Oh my gawd.

remember that day ahbeng buy big big teddybear?
Today i saw that VERY SAME teddy in Baris's hands. :O
WTFFFFFF... maybe i should introduce him to annwarr.

JOY TO THE WORLD, BARIS IS DEAD.
WE SHOULD SHIT ON HIS HEAD.
WE TOOK HIS HEAD FROM HIS BODY
AND SHUFFED IT DOWN THE POTTY
AND WATCHED IT GO ROUND
ROUND AND ROUND AND ROUND
ROUND AND ROUND AND ROUND
UNTILL IT ALL WENT DOWN.

the best prank call ever.

Baris, Ahbeng and seefu.

Since 14 feb is varlandine's day, my kungfuschool had a mini-fair. Now it was very exciting: got music, food, soft toy, etc etc etc


I not bothered go and buy anything. But on the way i saw delicious cupcake. i buy some cupcake for myself. Then when leavng time i suddenly see ahbeng doing somehing there. I quickly hide make sure that he no see me. Then i see him go and buy one teddy bear and hide in his big big bag.



Then after our class, we decide to come down and guess what we see!!!!!!

people bring pool table and charge 2 dollah per game. so all of us go play loh.


Suddenly this prawndan come. walk around laugh laugh and i notice lah. Straight i turn y back look in other direction because i scare if i look too long later my eye bleed... =.=


Then something caught my eye, i turn around look again and this is what i saw in he... HIS hand:

I almost scream like banana. Not because i want the bag, but because of price of bag. Just before i can scream, my friend tell me: dis one phake lah. if real, he would have afford to go operation his face.

Then the b-tard turn around and look at me.

I swear i almost carry pool table and throw at his face. after that i run straight go far far away from him.

I slap her so hard.

• I slapped my new seefu so hard, now she looks like my old seefu.
• I slapped my new seefu so hard, now she has a set of detachable noses like Michael Jackson.
• I slapped my new seefu so hard, she became black.
• I slapped my new seefu so hard, she shat brix.
• I slapped my new seefu so hard, her mader started to cry.
• I slapped my new seefu so hard, she flew back home.
• I slapped my new seefu so hard, she gained weight.
• I slapped my new seefu so hard, her hair fell off.
• I slapped my new seefu so hard, my old seefu in Thailand started to scream in pain.
• I slapped my new seefu so hard, the kungfuschool collapsed.
• I slapped my new seefu so hard, she now looks like baris. [i will explain next post]
• I slapped my new seefu so hard, ahbeng began to eat pig.

The cat spa.

Today i bring my friends go to cat spa.

Its this new thing come from JAPAN. experts say that this spa is very good for people whit dead bodies on their feet.

In this spa, they make hole in floor and throw like 300 catz inside. These aren't any normal cats, they are special cats that are trained to eat the dead bodies on your feet.

So what happen is that you put your feet inside and they clean clean and when you take out: your feet feel very good!!!!!

They charge 22USD for 30 minutes of this special spa. i can buy the cats for 22 USD... =.=

So this is what happen, me n my friends went. we put our leg inside, when come out:

no more feet already. =.=

Dont pray pray width me arh.

Back in the olden days, when Dr.Poof was a liddle ghirl, there was this bully she used to know in school... Now my seefu went to a Chinese school, where everyone obviously spoke Chinese. [okay fine. mandarin... there is no such language as Chinese. nor is there a language called Hindu shorty.]


Hanyways, this bully knew one sentence. Dont Pray Pray ah. [dont play play. ah....] this sentence was then discovered by gurmit singh who used it in PCK, but that is off topic.



Everytime my seefu kena bully, before the bully steal her monaaay or candaaay, bully say that sentence. and that became the first words she learnt in eenglish. "dont pray pray"


Everyday when she go home she start to sing "dont pray pray" on the way while walking, Until it became permanent stuck in her head.


Then after she finish secondary school, she vow to become kungfumaster so that she could find her high school bully and defeat that poor fellow.


she master the skills and hobtain the peehetchdee in KungfuLYING and fooled the world.

fake is fake.

Seefu's best student.

I got slapped.

me : hey, my bag is broken, it wont carry my books anymore, what should i do?

her : carry it with your hands then.

-holds her hand-

me : i cant do that, my hands are meant to hold your hands, not carry books

i got slapped

------------------------------

me : do you know why a man's hand must be rough, not smooth?

her : hmm, i dont know. why?

-hold her hands-

me : it is so that the man can hold his girl's hand. it will not slip.

-tries to shake loose but failed-

me : this only shows that it is hard to seperate us.

-i got slapped-

after seefu left this is what is happening

My seefu left and now so many things happening.

so many People going to hell/heaven/longkang
Goalkeeper kena wack by own team mate
Hair falling
belly growing
money flying
economy making factory close
people fail kungfupracticals.

Today one uncle try do something very... i do not knoe what to day.

He wan try make bus go swimming in river... in Malaysia river = giant longkang.

He make bus full with small shildren then fly straight into riber. Lucky he stupid and the 5 year old is smarter. He wack steering wheel, die straight. The children grab hold onto all the rubbish they see and straight float to GH.

My seefu call the government scold them and then say that he actually help the student float to gh by using his powers from Thailand. He say that the government is kayu and that he wants to be next PM.

My friend is a hero.

Okay lah, i lied.

He was using laptop and he saw something, straight kena eyebleed. =.=

that was a lie too.

This is what happen.

My friend play phootball. noe while playing phootball, the guy always take goalkee-pee-r position. Now this is what happen.

The striker kick the ball and my friend as usual because he like kiss the floor so much, do a dive. Then his defender like him so much that the defender take opportunity of him on the floor and jump on him. [defender is what we call softy...phargot]

Then the defender's thing poke the goalkeeper's eye.

Wah i tell you, the goalkeeper got up and see everything red. Then he ask his team mate why ball turn red colour. The friend is very smart. he say that maybe goalkeeper watch too many prawn at home so the big boss *points to sky* give him colour blindness.

Straight go hospital, now he cannot PCC de. no 'privacy'

Hotels

today i pass by one hotels in penang. I saw one man sell insurance for car and school. They were also showing film there. It is there that i met ahbeng.

He was driving a Shentoo showing off like as if he drive mazda RX7. he drive drive then whack into bole.
whole car flip and fall into longkang. they try bring him out, but cannot.

now he is with my old seefu.

OmgSoSadMyKungFuMateOldAlready

*THIS IS STRICTLY FOR FUN. NO EMO-ing PLEASE.*

Remember that the Harlal boy broke the table?

Well, fortunately he wasn't sitting behind me. unfortunately, he was sitting behind the dude who always sits to my left. That poor b-tard kena wack so hard by the shockwave produced by the table-chop, whole day today class so quiet.

Then i overhear that he and his 'special friend' [who look like a duckasaur] plan to do something 'do'night.

then i ask what they talking about, he just look at me and show constipated face.

Then somebody yell from back: "tmmrow is his bday lah!!!!"

so whole row agree to go to his house at 12 am make noise and give him bday cake with present.

Everyone climb over wall of his compound and almost get bitten by his 2 dog. we give them harlal food, they shuddup de.

We open door and climb up stairs, open room door and jump inside room.

Unfortunately he was playing bu long sai with duck and barney on bed. We kena shot by a300 and now, eyes damn pain.

so much for surprise! -,-

Kungfu continues.

Since my seefu left *may that old fart be in peace.*, the kungfuschool was quick to replace his ass with another Kungfu seefu that is even greater than my previous seefu. *may that old fart be in peace.*


And to top everything, the new seefu is a lady! imagine a lady teaching us Kungfu. Not that im a sexist, but just imagine it... vely phunny woh. but actually thinking about it, w.o.m.a.n don't have that part woh... so no weakness... hmmmm.........


Now my new seefu has the 2nd most highest qualification that you can have in kungfu. Its called the PEEHETCHDEE. i didn't believe it, and after i kacau kacau her, she like my old seefu *may that old fart be in peace.*, told us the very long story about how she has submitted a video of her martial arts and she is waiting for a reply from the kungfu university.


Actually i think she wont get it because of some very obvious reasons.

1. she is not bald. all kungfu masters that i know are bald. except that faker jackyshann.
2. she has not had army experience.
3. she has not done junior college, thus no experience in handling us.
4. she pronounces very as vely, and pendulum as peen-doodoo-loom and watch as wash etc etc
5. she spent 15 minutes telling that the crane stance was to be performed while standing on the head. we argued and finally the students won the master by showing her page 35936 of the kungfu manual.
6. she tells us that she might not have enough time to teach us the rat-disarming move, but has enough time to pick her nose in front of us.
7. she eats babi.

Today she masuk the classroom [yes, our class has been moved indoors because the kungfu school caught several hundred kungfu masters standing at the fence laughing their buts off at my new seefu.] and u wont believe what she did. She started giving us papers... i was like wtf, then she explain: i wan test you see if can paper the cut with hand.

WTF?

Please repeat question sheebai.

I wan see if u can uno... uno... chop paper with hand *points to palm*

O ceh.

At that point the one who cannot eat babi broke the table in half and walked out in disgust.

My seefu is gone... forever....

This morning I learnt that my seefu has left us all... forever.
He was a good seefu. He trained us so hard.

1. We could bear the smell of rotten eggs after his classes.
2. We learnt MALAYSIA BOLEH.
3. We learnt that the lonkgang didn't stink as bad as we thought.
4. We learnt that old people like to massage.
5. We learnt that there was a dim sum shop opposite our school.
6. We learnt the crane stance that prevented our 'glorious' seefu from falling down oh-so many times.
7. We learnt that the polite way to go to the washroom: Stand up and yell at the top of your voice: "UNCLE. I WAN GO PANG JIU"
8. We learnt that the secret to being a good sniper is to drink homemade coca cola.
9. We learnt how to make nuclear bombs.
10. We learnt how to build dams the right way.
11. We learnt that annwaar is a good man...
12. ...Then we were told that he is kayu.
13. We learnt how to tie knots properly.
14. We learnt not to sit in the front rows of the class.
15. We learnt how to laugh at jokes that weren't even close to funny.
16. We learnt how to challenge gangsters.
17. We learnt that the Japanese created the dum-dum bullet.
18. We learnt how he rolled in cow shit for 2 days until the smell soaked his skin.
19. We learnt that Cambridge is cheating the world.
20. We learnt that wiping a teachers ass is very important.
21. We learnt that if you can do something, he can do it better.
22. We learnt how lousy the standard of a commando is now. They drowned in a swimming pool.
23. We learnt that the best commandos can go for 10 days without sleeping. My seefu can do 11.
24. We learnt that KSA is very smart.
25. We learnt that Garvan is not so smart. yesterday he invented the 'guided bullet system'. today he is working with the US Army on a top secret device to kill his former seefu.
26. We learnt that when you punch, you twist your wrist.
27. We learnt NEVER to cycle into a bus. [read here]
28. We learnt that it is not a good idea to become the principal of a school. If forced, become the principal of a boys school only.
29. We learnt that while the world is in a huge economic crisis, the nation is focusing on small hole.
30. Most importantly we learnt the Tofu Theory that explains why u go splat when you jump off a building.