Anneh

Wife checked her husband's phone and found these names:

- The tender one
- the amazing one
- Lady of my dreams

She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his mother. Then she called the second number on which his sister replied . When she dialed the third number her own phone rang !!!!

She cried until her eyes got swollen because she had doubted her innocent husband, so she gave him her whole months salary to make up for her sin.
Once his mother came to know of the story, she sold all her jewellery and gave him the money

Husband took the money and bought a gift for his girlfriend whose name was saved as "Electrician Gopal"

chicken nut bread

ANNOUNCEMENT: NEW AIR ASIA UNIFORMS

PETALING JAYA: After receiving numerous complaints from angry and unsatisfied spouses regarding the overly immodest cabin crew uniforms, Air Asia co-founder and group CEO Tan Sri Tony Fernandes announced today that a unanimous decision had been made by the board to adapt a zero percent sexual uniform for all flight attendants, both male and female.

The latest uniform, designed by Australia's most acclaimed international fashion designers, Marteen Grant, features a simple yet and stylish white robe that is guaranteed to eliminate any unwanted feelings that may arise in passengers.

Cabin crew staff will also undergo 3 weeks of intensive training on how to serve passengers in absolute silence and without physical contact.

[idiot disclaimer: If you haven't guessed it by now, this is just a joke.]

Ah Pek v/s the Pope

About a century or two ago, the Pope got tired of all the hot pot party invitations he received that lunar month and so he decided that all the yellow bugger Chinese had to leave Italy.

Naturally there was a big uproar from the Chinese community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Chinese community. If the Chinese win, they could stay. If the Pope wins, the Chinese would have to leave.

The Chinese realized that they had no other choice. So they picked the oldest "wisest" man who ate more salt that the others. His name was Ah Pek and he was elected to represent them.

As Ah Pek was not conversant in Italian language, he asked for one condition to be added to the debate.

'To be fair', he said, 'neither side would be allowed to talk'.

The Pope was like wtf but agreed anyways.

On the day of the big debate, Ah Pek and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute.

Then the Pope raised his hand and showed *three fingers*.

Ah Pek looked back at him and raised *one finger*.

The Pope *waved his fingers in a circle* around his head.

Ah Pek *pointed to the ground* at where he sat.

The Pope pulled out *a loaf and a glass of wine*.

Ah Pek pulled out an *apple*.

The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good in religious knowledge. The Chinese can stay."

An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened.

The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the holy trinity." He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions.

"Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us."

"I pulled out the wine and loaf to show that God absolves all sin. He showed me an apple to remind us of the original sin."

"He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Chinese community also crowded around Ah Pek and asked him what's happened in the debate.

"Well", said Ah Pek, "First he indicated to me that all Chinese had 3 days to get out of here. I raised my MIDDLE finger and asked him to go fly kite, and that none of us was leaving."

"Then he pointed that this whole city would be cleared of Chinese. I showed him that we are staying right here."

"Yes, and then?", asked the crowd.

"I don't know.", said Ah Pek, "He took out his *lunch*, so I took out mine."

Bangla in malayshia

One Bangla showed up at a Toyota showroom, took out $2,000 and told the salesman, "Give me a Camry".

The salesman was shocked and said, "Bro, your money not enough".

The Bangla raised his voice and said, "Look at your advertisement outside, it is written as "Camry 2000".

The salesman calmly replied, "Bro, you go out, turn right to the showroom next door, it's much cheaper, "BMW 525"

Then the salesman further said, "Bro if you want the cheapest, turn left to the next door, Mercedes 200"

Then Mercedes salesman said, "Go out, turn left, you can get Volvo XC60."

Then Volvo salesman said, "Go out, down the road, you can get Audi A4"

Happy with the $4 Audi?

Audi salesman said, "Go to Honda, and ask for the Honda Freed.

World Cup

A Korean guy asked God:

"God when will Korea win the World cuppa?"

God said
"50 years"

The Korean Guy cried because he wont live to see his country team win

A Singaporean guy ask God:

"God when will Singapore wins the world cup arh?"

God said
"100 years"

The Singaporean guy cried because he and his son wont live to see his country team win.

A Malaysian guy ask God:

"God when will Malaysia win the world cup la?"

God cried instead.

ONLY MAHATHIR UNDERSTANDS SAMY VELLU

Samy Vellu was visiting India when he fell and broke his jaw. He was unable to speak.

Being the great leader, he continued his grand tour. On the last week of his visit, although still unable to speak, Samy insisted on sending a message home to his Cabinet colleagues.

Samy caught a chicken and showed it to the camera.

Next he took a goat, and showed it to the camera.

Finally he took a bag and displayed it in front of the camera.

Dr Ling was the first to see the video clip. He said, "Samy is telling us that India has insufficient food because he showed us a chicken and a goat and he wants Malaysia to donate bags of rice."

Mahathir watched silently then said, "No lah....what Samy is trying to say is HE IS COMING BACK." The whole Cabinet was puzzled and looked to the old man for an explanation. Mahathir reasoned, "AYAM KAMBING BAG.".... ("I am coming back" in Indian accent)

O hi there!

Swimming hero

Last night, an incident took place at Boat Quay. What happened was some idiot was trying to show off and declared that he would swim across the Singapore River.

He jumped in and started swimming. But before he could reach the halfway mark, he started to panic and started to shout for help.

Being typical Singaporeans, a crowd started to gather to watch and yet no attempt was made by anybody to save that poor chap.

Suddenly there was a splash and the crowd turned to see a guy doing what seemed like a desperate attempt to reach the drowning victim. It was clear that this hero couldn't swim !

Luckily a tongkang filled with tourists was passing by and the operator saw the incident and picked both men from the water. The crowd cheered !

Back on shore, the crowd cheered again as the hero stepped off the tongkang. "Steady Lah !" and "Awright, man !" were among the many congratulations shouted.

The hero looked angry and shouted "Ka ni na! Siang too wa loh chui?" (*%#@! Who pushed me into the water?")

Ready for take off.

Golden inside

Telur Goreng

Raja Bomoh Funny Picture Collection

Collected from various sos around the internet. 

Supernatural?

There was this case in a hospital's intensive care ward where patients always died in the same bed and always on Friday mornings, regardless of their medical conditions.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had to do with the supernatural. So the doctors decided to go down to that particular ward to investigate the cause.

Come Friday morning, everyone at the hospital ward nervously waited for the terrible phenomenon to occur again. Some held wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil....

As the time approached, their hearts began beating anxiously, and with every beat of the clock, everyone held their breath........ .... Then Ah Soh, the part-time Friday cleaner, came into the room and unplugged the life support system so that she could use the vacuum cleaner.

Malaysian Traffic lights