Story 5
Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted the
DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti" (In Hokkien means Ah Cheng buys
bread). The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them
tore-select another song. The Ah Bengs were very angry and kicked up a bigfuss, claiming the DJ was insulting them. The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down.
Finally, after long talk with Ah Bengs, manager found out that Ah Bengs
actually asking for the song "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers.
-----
Story 6
One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey and want to get
down to the ground floor.
As they looked at the dial, they could see the number 20 down to number 2.
It was then followed by a G.
As they not English-educated, they were puzzled and had no idea what the
the letter G meant.
Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit the "G" button.
When they finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was so
impressed and asked the first Ah Lian, "Wah low!, how you know one?"
The first Ah Lian replied smugly, "Easy la, G for Gero mah."
-----
Story 7
One day, there was an American, one Italian, a Malaysian and Bangladeshi
travelling on a private helicopter.
After about one hour traveling, the American took out his Cigarette
(Dunhill) lighted it up and start smoking after two sip, he threw the
balance of the cigarette.
The other three persons were surprised and asked, "Why didn't you finish-up
the cigarette before throwing?"
He replied arrogantly "there is a lot of cigarette in my country".
Half an hour later the Italian took a bottle of branded perfume and applied
it and the rest he throw out of the window.
The other three persons were again taken by surprise and asked, "Why did
you throw away the perfume?"
The Italian replied, "there is a lot of perfume in my country".
The Malaysian did't know what to do & suddenly push that Bangladeshi out
of the helicopter. The other two persons shouted crazily, "Why did you push
him?"
The Malaysian said slowly, "There is a lot of Bangladeshi in my
country!".
-----
Ah beng
1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me. I ran until I fell 6 and threw up. So I go into 7-eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 God he run away.
10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6. He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand. I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.
10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6. He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand. I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.
Wang.
Some time ago, a very bored person discovered that if wand was replaced with wang in harry potter, interesting results were produced.
----------------
"Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
"Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything
--------------
A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.
--------------
Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls
--------------
The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.
--------------
Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang. Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.
--------------
'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.
--------------
----------------
"Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
"Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything
--------------
A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.
--------------
Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls
--------------
The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.
--------------
Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang. Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.
--------------
'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.
--------------
Things to keep in mind while in MALAYsia.
If you ask Malay do for you - take long time.
If you ask Chinese do for you - cost more money.
If you ask Indian do for you - sure break wan.
If you eat Chinese food sure got pig blood inside wan...
If you eat Malay food sure is left over.
If you eat Indian food sure stomach ache.
If you looking for wife:
Chinese - noisy.
Malay - must potong.
Indian - curry damn nice I tell you!
If you buy Chinese car - accident sure die wan.
If you buy Indian car - sure slow wan.
If you buy Malay car - no engine wan.
If you enter Chinese temple: no problem!
If you enter Indian temple: no problem!
If you enter mosque: Racial issue.
Big fight
Chinese weapon: what weapon? KUNG FU!
Indian weapon: parang.
Malay weapon: kris? =.=
Chinese New Year: red packet. (Represent luck, blood and danger.)
Indian New Year: purple packet. (Represent nothing. Purple was cheapest colour to print.)
Malay New Year: green packet. (Represent pandan leaf.)
Malay - cannot eat pig
Indian - cannot eat beef.
Chinese - cannot e.....
Chinese - eat come first.
Indian - Alcohol come first.
Malay - government sponsor come first.
If you ask Chinese do for you - cost more money.
If you ask Indian do for you - sure break wan.
If you eat Chinese food sure got pig blood inside wan...
If you eat Malay food sure is left over.
If you eat Indian food sure stomach ache.
If you looking for wife:
Chinese - noisy.
Malay - must potong.
Indian - curry damn nice I tell you!
If you buy Chinese car - accident sure die wan.
If you buy Indian car - sure slow wan.
If you buy Malay car - no engine wan.
If you enter Chinese temple: no problem!
If you enter Indian temple: no problem!
If you enter mosque: Racial issue.
Big fight
Chinese weapon: what weapon? KUNG FU!
Indian weapon: parang.
Malay weapon: kris? =.=
Chinese New Year: red packet. (Represent luck, blood and danger.)
Indian New Year: purple packet. (Represent nothing. Purple was cheapest colour to print.)
Malay New Year: green packet. (Represent pandan leaf.)
Malay - cannot eat pig
Indian - cannot eat beef.
Chinese - cannot e.....
Chinese - eat come first.
Indian - Alcohol come first.
Malay - government sponsor come first.
Things you will never see
- Marlay play dota and win.
- Marlay play dota use meepo.
- Marlay rob bank n succeed.
- Marlay use real bike race.
- Marlay eat Bak Kut teh.
- Marlay own anything without help from Government.
- Marlay wear Songkook in Passport foto.
- Marlay shop in LV.
- Marlay come early for exam on Friday.
- Marlay with skin not cut. *points to groin region*
Harlal Pork
The Malaysian government has announced that effective of today, a harlaarl version of barbee will be havailable.
The ministry officially announced today that rumours that have been circulating the community are in fact true.
Malaysian scientists recently discovered a gene that could in fact make barbee safe for consumption. The technique was discovered accidentally when the scientists were in fact looking for a cure to the rising problem of mat-rempit-syndrome which is rapidly spreading throughout the country as thousands of "people of the earth" decide to race through the streets with "modified" 5cc Motorbikes, around the city in attempts to look cool.
The kelantan government has reportedly built a special track that provides for these 5cc bikes to race and show off. A study was conducted and it was discovered that shockingly, mat rempit only race after 9pm. The tracks are only open from 9AM to 5PM. Ahbeng, a member of the C Mat rempit commented on this saying that the track was made by kayu people and that he prefers racing at home.
Special shops will be set up by the ministry and these meat will be available for prices ranging from RM50 to RM100 per KG.
The story of 1 against 25,274,132
News source has confirmed that a secret organization that hates all races other than the "native people" have waged a war against all aliens in Malaysia. The M(KKK), a Malaysian version of the KKK have claimed that they were responsible for the injection of the H1N1 virus into Malaysian soil.
A man who bordered a Malayan Airlines flight from NY to KL was the carrier for the deadly virus that is now spreading across Malaysia. The carrier made sure that the infection would spread by coughing into the air conditioning system on the plane. He also blew his nose into a piece of tissue paper and left it on his table so that the H1N1 would be able to spread.
Officials in KLIA failed to detect the presence of the H1N1 virus despite having millions of ringgitz in fund. The source of the error was due to the fact that the employees had gone to drink a few Heineken's in one of the stairwells.
Malaysian authorities refused comment.
UPDATE!
We have just received news that the flu has spread to The Island of Penang. Authorities are saying that in order to protect all other civilians on mainland, the island has been quarantined. No one is allowed in or out, without bio hazard suits. The authorities have stated that if necessary, Malaysia will use nuclear weapons to vaporize the island in an attempt to clear aliens and the H1N1 virus.
"It is like killing 2 stones with one bird" was the exact word the chief of the H1N1 squad used to describe the shocking situation.
The chief is a known member of the MKKK.
God save us all.
A man who bordered a Malayan Airlines flight from NY to KL was the carrier for the deadly virus that is now spreading across Malaysia. The carrier made sure that the infection would spread by coughing into the air conditioning system on the plane. He also blew his nose into a piece of tissue paper and left it on his table so that the H1N1 would be able to spread.
Officials in KLIA failed to detect the presence of the H1N1 virus despite having millions of ringgitz in fund. The source of the error was due to the fact that the employees had gone to drink a few Heineken's in one of the stairwells.
Malaysian authorities refused comment.
UPDATE!
We have just received news that the flu has spread to The Island of Penang. Authorities are saying that in order to protect all other civilians on mainland, the island has been quarantined. No one is allowed in or out, without bio hazard suits. The authorities have stated that if necessary, Malaysia will use nuclear weapons to vaporize the island in an attempt to clear aliens and the H1N1 virus.
"It is like killing 2 stones with one bird" was the exact word the chief of the H1N1 squad used to describe the shocking situation.
The chief is a known member of the MKKK.
God save us all.
How i tortured a Live Assistance person.
I went here and discovered a LIVE ASSISTANCE BUTTON ON THE SIDE.
I decided to torture this poor soul. "Her" name is "Margaret" and the products that they sell are robots. the scooba and the dirt dog are 2 products thet they sell.
I am obviously "samual young"
p.s i know its long, but i pissed her off in the end. LOL! MUST READ MUST READ!!!!
ENJOY.
______________________________________________________________
Margaret: Hi, my name is Margaret. How may I help you?
Samual Young: hello
Margaret: Hi.
Samual Young: margret is a stupid name.
Samual Young: are u a fat guy in disguise?
Samual Young: anyways
Samual Young: i would like to know more about the irobot scooba
Margaret: What would you like to know about it?
Samual Young: i would like to know how much the entire set would cost.
Samual Young: ...including the dock and all that fatty.
Margaret: Scoobas start at $299.99. These are the current prices on our online store*:
iRobot Scooba® 330 model: $299.99 (+ applicable taxes and shipping)
iRobot Scooba® 350 model: $399.99 (+ applicable taxes and shipping)
iRobot Scooba® 380 model: $499.99 (+ applicable taxes and shipping) **ON SALE NOW- only $449.99!
* Prices are subject to change. Please visit our website for current pricing and specials.
Samual Young: that is just for the robot right?
Samual Young: how bout extra brushes
Samual Young: and how long do the brushes last?
Margaret: The brush in the Scooba will last for about one year, although this can be shortened, depending on use.
Samual Young: wow a year....
Samual Young: does it use water?
Margaret: Yes.
Samual Young: then i have to fill it up?
Margaret: Yes, before running the Scooba you would fill it up with water.
Samual Young: and how long will the water last?
Samual Young: a year?
Margaret: One cleaning cycle, or 45 minutes.
Samual Young: so let me get this straight. i have to refill the "robot" manually every 45 minutes?
Margaret: Yes. The dirty tank would need to be emptied and then the clean tank filled.
Samual Young: why cant it do that automatically?
Margaret: At this time it is not a design feature of the Scooba.
Samual Young: Oh i see.
Samual Young: i think if i use a mop, it takes about 45 minutes before i have to refill the pail.
Samual Young: so why should i switch to the "robot"?
Margaret: Becuase with the robot, you would not be doing the mopping.
Samual Young: But if i use a mop, i dont do the mopping anyways. My maid does.
Margaret: It is possible then, that the Scooba might not be the best robot for you then.
Samual Young: and do you have any other robots that might be the best robot for me?
Samual Young: i live in a house that has 15 bedrooms
Samual Young: so it would be nice if there was a robot that does not need to be filled every 45 minutes
Margaret: I do apologize for the inconvenience. At this point we do not have any robots that would be able to do all 15 plus rooms at one time.
Samual Young: how many of those scoobas would i need?
Samual Young: 1 per room?
Margaret: The Scooba 380 can do up to 4 rooms on a single battery charge.
Samual Young: but 15 is not divisible by four... :(
Samual Young: and these rooms are prob. as big as your house.
Samual Young: do you have a house by the way?
Margaret: The Scooba 380 can clean 850 sq feet on a single battery charge.
Samual Young: that is the size of 2 rooms sadly.
Samual Young: have you heard of my house?
Samual Young: its very famous
Margaret: Do you have any other questions about the Scooba that I can assist you with?
Samual Young: you are very rude. I am asian and it is customary to ask such type of questions to individuals that we meet
Samual Young: i would like to know your refrence number so that i can submit a complaint to your manager
Samual Young: i am sure he would understand my disappointment.
Margaret: I do apologize. I do not have a reference number. I am the only Margaret here.
Samual Young: If there are so few people assisting us customers
Samual Young: how can we trust your company?
Margaret: May I answer any other questions you have about the Scooba?
Samual Young: i have some questions on the dirt dog
Samual Young: will you answer them?
Margaret: I can assist with questions about the Dirt Dog.
Samual Young: or are you specifically assigned to the scooba only?
Samual Young: okay
Samual Young: i would like to know
Samual Young: will you answer my question?
Margaret: If it is about the Dirt Dog or another iRobot robot I will answer your question.
Samual Young: i just typed a question but you didnt answer me.
Samual Young: the question was regarding the dirt dog
Margaret: I do apologize. It does appear that the question did not come through properly. I am unable to see the question you are referring to.
Samual Young: could i suggest that your company upgrades its internet line as well as its old ass computers.
Samual Young: this is very fustrating for us customers.
Samual Young: my question was
Samual Young: if i were to leave it alone in my garage and if it were to pick up materials such as small parts of a machine that im building, would it damage those parts?
Margaret: It probably would not damage those parts.
Samual Young: but those parts are made up of very delicate sillicon material that would decompose on exposure to temperatures above 30 degrees.
Samual Young: is it that hot inside the "robot"
Samual Young: ?
Margaret: No, it is not very hot.
Margaret: It would not be good though, to run the Dirt Dog in below freezing tempurtures.
Samual Young: who in the world has a freezing garage? are u stupid?
Samual Young: i would like to know exacly how hot it is inside the "robot"
Margaret: I do apologize. We do not have that information avalible.
Samual Young: oh i see.
Samual Young: a rough estimate perhaps?
Margaret: The Dirt Dog is going to be very close to the temperature of the room you are running it in.
Samual Young: so if my garage was as lets say an aprox of 15 degrees, the temperature inside the DD would be exacly 15 degrees?
Margaret: No. It would be around that temperature though.
Samual Young: okay.
Samual Young: that is good.
Samual Young: how do i dispose of the waste collected?
Margaret: The way that you dispose of the rest of the trash in your house.
Samual Young: that was not what i meant. i meant how would i dispose of the dirt it collected? is there a throw away bag inside, or is it like a vaccum cleaner?
Margaret: It is like a bagless vacuum cleaner. There is a Dust Bin on the back of the Dirt Dog that pulls off. Then, the debris in the Dust Bin can be emptied into a trash can.
Samual Young: if the dirt contained liquid?
Margaret: The Dirt Dog is not designed to pick up liquids of any kind. It would void the warranty on the Dirt Dog. It would also, most likely, do internal damage to the Dirt Dog.
Samual Young: how about mud?
Margaret: Mud would be considered a liquid.
Samual Young: semi-liquid mixture actually. so then the dirt dog can only pick up dry materials? what happens if there is liquid on my floor? am i supposed to check my entire floor for liquid before i can run the dirt dog? -____-
Margaret: Yes. We would recommend checking the floor for any liquid first.
Samual Young: what a useful "robot"
Margaret: Is there any other questions you have today about the robot?
Samual Young: can the roomba pick up ud?
Samual Young: mud*
Margaret: No. It would do the same thing to the Roomba as the Dirt Dog.
Samual Young: http://store.irobot.com/shop/index.jsp?categoryId=2804605
Samual Young: the image
Samual Young: shows
Samual Young: mud
Samual Young: on the floor
Margaret: It actually looks like dry dirt to me.
Samual Young: it came from a pot which contained a plant. the "dirt" would have contained some amount of water and so it is considered as mud. so the "robot" can actually pick up mud.
Margaret: In the picture it clearly looks dry, not wet or liquefied. If it were, the person would need to dry the floor first before running the Roomba, per the warranty.
Samual Young: so the "dirt" on the floor has to be 100% DRY?
Margaret: yes, it does.
Samual Young: Okay
Samual Young: thank you
Samual Young: you have been very helpful
Samual Young: i would like to place an order for 15 roombas
Samual Young: is there anyway i could mention your name there or something so that they know that it was you who helped me?
Margaret: Thank you for chatting with us. Here is a link for convenient shopping:
http://clickserve.cc-dt.com/link/click?lid=41000000010125513&mid=C3388
Samual Young: wow. are you always strictly professional?
Samual Young: do you ever go out of your way to make a customer happy?
Margaret: If you use that link, it will let them know that I was the one assisting you.
Samual Young: thank you for NOT telling me that before.
Samual Young: I have a sort of personal question for you. would you answer it?
Margaret: No, I am not required to answer personal questions, so I would not.
Samual Young: I just wanted to know if you personally use a cleaning robot at home
Samual Young: thats all.
Samual Young: would you be able to answer that?
Margaret: Yes, I do use a robot at home.
Samual Young: so you did answer a personal question :D
Samual Young: does it work well?
Samual Young: any problems with it?
Margaret: I do not have any issues with it. It works very well for me.
Samual Young: did you get it free? or did you pay for it?
Margaret: I would consider that question too personal to answer.
Samual Young: do you have a problem with asian people?
Margaret: No, I do not. I do not answer that question for any customer.
Samual Young: If your husband was your customer, would you have answered the question?
Margaret: That is a personal question as well.
Samual Young: do you have a house? (is this too personal as well?)
Margaret: Do you have any more questions about robots? If not I will terminate this chat.
Samual Young: do you use a robot to pleasure yourself?
---------Margaret has disconnected.
I decided to torture this poor soul. "Her" name is "Margaret" and the products that they sell are robots. the scooba and the dirt dog are 2 products thet they sell.
I am obviously "samual young"
p.s i know its long, but i pissed her off in the end. LOL! MUST READ MUST READ!!!!
ENJOY.
______________________________________________________________
Margaret: Hi, my name is Margaret. How may I help you?
Samual Young: hello
Margaret: Hi.
Samual Young: margret is a stupid name.
Samual Young: are u a fat guy in disguise?
Samual Young: anyways
Samual Young: i would like to know more about the irobot scooba
Margaret: What would you like to know about it?
Samual Young: i would like to know how much the entire set would cost.
Samual Young: ...including the dock and all that fatty.
Margaret: Scoobas start at $299.99. These are the current prices on our online store*:
iRobot Scooba® 330 model: $299.99 (+ applicable taxes and shipping)
iRobot Scooba® 350 model: $399.99 (+ applicable taxes and shipping)
iRobot Scooba® 380 model: $499.99 (+ applicable taxes and shipping) **ON SALE NOW- only $449.99!
* Prices are subject to change. Please visit our website for current pricing and specials.
Samual Young: that is just for the robot right?
Samual Young: how bout extra brushes
Samual Young: and how long do the brushes last?
Margaret: The brush in the Scooba will last for about one year, although this can be shortened, depending on use.
Samual Young: wow a year....
Samual Young: does it use water?
Margaret: Yes.
Samual Young: then i have to fill it up?
Margaret: Yes, before running the Scooba you would fill it up with water.
Samual Young: and how long will the water last?
Samual Young: a year?
Margaret: One cleaning cycle, or 45 minutes.
Samual Young: so let me get this straight. i have to refill the "robot" manually every 45 minutes?
Margaret: Yes. The dirty tank would need to be emptied and then the clean tank filled.
Samual Young: why cant it do that automatically?
Margaret: At this time it is not a design feature of the Scooba.
Samual Young: Oh i see.
Samual Young: i think if i use a mop, it takes about 45 minutes before i have to refill the pail.
Samual Young: so why should i switch to the "robot"?
Margaret: Becuase with the robot, you would not be doing the mopping.
Samual Young: But if i use a mop, i dont do the mopping anyways. My maid does.
Margaret: It is possible then, that the Scooba might not be the best robot for you then.
Samual Young: and do you have any other robots that might be the best robot for me?
Samual Young: i live in a house that has 15 bedrooms
Samual Young: so it would be nice if there was a robot that does not need to be filled every 45 minutes
Margaret: I do apologize for the inconvenience. At this point we do not have any robots that would be able to do all 15 plus rooms at one time.
Samual Young: how many of those scoobas would i need?
Samual Young: 1 per room?
Margaret: The Scooba 380 can do up to 4 rooms on a single battery charge.
Samual Young: but 15 is not divisible by four... :(
Samual Young: and these rooms are prob. as big as your house.
Samual Young: do you have a house by the way?
Margaret: The Scooba 380 can clean 850 sq feet on a single battery charge.
Samual Young: that is the size of 2 rooms sadly.
Samual Young: have you heard of my house?
Samual Young: its very famous
Margaret: Do you have any other questions about the Scooba that I can assist you with?
Samual Young: you are very rude. I am asian and it is customary to ask such type of questions to individuals that we meet
Samual Young: i would like to know your refrence number so that i can submit a complaint to your manager
Samual Young: i am sure he would understand my disappointment.
Margaret: I do apologize. I do not have a reference number. I am the only Margaret here.
Samual Young: If there are so few people assisting us customers
Samual Young: how can we trust your company?
Margaret: May I answer any other questions you have about the Scooba?
Samual Young: i have some questions on the dirt dog
Samual Young: will you answer them?
Margaret: I can assist with questions about the Dirt Dog.
Samual Young: or are you specifically assigned to the scooba only?
Samual Young: okay
Samual Young: i would like to know
Samual Young: will you answer my question?
Margaret: If it is about the Dirt Dog or another iRobot robot I will answer your question.
Samual Young: i just typed a question but you didnt answer me.
Samual Young: the question was regarding the dirt dog
Margaret: I do apologize. It does appear that the question did not come through properly. I am unable to see the question you are referring to.
Samual Young: could i suggest that your company upgrades its internet line as well as its old ass computers.
Samual Young: this is very fustrating for us customers.
Samual Young: my question was
Samual Young: if i were to leave it alone in my garage and if it were to pick up materials such as small parts of a machine that im building, would it damage those parts?
Margaret: It probably would not damage those parts.
Samual Young: but those parts are made up of very delicate sillicon material that would decompose on exposure to temperatures above 30 degrees.
Samual Young: is it that hot inside the "robot"
Samual Young: ?
Margaret: No, it is not very hot.
Margaret: It would not be good though, to run the Dirt Dog in below freezing tempurtures.
Samual Young: who in the world has a freezing garage? are u stupid?
Samual Young: i would like to know exacly how hot it is inside the "robot"
Margaret: I do apologize. We do not have that information avalible.
Samual Young: oh i see.
Samual Young: a rough estimate perhaps?
Margaret: The Dirt Dog is going to be very close to the temperature of the room you are running it in.
Samual Young: so if my garage was as lets say an aprox of 15 degrees, the temperature inside the DD would be exacly 15 degrees?
Margaret: No. It would be around that temperature though.
Samual Young: okay.
Samual Young: that is good.
Samual Young: how do i dispose of the waste collected?
Margaret: The way that you dispose of the rest of the trash in your house.
Samual Young: that was not what i meant. i meant how would i dispose of the dirt it collected? is there a throw away bag inside, or is it like a vaccum cleaner?
Margaret: It is like a bagless vacuum cleaner. There is a Dust Bin on the back of the Dirt Dog that pulls off. Then, the debris in the Dust Bin can be emptied into a trash can.
Samual Young: if the dirt contained liquid?
Margaret: The Dirt Dog is not designed to pick up liquids of any kind. It would void the warranty on the Dirt Dog. It would also, most likely, do internal damage to the Dirt Dog.
Samual Young: how about mud?
Margaret: Mud would be considered a liquid.
Samual Young: semi-liquid mixture actually. so then the dirt dog can only pick up dry materials? what happens if there is liquid on my floor? am i supposed to check my entire floor for liquid before i can run the dirt dog? -____-
Margaret: Yes. We would recommend checking the floor for any liquid first.
Samual Young: what a useful "robot"
Margaret: Is there any other questions you have today about the robot?
Samual Young: can the roomba pick up ud?
Samual Young: mud*
Margaret: No. It would do the same thing to the Roomba as the Dirt Dog.
Samual Young: http://store.irobot.com/shop/index.jsp?categoryId=2804605
Samual Young: the image
Samual Young: shows
Samual Young: mud
Samual Young: on the floor
Margaret: It actually looks like dry dirt to me.
Samual Young: it came from a pot which contained a plant. the "dirt" would have contained some amount of water and so it is considered as mud. so the "robot" can actually pick up mud.
Margaret: In the picture it clearly looks dry, not wet or liquefied. If it were, the person would need to dry the floor first before running the Roomba, per the warranty.
Samual Young: so the "dirt" on the floor has to be 100% DRY?
Margaret: yes, it does.
Samual Young: Okay
Samual Young: thank you
Samual Young: you have been very helpful
Samual Young: i would like to place an order for 15 roombas
Samual Young: is there anyway i could mention your name there or something so that they know that it was you who helped me?
Margaret: Thank you for chatting with us. Here is a link for convenient shopping:
http://clickserve.cc-dt.com/link/click?lid=41000000010125513&mid=C3388
Samual Young: wow. are you always strictly professional?
Samual Young: do you ever go out of your way to make a customer happy?
Margaret: If you use that link, it will let them know that I was the one assisting you.
Samual Young: thank you for NOT telling me that before.
Samual Young: I have a sort of personal question for you. would you answer it?
Margaret: No, I am not required to answer personal questions, so I would not.
Samual Young: I just wanted to know if you personally use a cleaning robot at home
Samual Young: thats all.
Samual Young: would you be able to answer that?
Margaret: Yes, I do use a robot at home.
Samual Young: so you did answer a personal question :D
Samual Young: does it work well?
Samual Young: any problems with it?
Margaret: I do not have any issues with it. It works very well for me.
Samual Young: did you get it free? or did you pay for it?
Margaret: I would consider that question too personal to answer.
Samual Young: do you have a problem with asian people?
Margaret: No, I do not. I do not answer that question for any customer.
Samual Young: If your husband was your customer, would you have answered the question?
Margaret: That is a personal question as well.
Samual Young: do you have a house? (is this too personal as well?)
Margaret: Do you have any more questions about robots? If not I will terminate this chat.
Samual Young: do you use a robot to pleasure yourself?
---------Margaret has disconnected.
AhBeng
Name: Ahbeng
Gender: Male
Age: 19
Address: 1234 Banana road, Banana island, Banana Republic.
Gender: Male
Age: 19
Address: 1234 Banana road, Banana island, Banana Republic.
Likes: Banana.
Dislikes: Oranges.
Music: Hard-banana rock.
Email: banana-ahbengistherulerofthebananaworldandyouareallunderhispowers@banana.com
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