Malaysian Funny: Jokes, famous lines and stereotypes!

Bomb

2012-01-19T02:56:00.000-08:00

Bomb damage in middle east:

Bomb Damage in Malaysia:

"I think they used pandan leaf" ~Seefu.

2012-01-04T07:15:00.000-08:00

Collection after the jump! Click "READ MORE"

Like my look

2011-11-04T08:53:00.001-07:00

Hair gel for the win.

Husband Store

2011-10-20T00:26:00.000-07:00

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the values of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights.

The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 -

You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

chinese and jews making business

2011-10-19T00:24:00.000-07:00

A Chinese goes to a Jew to buy black bras size 38. The Jew, known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers.
Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them.

The Chinese buys 25 pairs.

He returns a few days later and this time orders fifty.

The Jew tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each.

The Chinese returns a month later and buys the Jew’s remaining stock of 50, and this time for $75.00 each.

The Jew is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black bras and asks the Chinese, please tell me: What do you do with all these black bras?

The Chinese answers: ‘I cut them in half and sell the halves as skull caps to the Jews for $200.00 each.

2011-08-24T14:49:00.000-07:00

2011-08-24T14:46:00.000-07:00

dartukLCW with the PM.

"Thumbs up!"

2011-08-24T14:42:00.000-07:00

So...

2011-07-08T23:26:00.000-07:00

Is the king wearing yellow today?

Malaysian Bomb Disposal win! =D

2011-05-24T12:23:00.000-07:00

China Bomb Squad

US Bomb Squad

Malaysia Bomb squad.

(with no protection... very hero)

"On the spot report!"

ahbeng again!

2011-05-22T04:54:00.000-07:00

"Hello?"

"Hi honey.

This is Daddy.

Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy.

She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Ah Beng."

After a brief pause,Daddy says,"But honey,you haven't got an Uncle Ah Beng."

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."

Brief Pause.

"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay Daddy, just a minute."

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.

"I did it Daddy."

"And what happened honey?"

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.

Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!! What about Uncle Ah Beng?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared
and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."

***Long Pause***

Then Daddy says,"What...swimming pool? Is this 486-5731?"

Ahbeng Heroh.

2011-05-22T04:53:00.000-07:00

Last night, an incident took place at Klang River. What happened was some idiot was trying to show off and declared that he would swim across the Klang River.
He jumped in and started swimming. But before he could reach the halfway mark, he started to panic and started to shout for help.

Being typical Malaysians, a crowd started to gather to watch and yet no attempt was made by anybody to save that poor chap.

Suddenly there was a splash and the crowd turned to see a guy doing what seemed like a desperate attempt to reach the drowning victim. It was clear that this hero couldn't swim !

Luckily a tongkang filled with tourists was passing by and the operator saw the incident and picked both men from the water. The crowd cheered !
Back on shore, the crowd cheered again as the hero stepped off the tongkang. "Steady Lah !" and "Awright, man !" were among the many congratulations shouted.

The hero looked angry and shouted "Ka ni na! Siang too wa loh chui?" (*%#@! Who pushed me into the water?")

-------X-------

There were 4 Ah Bengs. They decided to start a business. They decided to start an auto garage. They bought the best of car servicing equipment and manpower. The 4 Ah Bengs waited that day for the car to arrive but no car entered their garage.They waited for 1 day,2 days, a week for the car to arrive but no car came to their garage. WHY? Because their garage was on the second floor.

After this failure they decided to try good old taxi driving. They bought a new London Cab & began to look for passengers. They drove past Orchard Road but nobody hailed their taxi. They went to Changi Airport yet nobody hailed their taxi.

They even drove to Serangoon Road, even nobody hailed their taxi.In desperation they kept on driving all around Singapore but alas no one hailed their taxi. WHY? Because all the four Ah bengs were sitting in the taxi.

After the 4 Ah Bengs were very disappointed with their fate & decided to push their taxi into the sea. They started pushing their taxi. They push the whole day & were very exhausted but the taxi did not move even an inch.

They decided to rest for a while & started to push again. The taxi just wouldn't move. WHY? Because 2 Ah Bengs were pushing the front & 2 from behind.

-------X-------

Ah Beng, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire himself out as a handyman and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. He went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for him to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

Beng said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told him that the paint and ladders that he might need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does he realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "He should. He was standing on the porch."
A short time later, Ah Beng came to the door to collect his money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," Ah Beng answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," Ah Beng added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Fellali."

Embarrassing.

2011-05-15T19:01:00.000-07:00

Say Cheese

2011-05-15T03:52:00.000-07:00

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to show them what has happened. A Detective Inspector is sent and is taken to the first body.

'Clinton, 60, died of heart failure whilst in bed with his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector,' says the Coroner.

The DI is taken to the second dead man. 'Suharto, 70, made a pile from government funds, and spent it all on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.

'Nothing unusual here', thinks the DI, and asks to be shown the last body.

Ah,' says the coroner. 'This is the most unusual one. Dr. Maahathirr, 75, struck by lightning.'

'Why is he smiling then?' inquires the Inspector.

To which the coroner replies, 'He thought he was having his picture taken.'

Intelligent.

2011-05-13T14:03:00.000-07:00

1 day there was a marlay man talking to a chinese manager.

So he asked the chinese,Why you guys so rich and we are so poor?*in a very angry way*
So the chinese man ask him do u really want to know?
So the marlay man say yes.
So the chinese man put his hand on the wall.
He say come hit my hand.
(the marlay use full power to hit it)
But the chinese man avoid it. and the marlay hit his own hand againts the wall.
Marlaÿ:Why did u avoid it?
Chinese say:This is call intelligent.

So the marlay went back his kampong.
He say to his friend,Do You Know why chinese are so rich and we are so poor?
Then one of his friend say YES I WANT TO KNOW.
So he say come i show you.

*But that place dont have any wall*

So he ask another friend come. He put his hand on another marlay's face.

""PUNCH IT HAND HAND ON MY HAND"
So the friend punch it.But it did not hit his hand. It hit his friends face.
So the friend ask him why is he punching face?
He answer: This is call intelligent.

Amazing.

2011-04-26T04:19:00.001-07:00

M iss ing.

2011-04-15T04:50:00.001-07:00

Get Vietnamese workers, dogs missing .
Get Ba ng ladeshi workers, Malay girls missing .
Get Indonesian workers, money missing .
Get Indian workers, jewelleries missing .
Get Chinese workers, husbands missing .
Call the police, the evidence goes missing ,
Call the lawyers, the judge go missing ,
Call the ministry of transport, the reports go missing
Change the government, funds go missing ,
Say something and you may be missing .

missing no good

Malaysian rides

2011-03-02T17:14:00.000-08:00

They be pimping in the kampung ♪

Does this kancil look familiar? =\

And we must not forget Malaysia's latest pride and joy, the original creative design of the.....

inspirataxi.

King of shit

2011-01-20T08:09:00.000-08:00

VIA

/k/

100

2010-10-28T00:33:00.000-07:00

Scrap the 100 story building and distribute the money amongst all Malaysians is the better way.

The First Malaysian in Space

2010-10-04T11:26:00.000-07:00

Mahathir finally sends a Malaysian into space courtesy of the Russians. Finally, after months of training, the Malaysian astronaut and a chimpanzee are blasted off into space.

Once in orbit, the Malaysian waits for instructions. The screen flickers and the instrucions are flashed on it:

"Chimpanzee, execute space manuever No. 23B"

The chimp takes over flight control and carries out the manuever. The Malaysian astronaut is impressed but patient... he knows his instructions will come and they'll probably be more complex than what the chimp just did.

The screen flickers again and more instructions appear:

"Chimpanzee, carry out scientific experiment No. 234"

The chimp goes to the lab and mixes chemicals and carries out all sorts of complex scientific experiments. While he's doing this, the Malaysian astronaut is impatient. He speaks to Ground Control tru the comm link: "Eh Control, how come I got nothing to do man... train for so long but the monyet does all the important work but I'm smarter than the monyet"

Finally Ground Control responds: "Be patient, your instructions are coming soon"

Finally, the monkey rejoins the Malaysian astronaut and they wait for the instructions from the screen.

The screen flickers and the message appears....

"Prepare for new instructions...."

A small door under the screen opens. Inside, there is a compartment with a wrapped item inside.....

"Malaysian astronaut, remove the item and unwrap then wait for further instructions"

The Malaysian astronaut unwraps the item and finds a banana inside. "Must be biogenetic banana" he thinks...

The screen flickers again....

"Malaysian astronaut, please feed the monkey"

Irony.

2010-10-03T11:16:00.000-07:00

Logik

2010-09-02T06:03:00.000-07:00

A World Bank development official went into a kampung to help the residents improve economically.

He immediately felt the reason for the poverty was clear when he saw Mat lounging under a tree.

"Why aren't you working?" he asked.

"Work for what?" replied Mat.

World Bank Official: "So you can have an income!"

Mat: "For what?"

World Bank Official: "So you can start saving!"

Mat: "For what?"

World Bank Official: "So you don't have to work any more!"

Mat looked at him, puzzled, and said: "I'm not working now."

Halal Tableware

2010-08-15T06:50:00.000-07:00

yeah... good. good.

via: kfchan

New car

2010-08-06T13:18:00.000-07:00

one day an indian, chinese and malay each got a car. so they decided to bless the car in their own ways.

The indian sprinkled holy water on the car.
The chinese drove his car underwater.
The malay cut the exhaust pipe off.

3 thieves

2010-08-05T13:18:00.001-07:00

one night, 3 thieves broke into a house. Upon entering, they broke up and went searching around the house for valuables. unfortunately, the owner heard their footsteps and came down to check, he saw the 3 thieves and gave them a chase. The 3 thieves ran until they reached an alley and so thought it would be a good place to hide. the 1st thief found a sack of 'pedigree' dog food and so he hid inside the sack of dog food, the 2nd thief found a sack of 'whiskers' cat food and so he hid inside the sack of cat food, the 3rd thief was searching frantically for somewhere to hide when he spotted a sack of pork meat so without much hesitation, he hid inside.

when the owner finally reached the alley, he noticed some movement in those sacks. slowly, he came closer to the sack of pedigree and gave it a slight nudge. "Woff Woff!!" imitated the thief. so the owner thought it was just a hungry dog, then he came closer to the sack of whiskers and gave it a slight nudge. "Miao ~ !!" imitated the thief. so the man thought it was just a hungry cat. lastly, he went to the sack of pork meat and gave it a slight nudge. "Woi !! Jangan kacau la !!"

Geng-Geng

2010-08-05T03:04:00.000-07:00

Indian gang ahow up with parang.

Chinese gang show up with bleached hair and wooden sticks.

Malay gang show up late with motorbike helmet.

Everything also want to ban lah.

2010-07-20T03:32:00.001-07:00

It started with no pork.

Then evolved to banning the use of a word meaning God in a newspaper.

Then it was Avril being to sexy to sing.

Then somewhere along the line wearing MU jersey not harlarl because there is a red devil in the logo.

Now latest one: Kopi luak also wanna ban. =.= link here

Ban everything la. Drink only water, eat only berries and live in a cave. Noneed to shave also lah. =\

2010-06-25T11:47:00.000-07:00

4 friends, an Indonesian, a French, a Malay, and a Chinese, went hiking on a hill together. When they reached the top, the Indonesian took out a cigarette and started smoking halfway before throwing his pack of cigarettes down the hill. He said, "My country lacks of everything except of cigarettes."

Not to be outdone, the French took out an expensive bottle of fragrance, put it on, and threw the remaining down the hill. "My country lacks of everything except of fragrances."

When they both turned their heads to the Chinese, they looked in horror as the Chinese kicked his Malay friend down the hill. "My country ah, what also don't have, only have alot of Malays."

Dating Malay, Chinese, and Indian Girls.

2010-06-23T11:46:00.000-07:00

Malay girl

1st date: You get to hold hands

2nd date: You get a goodbye kiss.

3rd date: You both get caught by JAIS.

Chinese girl

1st date: You take her to a restaurant.

2nd date: You take her to an expensive restaurant.

3rd date: You take her to a very expensive restaurant and buy her a diamond necklace. You get to hold her hand later that night.
[I]
Indian girl

1st date: You meet her parents.

2nd date: She meets your parents.

3rd date: Wedding night.

The genie.

2010-06-22T11:44:00.000-07:00

A drunkard jobless Indian stumbled onto a lamp. He rubbed on it and a magical genie Singh with a turban appeared and said "I grant you two wishes, Macha.." The Indian thought for a while and said "OK, I want to be rich like a Chinaman! Poof! When the smoke disappeared, the Indian was smartly dressed, hair jelled and combed back like Chow Yuen Fatt complete with handphone in hand. As he walked towards his brand new shiny Mercedes, he noticed his own reflection. Not only was he smartly dressed, he was also much fairer in complexion. The shocked Indian angrily summoned the genie and complained " Are you deaf or what? I said I wanted to be rich like a Chinaman, not become a Chinaman!" I don't want to be a Chinaman because they cheat, lie and con their way to become rich..." The genie reminded him that he's entitled to one more wish "What do you want then, Muthu?" To which Muthu quickly replied " I just want to be rich and I don't want to work!" Poof! He was transformed into a Bumiputra...

sigh

2010-06-21T11:43:00.000-07:00

In Malaysia...

If you're not lazy, you're not Malay,
If you're not greedy, you're not Chinese,
If you don't get drunk every night, you're not Indian~~~

Malaysian in Space

2010-06-19T11:42:00.001-07:00

Dr. Mahathir was about to send the first Malaysian rocket into space.

3 potential astronauts were called for an interview - one Indian, one Malay and one Chinese.

Dr. M interviews the Indian first: "So, Muthu, this is a dangerous mission... how much do you think you should be paid for it?"

Muthu thinks to himself and says, "1 million ringgit."
"Why so much?" asks Dr. M.
"Nowadays toddy wery expensive, Datuk..." replies Muthu.
"I see," said Dr. M. "Thank you... please ask the Malay guy to come here."
So the Malay walks up, and is asked the same question.
"Uh... 2 million boleh lah," replies the Malay applicant.
"2 million? That's a lot of money! Even the aneh before you only asked for one million!"
"You see, Datuk," explained Mat. "I have 4 wives and 15 children...so, 20 of us in the family, we need a lot of money to support ourselves..."
"I see," said Dr. M. "Okay, can you ask the Chinese guy to come up here now?"

The Chinese guy comes in and Dr. M asks, "Ah Chong, this is a dangerous mission... how much do you think you should be paid?"
Ah Chong thinks for a while, and suddenly says, "3 million."
Mahathir is shocked. "WHAT?!?! 3 million? Why so much?!"
Ah Chong beckons Dr. M to come closer, and whispers, "One million you keep, one million I keep, and then one more million to send the aneh into space."

Ah beng

2010-06-06T01:19:00.001-07:00

AH BENG the Crazy Singaporean.

Why did Ah Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends?
Because below 18 not allowed Lah !
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Ah Beng wants to buy a TV set. He goes to a shop.
Ah Beng : "Do you have color TV ?"
Salesgirl : "Yes !" Ah Beng : "Give me a green one, please" -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Ah Beng is filling up an application form for a job.
He supplied the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address etc.
Then he comes to column on "Salary Expected", but he is not sure of the question.
After much thought, he writes " Yes "
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Ah Beng goes to a store and sees a shiny object.

Ah Beng : "What is that shiny object ?"
Salesgirl : "That is a thermos flask."
Ah Beng : "What does it do ?"
Salesgirl : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
Ah Beng : "I'll buy it"
The next day, Ah Beng goes to work with his thermo flask
Boss : "What is that shiny object ?"
Ah Beng : "It's a thermos flask."
Boss : "What does it do ?"
Ah Beng : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
Boss : "What do you have in it !?"
Ah Beng : "Two cups of coffee and one cup of ice cream"
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

After taking photocopies of documents, Ah Beng always compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Ah Beng always smiles during lightning storms because he thinks his picture is being taken.
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Why can't Ah Beng dial 911?
Because he can't find the number 11 (eleven) on the phone.
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it.
When he encountered some problems. He decide to use the 'Help' command after some tries.
Soon after, he became very irritated and called the computer retailer for support.
Ah Beng : "I press the 'F1' key for help lah, but it's been over half an hour and still nobody come and help me Lah ?!"
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor.
The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring, lah - but
instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it
to my ear, lah" "Oh dear !" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ..
what happened to the other ear ?"
Ah Beng answered : "That stupid dumbo called back, lah !!!!"
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

Ah Beng talk to a long-distance telephone operator.
Ah Beng: "COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME THE TIME DIFFERENCE BETWEEN Taipei
AND LAS VEGAS ?"
Operator: "JUST A MINUTE..."
Ah Beng : "THANK YOU lah" AND PUTS DOWN THE PHONE.
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite some time, Ah Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend.
"It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT", Ah Beng brags.
"FIVE MONTHS ? THAT'S TOO LONG", the friend exclaims.
"YOU ARE A FOOL." Ah Beng replies, "SEE THIS BOX, IT IS WRITTEN FOR 4-7 YRS".
-------? ? ? ? ? ?-------

At a bar in New York , the man to Ah Beng's left tells the bartender, "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE"
and his companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE".
The bartender approaches Ah Beng and asks, "AND YOU, SIR ?"
Ah Beng replies : "Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED lah"

China China China

2010-05-16T05:14:00.000-07:00

賓拉登說：中國是全球唯一絕對不能惹的國家！
Bin Laden said: China is the world's only country we
absolutely cannot mess with

原因是這樣的：基地組織曾派出八名恐怖分子襲擊中國，結果如下：
The reason is this: al-Qaeda terrorists had made 8 attacks
on the Chinese with the following results:

*一人在炸北京西直門立體交通橋時，在橋上迷了路；
One person was to explode a bomb in Beijing Xizhimen (the
main northwest gate of Beijing) but he lost his way in the
three-dimensional traffic bridge;

*一人在上海坐公車自殺炸彈時，擠了兩小時沒擠上車；
One person in Shanghai was to take a bus to explode a
suicide bomb in the bus, but it was so crowded he could not get into a bus for
two hours;

*一人在武漢炸超市時，炸彈遙控器被偷；
One person was to bomb a supermarket in Wuhan, but found
that the bomb remote control was stolen;

*一人在炸成都政府大樓時，在門口被保安當作疆獨份子逮捕、狂揍、逼供；
One person wanted to bomb government buildings in Chengdu,
but was stopped at the door by the security staff and arrested as an East
Turkistan separatist, and was beaten and interrogated;

*一人成功地在河北炸礦，死傷數百人，潛回基地組織後，半年都沒見任何到有关新聞報
導，遂被組織以"謊報戰果罪"報處決了（這個最可憐！）；
One person succeeded in bombing a Hebei mine, with hundreds
of people dead and wounded, and then returned to the al-Qaeda center, but
even after six months, failed to see any news reports on the success of
the bombing ，he was considered by the organization to claim a false victory and was executed
(this is the most pathetic!);

*一人曾經嘗試炸廣州，結果剛一出火車站，炸藥包就給飛車黨搶了；
One person had tried to bomb Guangzhou, but as he came off
the train, a motorcycle robber (flying car robber) snatched his bag
(containing the bomb) from him;

*一人剛到西安就失聯，後來在醫院找到人，但卻是在昏迷當中，醫生說他不但吃到
黑心食品，還喝到假酒，可能會成為植物人；
One person who arrived in Xi'an lost contact, and was
later found at the hospital in a state of coma. Doctors said it was the result of
him eating not only "black-hearted" food products, but he also drank
fake alcohol, and would possibly turn into a "vegetable" (vegetative state);

*後來，賓拉登改派一名女恐怖分子去炸海南島，結果竟然被騙去賣淫！
Later, bin Laden tried to send a female terrorist to blow up Hainan Island,
but she was cheated into prostitution!

最後，賓拉登不得不說：記得！！中國是全球唯一絕對不能惹的國家！
Finally, bin Laden have to say: Remember! ! China is the
world's only country we absolutely cannot mess with!

Chinese people

2010-01-11T00:02:00.000-08:00

Chinese man walks into a bank in New York City and
asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer
that he is going to China on business for two weeks
and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need
some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese man
hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the
street in front of the bank. He produces the title and
everything checks out.

The Loan officer agrees to accept the car as
collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its
officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese for
using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a
$5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into
the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two
weeks later, the Chinese returns, repays the $5,000
and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to
have had your business, and this transaction has
worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out and found that
you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is why
you would bother to borrow $5, 000.The Chinese
replies:

"Where else in New York City can I park my car for
two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there
safely when I return

1 marlaysia...

2009-10-23T22:33:00.000-07:00

why dont we just make it 2 malaysia?

Marlaaay and non marlaay.

malaysia up there.

2009-10-13T00:24:00.001-07:00

An Indian, a Chinese and a Malay were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all of them died before they arrived.

Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the Chinese, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present, asked him what happened.

"Well," said the Chinese, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Indian and the Malay and I were standing at the gates of heaven.

An Angel approached us and said that we were too young to die, and that for a donation of RM500, we could return to earth.

So, of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the RM500 and the next thing I knew I was back here."

"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors. "But what happened to the other two?"

"Last I saw them" replied the Chinese, "the Indian was bargaining over the price, and the Malay was waiting for the government to pay for his."

Malaysia K-9 Unit

2009-10-07T21:53:00.001-07:00

Today i saw one pick up truck.

on the side in big big word it say Kastam Malaysia K-9 Unit.

Inside no dog. all malay -,-

Wtf?

Practice.

2009-08-03T23:54:00.000-07:00

As i sitting in cafe ah,
allthe marlaay around me play counter strike.
play as terror.
maybe they training?

Malaysian english

2009-08-01T00:19:00.000-07:00

Malaysia English vs Britian English ...

Who says our English is teruk. Just see below - Ours is simple,short,concise, straight-to-point, effective etc. The English did invent the English Language, but they cannot use it economically when communicating their intentions. Compare these phrases that Malaysians and Britons use to say the same thing: So, why make things so confusing and waste of money when you are and a long distance call.

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No Stock.

RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hallo, who page?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY.
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kew me

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians:No-need, lah.

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (pointing the door) can ar?

WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: Don't be shy, lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Malaysians: Doe-waaaan!

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're
coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad, ah?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please ! lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shaddap lah!

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Die-lah!!

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: Wat happen Why lidat????ADUI!!! (jumping to conclusion)

WHEN SOME ONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it here let mne show you.
Malaysians:Hoi!!!u pig ar lidat also doe no how to do!!!!

WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me
Malaysians:Celaka u/LANCAUUUUUUUU/cibai la/puki mak/pu nya ma!!!

Miss USA, Miss Malaysia and Miss Singapore

2009-07-31T00:15:00.000-07:00

It is the final round of the Miss Universe Pageant and the 3 finalists, Miss USA, Miss Malaysia and Miss Singapore are being asked 3 simple questions:

MC: The first question is name me an electrical appliance starting with "L"

Miss USA: Lamp

Miss Malaysia: Light bulb

Miss Singapore: LADIO

Judge: No, no, Radio does not start with the letter "L"

MC: I am going to give you 2 more chances; The next question is name me an animal starting with the letter "L"

Miss USA: Lion

Miss Malaysia: Leopard

Miss Singapore: LABBIT

Judge: No, no, no, Rabbit does not start with the letter "L"

MC: I am going to give you one last chance, if you answer this question incorrectly, you are disqualified.

Name me a fruit starting with the letter "L"

Miss USA: Lemon

Miss Malaysia: Lychee

Miss Singapore, with full of confidence, smiles and says: LIEWLIAN !!

This is not the end of the story, the Judge consulted the board of judges to determine if Miss Singapore should really disqualified; and they decided that since Miss Singapore was having as many problems with the letter "L", the decided to give her another chance.

Judge: OK, the final question is name me a human anatomy starting with the letter "L"

Miss USA: Lung (applause)

Miss Malaysia: Liver (even more applause)

Miss Singapore: LAN JIAO

Ah Hua interview

2009-07-30T00:11:00.000-07:00

Ah Hua went for a job interview to be a secretary.

When the manager saw Ah Hua's colorful attire and gold, white-highlighted hair, his mind is screaming, "NOT THIS WOMAN!!!". Nevertheless, he still had to interview Ah Hua. So he told Ah Hua,"If you can form a sentence using the words that I give u, then I will give u a chance! The words are ."

Ah Hua thought for a while and said,"I hear the phone GREEN, GREEN, GREEN, then I go and PINK up the phone, I say YELLOW.....BLUE's that? WHITE did you say? Aiyah, wrong numberlah.....Don't PURPLELY disturb people and don't call BLACK, ok? Kum Siah.

The manager fainted....

Malaysian Joke

2009-07-29T02:54:00.000-07:00

Have you seen the Made-in-Malaysia car "Kancil"?
You know, that very little 600 cc car ???
Well, Dr M really wanted to sell it to the US, so when Dr M
paid a visit to the White House after finishing formal discussions with
George Bush, Dr M checks with Bush to find out if there is a way to sell
the Kancil in the USA.

After having looked at the brochure, Bush said, "You know,I think
this 'Kernchill' is too small for us Americans."
Not one who gives up easily, Dr M persisted and finally Bush
offered, "Ok,take this number down. This guy is my good buddy and
he's also the CEO of the biggest compact car distributor in North
America."
Dr M was satisfied
with the meeting and returns to Malaysia.
The next day he called the number and a lady answered,"TOYS R US",
can I help you?"

********************************************************************

Mr. Samy-vellu went for the United Nations' meeting.
He represented the Malaysian Prime Minister.
All nations were discussing about space exploration by the year
2008.
Here are some of the conversations:
China Delegate : "By the year 2008, China will start their moon
exploration project."
Russian Delegate : "We too, we are going to explore the moon.
This time we will see to it that our cosmonauts will step on the
moon."
George Bush & Clinton : "We the United States will also explore
the moon for the second time."
Malaysian Delegate: "By the year 2008, Malaysia will explore the sun."

There was a long
silence. Bush stood up and asked the
Malaysian delegate: "Isn't it too hot to explore the sun?"
Samy Vellu (after a long silence): "We will do it in the evening."

*********************************************************************
There are three major races in Malaysia - Malay, Chinese and
Indian.

The Malays have the political power and so they set up the party
UMNO, which literally means "U Must Not Object".

The Chinese, on the other hand, controls most of the Economy and
They called their party MCA which means "Money Conquers All".

Then there are the Indians who have no say in politics or
economics.?They set up their party called MIC. Hence, every Parliamentary
meeting the Indians would ask: "Must I Come?"

2009-07-28T00:04:00.000-07:00

Story 1
Ah Lian ask shopkeeper: Eh Ah chek, u got sell stocking up to knee,boh?

Ah Chek: Lu siao ah! Stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist) only, where got up
to the 'nee'(breast) one.
------
Story 2
Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to show it
to her. So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car to his
girlfriend. "This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!"

Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian.

"Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!"

Ah Lian said, "Let me try! I wan, I wan!"

So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored the
accelerator. The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the
lamp-post.

"Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see la! Wah Piang eh!"screamed Ah
Beng.

"Solee, solee, pai sah la! No lah, I tot hor, "R" for racing mah!"*
-----
Story 3
The Titanic was sinking, and there weren't enough lifeboats. So the captain
had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy waters to make room
for women and children.

To the British he said. "You must act like gentlemen." They jumped.

To the Americans he said, "You can be heroes." They complied.

To the Germans he said, "It's the rule." They obeyed.

To the Japanese he said," It's the consensus." They obliged.

Then came the Singaporean and they just weren't budging until he came up
with the appeal: "Free life jackets for those who jumped."
-----
Story 4
3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian are at the army supply base to collect
underwear. The sergeant was there to aid the supplies.

Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwear you need ah?

Ah Beng : (thinks a while) 7 sasen(sergeant)!

Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many?

Ah Beng : Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one.

Sergeant: (Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwear?

Mat : (without hesitation) 6 sargen!

Sergeant: (curious) How come six?

Mat : Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong.

Sergeant: (Indian recruit) Dei Tambi. How many underwears dah dei?

Tambi : (very confidently) 12 Sarjen!

Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why you need so many for?

Tambi : January, February, March.....One month one.
-----
Story 5
Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted the
DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti" (In Hokkien means Ah Cheng buys
bread). The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them
tore-select another song. The Ah Bengs were very angry and kicked up a bigfuss, claiming the DJ was insulting them. The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down.
Finally, after long talk with Ah Bengs, manager found out that Ah Bengs
actually asking for the song "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers.
-----
Story 6
One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey and want to get
down to the ground floor.

As they looked at the dial, they could see the number 20 down to number 2.
It was then followed by a G.

As they not English-educated, they were puzzled and had no idea what the
the letter G meant.

Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit the "G" button.

When they finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was so
impressed and asked the first Ah Lian, "Wah low!, how you know one?"

The first Ah Lian replied smugly, "Easy la, G for Gero mah."
-----
Story 7
One day, there was an American, one Italian, a Malaysian and Bangladeshi
travelling on a private helicopter.

After about one hour traveling, the American took out his Cigarette
(Dunhill) lighted it up and start smoking after two sip, he threw the
balance of the cigarette.

The other three persons were surprised and asked, "Why didn't you finish-up
the cigarette before throwing?"

He replied arrogantly "there is a lot of cigarette in my country".

Half an hour later the Italian took a bottle of branded perfume and applied
it and the rest he throw out of the window.

The other three persons were again taken by surprise and asked, "Why did
you throw away the perfume?"

The Italian replied, "there is a lot of perfume in my country".

The Malaysian did't know what to do & suddenly push that Bangladeshi out
of the helicopter. The other two persons shouted crazily, "Why did you push
him?"

The Malaysian said slowly, "There is a lot of Bangladeshi in my
country!".
-----

first time sit plane ah?

2009-07-26T02:11:00.001-07:00

Ah beng

2009-07-21T01:09:00.000-07:00

1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me. I ran until I fell 6 and threw up. So I go into 7-eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 God he run away.

10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6. He said 5, tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down. I don't understand. I am so nice 2 him but I don't know what he 1.

Wang.

2009-07-17T21:40:00.000-07:00

Some time ago, a very bored person discovered that if wand was replaced with wang in harry potter, interesting results were produced.

----------------
"Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
"Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything
--------------
A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.
--------------
Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls
--------------
The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.
--------------
Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?

Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang. Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.
--------------
'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.
--------------

Things to keep in mind while in MALAYsia.

2009-07-11T00:00:00.001-07:00

If you ask Malay do for you - take long time.
If you ask Chinese do for you - cost more money.
If you ask Indian do for you - sure break wan.

If you eat Chinese food sure got pig blood inside wan...
If you eat Malay food sure is left over.
If you eat Indian food sure stomach ache.

If you looking for wife:
Chinese - noisy.
Malay - must potong.
Indian - curry damn nice I tell you!

If you buy Chinese car - accident sure die wan.
If you buy Indian car - sure slow wan.
If you buy Malay car - no engine wan.

If you enter Chinese temple: no problem!
If you enter Indian temple: no problem!
If you enter mosque: Racial issue.

Big fight
Chinese weapon: what weapon? KUNG FU!
Indian weapon: parang.
Malay weapon: kris? =.=

Chinese New Year: red packet. (Represent luck, blood and danger.)
Indian New Year: purple packet. (Represent nothing. Purple was cheapest colour to print.)
Malay New Year: green packet. (Represent pandan leaf.)

Malay - cannot eat pig
Indian - cannot eat beef.
Chinese - cannot e.....

Chinese - eat come first.
Indian - Alcohol come first.
Malay - government sponsor come first.

Things you will never see

2009-06-09T04:08:00.000-07:00

Marlay play dota and win.
Marlay play dota use meepo.
Marlay rob bank n succeed.
Marlay use real bike race.
Marlay eat Bak Kut teh.
Marlay own anything without help from Government.
Marlay wear Songkook in Passport foto.
Marlay shop in LV.
Marlay come early for exam on Friday.
Marlay with skin not cut. *points to groin region*

Harlal Pork

2009-05-18T05:41:00.000-07:00

The Malaysian government has announced that effective of today, a harlaarl version of barbee will be havailable.

The ministry officially announced today that rumours that have been circulating the community are in fact true.

Malaysian scientists recently discovered a gene that could in fact make barbee safe for consumption. The technique was discovered accidentally when the scientists were in fact looking for a cure to the rising problem of mat-rempit-syndrome which is rapidly spreading throughout the country as thousands of "people of the earth" decide to race through the streets with "modified" 5cc Motorbikes, around the city in attempts to look cool.

The kelantan government has reportedly built a special track that provides for these 5cc bikes to race and show off. A study was conducted and it was discovered that shockingly, mat rempit only race after 9pm. The tracks are only open from 9AM to 5PM. Ahbeng, a member of the C Mat rempit commented on this saying that the track was made by kayu people and that he prefers racing at home.

Special shops will be set up by the ministry and these meat will be available for prices ranging from RM50 to RM100 per KG.

The story of 1 against 25,274,132

2009-05-15T22:45:00.000-07:00

News source has confirmed that a secret organization that hates all races other than the "native people" have waged a war against all aliens in Malaysia. The M(KKK), a Malaysian version of the KKK have claimed that they were responsible for the injection of the H1N1 virus into Malaysian soil.

A man who bordered a Malayan Airlines flight from NY to KL was the carrier for the deadly virus that is now spreading across Malaysia. The carrier made sure that the infection would spread by coughing into the air conditioning system on the plane. He also blew his nose into a piece of tissue paper and left it on his table so that the H1N1 would be able to spread.

Officials in KLIA failed to detect the presence of the H1N1 virus despite having millions of ringgitz in fund. The source of the error was due to the fact that the employees had gone to drink a few Heineken's in one of the stairwells.

Malaysian authorities refused comment.

UPDATE!

We have just received news that the flu has spread to The Island of Penang. Authorities are saying that in order to protect all other civilians on mainland, the island has been quarantined. No one is allowed in or out, without bio hazard suits. The authorities have stated that if necessary, Malaysia will use nuclear weapons to vaporize the island in an attempt to clear aliens and the H1N1 virus.

"It is like killing 2 stones with one bird" was the exact word the chief of the H1N1 squad used to describe the shocking situation.

The chief is a known member of the MKKK.

God save us all.

How i tortured a Live Assistance person.

2009-05-11T07:27:00.000-07:00

I went here and discovered a LIVE ASSISTANCE BUTTON ON THE SIDE.

I decided to torture this poor soul. "Her" name is "Margaret" and the products that they sell are robots. the scooba and the dirt dog are 2 products thet they sell.
I am obviously "samual young"
p.s i know its long, but i pissed her off in the end. LOL! MUST READ MUST READ!!!!

ENJOY.
______________________________________________________________

Margaret: Hi, my name is Margaret. How may I help you?
Samual Young: hello
Margaret: Hi.
Samual Young: margret is a stupid name.
Samual Young: are u a fat guy in disguise?
Samual Young: anyways
Samual Young: i would like to know more about the irobot scooba
Margaret: What would you like to know about it?
Samual Young: i would like to know how much the entire set would cost.
Samual Young: ...including the dock and all that fatty.
Margaret: Scoobas start at $299.99. These are the current prices on our online store*:
iRobot Scooba® 330 model: $299.99 (+ applicable taxes and shipping)
iRobot Scooba® 350 model: $399.99 (+ applicable taxes and shipping)
iRobot Scooba® 380 model: $499.99 (+ applicable taxes and shipping) **ON SALE NOW- only $449.99!

* Prices are subject to change. Please visit our website for current pricing and specials.
Samual Young: that is just for the robot right?
Samual Young: how bout extra brushes
Samual Young: and how long do the brushes last?
Margaret: The brush in the Scooba will last for about one year, although this can be shortened, depending on use.
Samual Young: wow a year....
Samual Young: does it use water?
Margaret: Yes.
Samual Young: then i have to fill it up?
Margaret: Yes, before running the Scooba you would fill it up with water.
Samual Young: and how long will the water last?
Samual Young: a year?
Margaret: One cleaning cycle, or 45 minutes.
Samual Young: so let me get this straight. i have to refill the "robot" manually every 45 minutes?
Margaret: Yes. The dirty tank would need to be emptied and then the clean tank filled.
Samual Young: why cant it do that automatically?
Margaret: At this time it is not a design feature of the Scooba.
Samual Young: Oh i see.
Samual Young: i think if i use a mop, it takes about 45 minutes before i have to refill the pail.
Samual Young: so why should i switch to the "robot"?
Margaret: Becuase with the robot, you would not be doing the mopping.
Samual Young: But if i use a mop, i dont do the mopping anyways. My maid does.
Margaret: It is possible then, that the Scooba might not be the best robot for you then.
Samual Young: and do you have any other robots that might be the best robot for me?
Samual Young: i live in a house that has 15 bedrooms
Samual Young: so it would be nice if there was a robot that does not need to be filled every 45 minutes
Margaret: I do apologize for the inconvenience. At this point we do not have any robots that would be able to do all 15 plus rooms at one time.
Samual Young: how many of those scoobas would i need?
Samual Young: 1 per room?
Margaret: The Scooba 380 can do up to 4 rooms on a single battery charge.
Samual Young: but 15 is not divisible by four... :(
Samual Young: and these rooms are prob. as big as your house.
Samual Young: do you have a house by the way?
Margaret: The Scooba 380 can clean 850 sq feet on a single battery charge.
Samual Young: that is the size of 2 rooms sadly.
Samual Young: have you heard of my house?
Samual Young: its very famous
Margaret: Do you have any other questions about the Scooba that I can assist you with?
Samual Young: you are very rude. I am asian and it is customary to ask such type of questions to individuals that we meet
Samual Young: i would like to know your refrence number so that i can submit a complaint to your manager
Samual Young: i am sure he would understand my disappointment.
Margaret: I do apologize. I do not have a reference number. I am the only Margaret here.
Samual Young: If there are so few people assisting us customers
Samual Young: how can we trust your company?
Margaret: May I answer any other questions you have about the Scooba?
Samual Young: i have some questions on the dirt dog
Samual Young: will you answer them?
Margaret: I can assist with questions about the Dirt Dog.
Samual Young: or are you specifically assigned to the scooba only?
Samual Young: okay
Samual Young: i would like to know
Samual Young: will you answer my question?
Margaret: If it is about the Dirt Dog or another iRobot robot I will answer your question.
Samual Young: i just typed a question but you didnt answer me.
Samual Young: the question was regarding the dirt dog
Margaret: I do apologize. It does appear that the question did not come through properly. I am unable to see the question you are referring to.
Samual Young: could i suggest that your company upgrades its internet line as well as its old ass computers.
Samual Young: this is very fustrating for us customers.
Samual Young: my question was
Samual Young: if i were to leave it alone in my garage and if it were to pick up materials such as small parts of a machine that im building, would it damage those parts?
Margaret: It probably would not damage those parts.
Samual Young: but those parts are made up of very delicate sillicon material that would decompose on exposure to temperatures above 30 degrees.
Samual Young: is it that hot inside the "robot"
Samual Young: ?
Margaret: No, it is not very hot.
Margaret: It would not be good though, to run the Dirt Dog in below freezing tempurtures.
Samual Young: who in the world has a freezing garage? are u stupid?
Samual Young: i would like to know exacly how hot it is inside the "robot"
Margaret: I do apologize. We do not have that information avalible.
Samual Young: oh i see.
Samual Young: a rough estimate perhaps?
Margaret: The Dirt Dog is going to be very close to the temperature of the room you are running it in.
Samual Young: so if my garage was as lets say an aprox of 15 degrees, the temperature inside the DD would be exacly 15 degrees?
Margaret: No. It would be around that temperature though.
Samual Young: okay.
Samual Young: that is good.
Samual Young: how do i dispose of the waste collected?
Margaret: The way that you dispose of the rest of the trash in your house.
Samual Young: that was not what i meant. i meant how would i dispose of the dirt it collected? is there a throw away bag inside, or is it like a vaccum cleaner?
Margaret: It is like a bagless vacuum cleaner. There is a Dust Bin on the back of the Dirt Dog that pulls off. Then, the debris in the Dust Bin can be emptied into a trash can.
Samual Young: if the dirt contained liquid?
Margaret: The Dirt Dog is not designed to pick up liquids of any kind. It would void the warranty on the Dirt Dog. It would also, most likely, do internal damage to the Dirt Dog.
Samual Young: how about mud?
Margaret: Mud would be considered a liquid.
Samual Young: semi-liquid mixture actually. so then the dirt dog can only pick up dry materials? what happens if there is liquid on my floor? am i supposed to check my entire floor for liquid before i can run the dirt dog? -____-
Margaret: Yes. We would recommend checking the floor for any liquid first.
Samual Young: what a useful "robot"
Margaret: Is there any other questions you have today about the robot?
Samual Young: can the roomba pick up ud?
Samual Young: mud*
Margaret: No. It would do the same thing to the Roomba as the Dirt Dog.
Samual Young: http://store.irobot.com/shop/index.jsp?categoryId=2804605
Samual Young: the image
Samual Young: shows
Samual Young: mud
Samual Young: on the floor
Margaret: It actually looks like dry dirt to me.
Samual Young: it came from a pot which contained a plant. the "dirt" would have contained some amount of water and so it is considered as mud. so the "robot" can actually pick up mud.
Margaret: In the picture it clearly looks dry, not wet or liquefied. If it were, the person would need to dry the floor first before running the Roomba, per the warranty.
Samual Young: so the "dirt" on the floor has to be 100% DRY?
Margaret: yes, it does.
Samual Young: Okay
Samual Young: thank you
Samual Young: you have been very helpful
Samual Young: i would like to place an order for 15 roombas
Samual Young: is there anyway i could mention your name there or something so that they know that it was you who helped me?
Margaret: Thank you for chatting with us. Here is a link for convenient shopping:
http://clickserve.cc-dt.com/link/click?lid=41000000010125513&mid=C3388
Samual Young: wow. are you always strictly professional?
Samual Young: do you ever go out of your way to make a customer happy?
Margaret: If you use that link, it will let them know that I was the one assisting you.
Samual Young: thank you for NOT telling me that before.
Samual Young: I have a sort of personal question for you. would you answer it?
Margaret: No, I am not required to answer personal questions, so I would not.
Samual Young: I just wanted to know if you personally use a cleaning robot at home
Samual Young: thats all.
Samual Young: would you be able to answer that?
Margaret: Yes, I do use a robot at home.
Samual Young: so you did answer a personal question :D
Samual Young: does it work well?
Samual Young: any problems with it?
Margaret: I do not have any issues with it. It works very well for me.
Samual Young: did you get it free? or did you pay for it?
Margaret: I would consider that question too personal to answer.
Samual Young: do you have a problem with asian people?
Margaret: No, I do not. I do not answer that question for any customer.
Samual Young: If your husband was your customer, would you have answered the question?
Margaret: That is a personal question as well.
Samual Young: do you have a house? (is this too personal as well?)
Margaret: Do you have any more questions about robots? If not I will terminate this chat.
Samual Young: do you use a robot to pleasure yourself?
---------Margaret has disconnected.

AhBeng

2009-04-30T23:07:00.000-07:00

Name: Ahbeng
Gender: Male
Age: 19
Address: 1234 Banana road, Banana island, Banana Republic.

Likes: Banana.

Dislikes: Oranges.

Music: Hard-banana rock.

Email: banana-ahbengistherulerofthebananaworldandyouareallunderhispowers@banana.com

SOLI!

2009-04-15T05:57:00.001-07:00

Long long time since i post on this blog.

I for got to update and i just realised that maaaaany of u people dont know that my seefu has left the building!!!!!!!! [WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO]

She was busy Pcc-ing in the staff room when one of the kungfu masters walked into the room with his earphones and his helmet.

He vomited on the floor and died on the spot.

Now, Anew one has arrived to take her place. This seefu likes to dress in pure white, and seems too organized. Lets see what happens to him lo.

FIRE AT GOMDAR!

2009-03-27T02:56:00.000-07:00

Today as i was passinng Gomdar i saw many many many red colour truck.
I stop and kaypoh.
Seems my seefu use gas tank and boom the Gomdar.

Sadly it wasnt a suicide bombingz :(

Bladdy Disgusting.

2009-03-24T04:18:00.000-07:00

Today i was eating in the kungfu canteen when i spotted this retard that look like baris.

WTF IS HAPPENING? More and More people are wishing that they have the sheepai. =.=

This is bladdy nonsense. I look there and i tell u, i almost vomitx in my plate.

i went up to it and slapped it so hard that its fake wig and all its other fake items flew off.

i hope it leaves and is replaced with a real human... preferably female.

Good News Bad News!!!!!

2009-03-16T03:30:00.000-07:00

Bad news: my seefu has been kicked off the island. I wanted her to stay there, but it seems she managed to get some ice to sink and thus the bomoh's there kicked her off the pulau.

Good news: seefu is leaving! She has decided to go elsewhere and teach countless others how to play 'fake' kung fu.

seems like seefu failed.

Update.

2009-03-12T06:06:00.000-07:00

The residents on the island decided to get together and form a small government for the island. Since the island is in Malaysian waters, a native land person was elected to be the brime minisder for the island. Almost immediately, a fellow native land man was thrown off the island due to the "mee" case. Then the official language was selected to be English due to a vote.

Immediately there was an uprising against the BM. The government responded by throwing coconuts at the protesters, who were all native land people.

Pulau Jerejak Boleh!!!!!!!!!

Lost: Update.

2009-03-08T09:09:00.000-07:00

so far, one contestant has passed away. the contestant who will not be named met his death when he decided to tried to pcc using a crab.

Lost: pulau jerejak

2009-03-06T02:45:00.000-08:00

This is the Malaysian version of Lost.

Today a plane crashed into pulau jerejak causing all 100 passengers to be given MIA status.

Out of the 100 passengers, there are 2 confirmed survivors, one of which is my seefu and another unknown male subject. The other 12 are not confirmed because they are naked, and thus not harlarl.

The Malaysian government has decided that since the economy is not good, they will start a TV series called "LOST: Pulau Jerejak" and have declared the island off limits to all homosaepians, unless they are willing to join the cast on that island. The winner will receive a proton chancellor and one bottle of non alcoholic wine. [also known as sparkling juice.]

People native to the land, will receive one bodyguard each and a carton of harlarl products to be used on the island. they will also be given an option to build a house at 20% its actual price.

My seefu was the first to capture a part of the island where soybeans were rumoured to grow. This was the first attempt to make tofu.

Updates next time.

my seefu in trouble.

2009-03-05T02:24:00.000-08:00

She was caught pcc-ing in the staff room, now shez getting fired.

OMG FRIEND TAKE DRUGS.

2009-03-02T05:55:00.000-08:00

HIS NAME IS SHOOOOONY.
HE TAKES STEROIDS TO COMPETE IN KUNGFU, BUT HE DOESN'T KNOW THAT STEROIDS MAKE testicles GROW smaller.

My old seefu is a b-tard.

2009-02-25T05:33:00.000-08:00

So my old seefu called one of my kungfumates and ask him if we need tuition.

My mate say okay lo. Then that b-tard say okay can, cost 80 dollah per hour, never mind how many studen come, also 80 dollah per hour.

Then my seefu later found out that 30 student coming for his class, he get greediez. Now he say 300 Dollah per student for 2 month... =.=

I say Shuff bananah up his nose and feed him to baris. He help me get a UNGRADED in My kungfu practicals and so i not bothered to go for his 'tuition class'

Sumore he wont teach us anything useful, only tell us story about his good friend annawaar.

Then now since he hate me, and if i go for his tuition, skool kannot do anything to him, he might hit me in that special place which cause me to vomitx..... I aim for his face if he does that =.=

So i say PLUCK YEW SEEPHU!

My friend partay.

2009-02-20T08:14:00.000-08:00

Today we all go for friend party.

My friend turn 18, but the hotel think he is turning 65.

They play song that even my grandmother don't know. Then went they see us, they upgrade to songs from the tukang kayus. which isn't so old because i also know some part part of lyric.

Then suddenly see 2 girl walk past by. One is like a human rhino. other one is like guy. i look also shock. They were wearing like asif they work in pinang road at night.

Then my friend mader was there. you can see her face begin to sag like damn pissed like that.

Then the so called girl[s] start to sing old song in beginning. they ask where is the birthday girl when its is actually birthday boy. -.- my friend become colour of tomato.

Then suddenly sing song call 'kiss me' and dedicate to my friend. wah he tension.... =.=

Then they try to sing song from PCD. OMFG. sound like earthquake. LOL

Then they start to do leg split on stage. I turn around and look at wooden post also more syok.

Then suddenly my everyone force bday boy onto the stage. He sing like so nervous like that. voice shake shake, then sing loh. then other friend start to sing loh.

After that experience, when the rhino come back to sing ah, sound like as if she improve woh. sound like she can really sing woh!

Just like when my new seefu come, i really know how geng my old seefu was. Both also shit, but old one is better than new one, so new make old look damn good, and some nonsense like that.

i shall end with epic picture.

good reason NOT to have a NINTENDO WII

2009-02-19T02:02:00.000-08:00

INTI SUCKS.

2009-02-18T07:08:00.001-08:00

A Poem of INTI
>>>
>>>At first I love INTI
>>>But INTI loves my money
>>>I ask money from daddy
>>>But daddy asks mummy
>>>Mummy goes to INTI
>>>And find out why INTI's so greedy
>>>The lift always mati
>>>And the guards look like monkey
>>>That's why I started to hate INTI
>>>
>>>INTI don't love me
>>>What for I love INTI
>>>All they need is money
>>>Nothing but money, money and money
>>>
>>>The lecturers teach like bugs bunny
>>>No wonder they're so lousy
>>>And their faces look so funny
>>>Like Talos the mummy
>>>
>>>Futhermore, more more money flows to INTI
>>>But they never plant more trees
>>>All because they want to save money
>>>Make all students feel hot to mati
>>>
>>>First I entered INTI I got no kaki
>>>Later I found someone likes to play tai tee
>>>Then I started don't want to study
>>>Here we can find a lot of kaki judi
>>>That's why we must blame INTI
>>>
>>>Since I entered INTI I cant see any leng lui lili sexy
>>>
>>>Even the lecturers are more pretty
>>>I always want to date them for tea
>>>But I always kejar they always lari
>>>
>>>Dr. Lim from SOLLA always lan si
>>>People said his pucuk already mati
>>>Even Viagra also tak boleh jadi
>>>That's why loh people say he is "cc"
>>>
>>>He likes to tell jokes to everybody
>>>But his joke never funny
>>>Sometimes people thinks that his crazy
>>>Dr. Lim so pity
>>>
>>>INTI's toilets really smelly
>>>No water no api
>>>Even you haven't pee
>>>You want to lari
>>>Always complain they also say soli soli
>>>
>>>Tan yew sing always said his INTI got quality
>>>Instead everyone knows they are lousy
>>>INTI motive just to earn more money
>>>So that they can pay lecturers salary
>>>And INTI share in KLSE can naik lagi
>>>Waterfish like us always press by INTI
>>>Just to tipu more more money
>>>
>>>That is all the story about INTI
>>>Which loves money
>>>But after all I still come to INTI
>>>To contribute money
>>>
>>>
>>>(u r not in INTI?
>>> u r very lucky
>>> coz INTI cant bluff ur money
>>> just cabut n jangan kembali~!!)
>>>
>>>Student of INTI
>>>noway to lari
>>>already jadi SuiYee (waterfish)
>>>plz tell everybody
>>>jangan kena tipu lagi

Oh my gawd.

2009-02-18T06:57:00.000-08:00

remember that day ahbeng buy big big teddybear?
Today i saw that VERY SAME teddy in Baris's hands. :O
WTFFFFFF... maybe i should introduce him to annwarr.

JOY TO THE WORLD, BARIS IS DEAD.
WE SHOULD SHIT ON HIS HEAD.
WE TOOK HIS HEAD FROM HIS BODY
AND SHUFFED IT DOWN THE POTTY
AND WATCHED IT GO ROUND
ROUND AND ROUND AND ROUND
ROUND AND ROUND AND ROUND
UNTILL IT ALL WENT DOWN.

My seefu is a pro.

2009-02-17T07:12:00.000-08:00

She say old seefu is noob.

i feel like call my old seefu wack her with tofutheory.

the best prank call ever.

2009-02-16T06:51:00.000-08:00

Baris, Ahbeng and seefu.

2009-02-14T03:56:00.000-08:00

Since 14 feb is varlandine's day, my kungfuschool had a mini-fair. Now it was very exciting: got music, food, soft toy, etc etc etc

I not bothered go and buy anything. But on the way i saw delicious cupcake. i buy some cupcake for myself. Then when leavng time i suddenly see ahbeng doing somehing there. I quickly hide make sure that he no see me. Then i see him go and buy one teddy bear and hide in his big big bag.

Then after our class, we decide to come down and guess what we see!!!!!!

people bring pool table and charge 2 dollah per game. so all of us go play loh.

Suddenly this prawndan come. walk around laugh laugh and i notice lah. Straight i turn y back look in other direction because i scare if i look too long later my eye bleed... =.=

Then something caught my eye, i turn around look again and this is what i saw in he... HIS hand:

I almost scream like banana. Not because i want the bag, but because of price of bag. Just before i can scream, my friend tell me: dis one phake lah. if real, he would have afford to go operation his face.

Then the b-tard turn around and look at me.

I swear i almost carry pool table and throw at his face. after that i run straight go far far away from him.

I slap her so hard.

2009-02-13T07:43:00.000-08:00

I slapped my new seefu so hard, now she looks like my old seefu.
I slapped my new seefu so hard, now she has a set of detachable noses like Michael Jackson.
I slapped my new seefu so hard, she became black.
I slapped my new seefu so hard, she shat brix.
I slapped my new seefu so hard, her mader started to cry.
I slapped my new seefu so hard, she flew back home.
I slapped my new seefu so hard, she gained weight.
I slapped my new seefu so hard, her hair fell off.
I slapped my new seefu so hard, my old seefu in Thailand started to scream in pain.
I slapped my new seefu so hard, the kungfuschool collapsed.
I slapped my new seefu so hard, she now looks like baris. [i will explain next post]
I slapped my new seefu so hard, ahbeng began to eat pig.

The cat spa.

2009-02-10T05:28:00.000-08:00

Today i bring my friends go to cat spa.

Its this new thing come from JAPAN. experts say that this spa is very good for people whit dead bodies on their feet.

In this spa, they make hole in floor and throw like 300 catz inside. These aren't any normal cats, they are special cats that are trained to eat the dead bodies on your feet.

So what happen is that you put your feet inside and they clean clean and when you take out: your feet feel very good!!!!!

They charge 22USD for 30 minutes of this special spa. i can buy the cats for 22 USD... =.=

So this is what happen, me n my friends went. we put our leg inside, when come out:

no more feet already. =.=

Dont pray pray width me arh.

2009-02-06T07:05:00.000-08:00

Back in the olden days, when Dr.Poof was a liddle ghirl, there was this bully she used to know in school... Now my seefu went to a Chinese school, where everyone obviously spoke Chinese. [okay fine. mandarin... there is no such language as Chinese. nor is there a language called Hindu shorty.]

Hanyways, this bully knew one sentence. Dont Pray Pray ah. [dont play play. ah....] this sentence was then discovered by gurmit singh who used it in PCK, but that is off topic.

Everytime my seefu kena bully, before the bully steal her monaaay or candaaay, bully say that sentence. and that became the first words she learnt in eenglish. "dont pray pray"

Everyday when she go home she start to sing "dont pray pray" on the way while walking, Until it became permanent stuck in her head.

Then after she finish secondary school, she vow to become kungfumaster so that she could find her high school bully and defeat that poor fellow.

she master the skills and hobtain the peehetchdee in KungfuLYING and fooled the world.

fake is fake.

2009-02-06T04:16:00.000-08:00

Seefu's best student.

2009-02-05T03:44:00.000-08:00

I got slapped.

2009-02-03T03:35:00.000-08:00

me : hey, my bag is broken, it wont carry my books anymore, what should i do?

her : carry it with your hands then.

-holds her hand-

me : i cant do that, my hands are meant to hold your hands, not carry books

i got slapped

------------------------------

me : do you know why a man's hand must be rough, not smooth?

her : hmm, i dont know. why?

-hold her hands-

me : it is so that the man can hold his girl's hand. it will not slip.

-tries to shake loose but failed-

me : this only shows that it is hard to seperate us.

-i got slapped-

after seefu left this is what is happening

2009-02-02T07:05:00.000-08:00

My seefu left and now so many things happening.

so many People going to hell/heaven/longkang
Goalkeeper kena wack by own team mate
Hair falling
belly growing
money flying
economy making factory close
people fail kungfupracticals.

Today one uncle try do something very... i do not knoe what to day.

He wan try make bus go swimming in river... in Malaysia river = giant longkang.

He make bus full with small shildren then fly straight into riber. Lucky he stupid and the 5 year old is smarter. He wack steering wheel, die straight. The children grab hold onto all the rubbish they see and straight float to GH.

My seefu call the government scold them and then say that he actually help the student float to gh by using his powers from Thailand. He say that the government is kayu and that he wants to be next PM.

My friend is a hero.

2009-01-31T08:25:00.001-08:00

Okay lah, i lied.

He was using laptop and he saw something, straight kena eyebleed. =.=

that was a lie too.

This is what happen.

My friend play phootball. noe while playing phootball, the guy always take goalkee-pee-r position. Now this is what happen.

The striker kick the ball and my friend as usual because he like kiss the floor so much, do a dive. Then his defender like him so much that the defender take opportunity of him on the floor and jump on him. [defender is what we call softy...phargot]

Then the defender's thing poke the goalkeeper's eye.

Wah i tell you, the goalkeeper got up and see everything red. Then he ask his team mate why ball turn red colour. The friend is very smart. he say that maybe goalkeeper watch too many prawn at home so the big boss *points to sky* give him colour blindness.

Straight go hospital, now he cannot PCC de. no 'privacy'

Dr.poof

2009-01-24T07:51:00.000-08:00

Today i shall reveal that my new seefu's name is Dr.Poof.
She is very hintelligent...

One of my kungfumate attack her, but she survive!

TRUE peehetchdee u know.

Just to show u how pro my kungfumate is, here is a video of him in one com-pa-tition.

Poor uncle.

next time i tell you one story about my seefu k? =D

Hotels

2009-01-17T08:33:00.000-08:00

today i pass by one hotels in penang. I saw one man sell insurance for car and school. They were also showing film there. It is there that i met ahbeng.

He was driving a Shentoo showing off like as if he drive mazda RX7. he drive drive then whack into bole.
whole car flip and fall into longkang. they try bring him out, but cannot.

now he is with my old seefu.

OmgSoSadMyKungFuMateOldAlready

2009-01-16T08:03:00.002-08:00

*THIS IS STRICTLY FOR FUN. NO EMO-ing PLEASE.*

Remember that the Harlal boy broke the table?

Well, fortunately he wasn't sitting behind me. unfortunately, he was sitting behind the dude who always sits to my left. That poor b-tard kena wack so hard by the shockwave produced by the table-chop, whole day today class so quiet.

Then i overhear that he and his 'special friend' [who look like a duckasaur] plan to do something 'do'night.

then i ask what they talking about, he just look at me and show constipated face.

Then somebody yell from back: "tmmrow is his bday lah!!!!"

so whole row agree to go to his house at 12 am make noise and give him bday cake with present.

Everyone climb over wall of his compound and almost get bitten by his 2 dog. we give them harlal food, they shuddup de.

We open door and climb up stairs, open room door and jump inside room.

Unfortunately he was playing bu long sai with duck and barney on bed. We kena shot by a300 and now, eyes damn pain.

so much for surprise! -,-

Kungfu continues.

2009-01-14T06:45:00.000-08:00

Since my seefu left *may that old fart be in peace.*, the kungfuschool was quick to replace his ass with another Kungfu seefu that is even greater than my previous seefu. *may that old fart be in peace.*

And to top everything, the new seefu is a lady! imagine a lady teaching us Kungfu. Not that im a sexist, but just imagine it... vely phunny woh. but actually thinking about it, w.o.m.a.n don't have that part woh... so no weakness... hmmmm.........

Now my new seefu has the 2nd most highest qualification that you can have in kungfu. Its called the PEEHETCHDEE. i didn't believe it, and after i kacau kacau her, she like my old seefu *may that old fart be in peace.*, told us the very long story about how she has submitted a video of her martial arts and she is waiting for a reply from the kungfu university.

Actually i think she wont get it because of some very obvious reasons.

she is not bald. all kungfu masters that i know are bald. except that faker jackyshann.
she has not had army experience.
she has not done junior college, thus no experience in handling us.
she pronounces very as vely, and pendulum as peen-doodoo-loom and watch as wash etc etc
she spent 15 minutes telling that the crane stance was to be performed while standing on the head. we argued and finally the students won the master by showing her page 35936 of the kungfu manual.
she tells us that she might not have enough time to teach us the rat-disarming move, but has enough time to pick her nose in front of us.
she eats babi.

Today she masuk the classroom [yes, our class has been moved indoors because the kungfu school caught several hundred kungfu masters standing at the fence laughing their buts off at my new seefu.] and u wont believe what she did. She started giving us papers... i was like wtf, then she explain: i wan test you see if can paper the cut with hand.

WTF?

Please repeat question sheebai.

I wan see if u can uno... uno... chop paper with hand *points to palm*

O ceh.

At that point the one who cannot eat babi broke the table in half and walked out in disgust.

My seefu is gone... forever....

2009-01-05T06:42:00.000-08:00

This morning I learnt that my seefu has left us all... forever.
He was a good seefu. He trained us so hard.

We could bear the smell of rotten eggs after his classes.
We learnt MALAYSIA BOLEH.
We learnt that the lonkgang didn't stink as bad as we thought.
We learnt that old people like to massage.
We learnt that there was a dim sum shop opposite our school.
We learnt the crane stance that prevented our 'glorious' seefu from falling down oh-so many times.
We learnt that the polite way to go to the washroom: Stand up and yell at the top of your voice: "UNCLE. I WAN GO PANG JIU"
We learnt that the secret to being a good sniper is to drink homemade coca cola.
We learnt how to make nuclear bombs.
We learnt how to build dams the right way.
We learnt that annwaar is a good man...
...Then we were told that he is kayu.
We learnt how to tie knots properly.
We learnt not to sit in the front rows of the class.
We learnt how to laugh at jokes that weren't even close to funny.
We learnt how to challenge gangsters.
We learnt that the Japanese created the dum-dum bullet.
We learnt how he rolled in cow shit for 2 days until the smell soaked his skin.
We learnt that Cambridge is cheating the world.
We learnt that wiping a teachers ass is very important.
We learnt that if you can do something, he can do it better.
We learnt how lousy the standard of a commando is now. They drowned in a swimming pool.
We learnt that the best commandos can go for 10 days without sleeping. My seefu can do 11.
We learnt that KSA is very smart.
We learnt that Garvan is not so smart. yesterday he invented the 'guided bullet system'. today he is working with the US Army on a top secret device to kill his former seefu.
We learnt that when you punch, you twist your wrist.
We learnt NEVER to cycle into a bus. [read here]
We learnt that it is not a good idea to become the principal of a school. If forced, become the principal of a boys school only.
We learnt that while the world is in a huge economic crisis, the nation is focusing on small hole.
Most importantly we learnt the Tofu Theory that explains why u go splat when you jump off a building.

OMG i almost pengsan in kungfu school...

2008-12-15T06:40:00.000-08:00

I would like to say that i almost pengsan in a very dangerous fight with a very big fighter, but that would be a huge lie....

What happen was that i was walking on the 2nd floor of my school where i saw this OWHMYGAWD so hot ah-ma walking infront of me.

I see i follow loh... i folo folo folo till she masuk one room which has glass so that we can see inside, then she turn....

OMFG i almost kill myself there... she look like Ahbeng... i see also feel like vomid....

then straight i pengsan. Canot tahan bah, so fugly until pengsan...

now i traumatized.

2008-12-09T02:18:00.000-08:00

I found this on internet. WAKAKKAKAKAKAKAKAKA

well said.... no, i guess u shouldnt be studying A lvls for god's sake.. change !! get some writing course!!!

and one more thing, i guess nathan's correct, by pissing him off like that* might get us into deep trouble for the next 16 months... except if he couldnt stand the next 16months and decided to drop teaching our class... [MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA!!! i was thinking of making that my birthday wish, but heck, wasting that on a far-from-romantic, tantrum-throwing, pink-bicycle-riding{childish}, E.Q-below-low lecturer, oh yes, he called himself a lecturer, is SUCH A FCUKING WASTE]

Besides, february test is coming up... and for a pink-bicycle rider, i dont think we can walk out of the exam hall in one piece... really.... he'll get his fucking chance to screw all of us at once.... AHHHH, life sucks....

pissing him off like that* = after he stomp his leg on the floor in class asking for sweets with his ever so "thunderous" voice, a Chindian guy, with guts, wrote a paper saying "If you dont want to teach, say so la" and put on a handsome signature, brought the paper in front of Mr. ***, and dropped it on his table IN FRONT OF HIM.. the next thing we see was, he ran to the toilet, tears in his eyes... yes, such pitiful guy... he squated and sobed in front of the guy's urinary thing [attached on the wall, c'mon if u really couldnt imagine just walk in a male's washroom and check what is attached on the wall, again, able to let you pee on it] ...

yes, another lecturer walked in and ACCIDENTALLY kicked him in his ass causing him to dunk, YES, DUNK, his face into the pool of chrysantanum tea... ahhh, paradise...

well, what could i say? he came back a happy man!!

OMG MY SEEFU IS ON HOLIDAY!!!!

2008-12-04T06:47:00.000-08:00

My seefu ran away, now i vely vely sad.

He dunwan tell us where he go, but i suspect he go to BKK. Not buh-kar-keh, BKK as in bangkok la...

He say that he going sumwhere special with his family. I dont believe him because yesterday i still see ahbeng. he was looking in longkang for fishy. I think my seefu go to bangkok to "enjoy" himself at that place. you know, Thailand has got very good martial arts there. He went there to learn some "new moves".

his wife say that he went somewhere fishing for 3 day. I know what he fish for lah, not fish lah... He fish for human. Simply throw can catch wan. Wait. In his case ah, maybe not. Human fish no like longkang smell. If got US dollah in the longkang then maybe they like, otherwise i dont think so lah.

Then today i got one miss call from seefu. So i call him back ask him what happen lah.
he say that he go fishing then he catch one beautiful fish wan. The fish was girl wan. then he see until nosebleed, so he take back to his hotel lo. Then slowly slowly he discover that fish was actually male fish =.=

now he say that tomorow he coming back because he scare later he get taste sodo-mee...

The "crane" stance!

2008-12-01T00:59:00.000-08:00

today my seefu showed us something really special!

He thought us the crane stance! That also by mistake!!!! OMG HE REVEALED THE SECRET!

What happened was that he was trying to teach us how to tell if something swing swing when he accidentally decided that it would be nice to act like retard on stage.

he jump jump jump until hole come i tell you. Then what happen is that one leg masuk hole and one didnt. He immediately do the stance to save his life and it obviously worked cauz if it didnt, i wouldn't be blogging about it lah.

anyways, seefu said that we all should learn this technique so that we can also save our lifes from the angel of death. I think that if we learn technique, we just save but from pain. That is all.

He also say that the kontractor who build the stage is lousy. He say that the man is retard and that he should go pcc in toilet because he would be better in doing that rather than building lousy stages with hole in middle of it.

Right now my backside hurt abit because seefu kick it for no reason. I go sleep. tatarz!

My seefu and the kayu.

2008-11-28T02:03:00.000-08:00

in the new kungfu batch, there is only 4 studen.
out of the 4 studen, only one is boy.
My seefu say that he is very kayu. I think seefu is just jealous that he has to share the 3 girl with him.
The studen name is hammababba and he say that my seefu is retard.

My seefu said that when he teach him, he start with basic. He teach him how to tie knot. He tie this way, then that way, then repeat 5 time, hammababba still dont understand how to tie -_-
Then he get angry so he say that hammababba is useless and that he was kick his backside.

hammababba also a bit retard. He believe the old man and jadi scared. He go home tell his fader that seefu harass him and like to massage the other 3 studen, but never massage him. so he jealous.

hammababba's fader also kayu. He run straight to the principal and complain that hammababba was harrased by old man and that he should be kicked out and that he wan to beat seefu up....

At this point ah, i think seefu pants were wet, but he never tell us, so we dont know.

My seefu say that lucky he so old now he no energy beat up hammababba's fader. I think he lying, he seem so energetic today massage this girl that was sitting right at the end of the row.

I think my seefu is a coward. I duno lah, that is my personal opinion.

I think he now start brush teeth. Today class not that bad. still smell like longkang, but today it smell like empty longkang.

Shah Rukh Khan’t come to receive Datukship

2008-11-20T01:06:00.000-08:00

Yah, my seefu say not that he kant come, is because he paiseh. He have to kneel to one uncle and receive his "knight hood" from Malaysia. later he go around say he is knight of Malaysia, they throw slipper at his face.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
In other news, ahbeng wants an MP3 PLAYER!!!!!!!
He went up to seefu and this is how it went.
AhBeng: Daddy ah....
Seefu: *Snort* *Snort*
AhBeng: DADDY ARRRRH!
Seefu: HAMI SU LA..... karneneh...
AhBeng: what is garneneh...
Seefu: Nothing lah... its like say hello....
AhBeng: Oic....
Seefu: Now apa lu mau?
AhBeng: The otherday ah daddy, i go library see all my friend have something in ear. Then i ask what that, they say that is call MP3 Player.
Seefu: so? -__-
AhBeng: Well.... daddy wa pun ai... *shows gay face*
Seefu: okay. Today i in good mood lah son. here is one dollar. Go buy....
AhBeng: erm daddy Mp3 Player cost 100+++++++++++
Seefu: WHAT? WHY SO EXPENSIVE? U WAN LISTEN TO SONG FOR 100 DOLLAH AH?
AhBeng: *starts to cry*
Seefu: I tell you what, You take house radio, put in battery, carry around THEN SYOK DE BAH....
AhBeng: But in library woh.....
Seefu: NEVERMINDONELAH!!!! YOUR UNCLE HEAD OF LIBRARY NIA MAH!
AhBeng: OOOO okay lo....

That is why, when ahbeng enter library, very noisy.

seefu n tofufar.

2008-11-16T05:33:00.000-08:00

My seefu say that the tofufar taste nice. I duno how he can eat the tofu if its far. I think he wan say tofunear, but because he retard he say tofufar.

The otherday my kungfu mate see my seefu going to happy feet. So he go say hello to him. End up he have to join seefu. Sumore must pay for both. =.=

Then to make things worse, kungfumate and seefu go to vegitarian lunch. My seefu order
chou toufu with fry vegitable.

When they come back to school ah, i tell you... My seefu talk ah, whole phour oo phour pengsan. Only one person remain solo there still enjoying every word said from my seefu. Sumore ask for massage :p

Then he angry cause he think we all sleep. He call us kayu and then say that if we were studen in his old school, he wack us de. But since new school say that cannot wack, he cannot wack. I think that they put this rule so that later the old man dont die. he wack one big fella, big fella wack him ah i tell you.... even you ex kungfu master boh tahan ah.... sure pengsan...

My seefu like ride moto. he say when he drive can mell fresh air. I pity people riding moto behind him.... smell longkang whole way... =.=

the other day i go supermarket i see my seefu. Guess where he go? He go shampoo section... so i folo lo, he take 1 bottle put in basket. i quickly go to shelf see what bottle it was...

It was shampoo that say "prevent hair loss". I make joke, i go take other bottle that say "long and shiny" and replace it in basket.

the only time i see my seefu in car is when his wife leave school. they had to build one special car for him with no roof and big seat. Because if got roof, everyone die becauz too smelly inside, big seat is because they wan balance out his weight. If they dun do like that, later car got one big hole.

blackout in cinema!

2008-11-15T07:14:00.000-08:00

the other day i go with friend to see movie bah.

what happen is very simple. i wen with 2 friend go watch new moovie called shames bong. Now, in the movie right very nice wan. Alot of boom here boom there, but i see nothing special like last time, you know like shoot shoot come out from exhaust bipe and all that bah. This time drive like phast and phurious only...

Now what happen is that seefu and ahbeng were sitting in the projektor room watching movie lah. Don't ask me how they masuk there, becauz i dont know. All i know is that while advertisement playing, i hear thump thump in room and then i hear ahbeng call my name. I turn around wave then continue watch blue car that lady like so much.

Then movie start right. watch watch till one part that shames bong fall down from aeroplane and fall into one hole in ground. When he hit ground hard ah, ahbeng panic de. He get so excited that he use the the "special puke technique" on my poor seefu. My seefu sure cannot take it. He vomit all his dim sum on the projektor and sad case, short circuit de.

then obviously everyone angry bah, but everyone just sit wait. Then 5 minute later i decide go outside check what happen. On the way to main entrance of cinema, i see my seefu and ahbeng run like mad to the THX cinema where they were showing maa-daa-gas-kar.

Then after 10 minute i realise not only our cinema no movie, all 12 cinema boh movie de. Then see food stand also boh light, ticket counter boh light and shop opposite also boh light.

Then seefu and ahbeng walk out of maa-daa-gas-kar like duno what happen. then i look properly, they not come out alone woh! ahbeng come out hanging on 1 boy's shoulder, seefu come out with one girl massage massage. then i look closely, MY KUNGFU MATES LAH!!!!

then they quickly take seefu and ahbeng down stair so that later no problem bah. on the way downstair, seefu tell one story. Tmmrow i share. then the company announce that they give refund for all ticket. SO we all run to counter, but too late...

line so long that while standing there my seefu finish walk home also =.=

After about 2 day we get back our money. each person only get 6 dollah. so sad. We think can get free ticket because cinema wan say sorry mah, BUT NO!

malaysia boleh.

Today i haircut!

2008-11-13T09:20:00.000-08:00

Today i wen with my black black friend go hair kut.

We walk walk then suddenly see got one saloon cut+wash for only 5 DOLLAH!!!!!

so we go in.

the aunty behind counter ask: yes can i help you?

I was like we walk into saloon what u expect us to do. so i say haircut lo.

Then she take out price list, say if you want this person cut is 20 dollah, if u want this person is 25 dollah, if you want this person is 30 dollah...

I ready to walk out de. Then my black friend say "outside say 5 dollah!!!"

Then lady say like as if she forgot to mention... "that one is student cut your hair wan."

I look at black friend, he look at yellow friend, we both look at aunty and say okay lo...

Wahhh i tell you, she quickly take out reciept book so fast that even my seefu cant beat. Then she write down 10 dollah big big, then say: please pay now...

I stand there smile know that that would be the most nonsense haircut i ever get.

Then we sit down lo. one girl come to me, one girl go to black friend. They start put shampoo on hair. My hair too short, so when she rub rub, soap fly everywhere.... i also dun care care just as long as soap no masuk my eye.

Then after wash and all, time to cut. The pro guy come look at black friend first. I think the pro is gay and like my friend alot. anyways, he talk talk then cut cut abit then look at girl ask her do like that lo.

Then he come to my side. i say what i want he use machine cut one side then ask girl continue.

The girl spend 10 minute cut the other side but i look in mirror still look the same =.= Then she try to act like pro, end up cutting my ear. -,-

Actually i know she hit my ear or sumthing cauz i feel like pinch like that, but i never know that can bleed, then suddenly she run away.... i was like WHERE U GOING....

3 minute later she come with tissue start wipe wipe then i know that must be bleed de. Ironically when she run to get tissue paper, the pro lady there saw her. So she bussy boddy lai see what happen.

Then she see me stoning there with girl wipe my ear and shaking like world gonna end. so to make life better for everyone, she take over. Now the girl stand there like retard watch, and i have to explain my hairstyle to another pro again...

then suddenly she disappear. then when she come back, she had a huge BELT with duno what scissors lah, hair spray lah, blade lah, hair pin lah, this lah, that lah... i sit there smile to myself: this is true pro :D

Then she cut cut. Then i ask her make design on my head, she do a good job. I no make noise about my cut ear because i know that i got a 30 dollah haircut for only 5 dollah.

WAAAAAA EXAM STRESS!!!

2008-11-12T06:35:00.000-08:00

tmmrow is my kungfu theory paper.
They will ask all kind of stupid question trick us.
My seefu say that the kungfu.inc is useless and that they cheat whole world.
He also said that annn waaar is good man, but till now no see anything happen...
I am go to study for paper tmmrow.

Dum Dum bullet!

2008-11-11T08:12:00.000-08:00

This is quite old story that seefu repeated like 15 times in class, but its okay, i shall share with you.

He say last time when japan fight u-kay, they had big problem. he say japan create a special bullet. He say that they discovered that if you shoot a bullet that is very slow ah, when it hit ur body, it make big hole tear out ur flesh wan. If u use fast bullet, then when bullet masuk ur body no pain, bullet keluar also no pain. but because of lag, 5 second later then only you feel pain...

so he say that japan start using those bullet. Then they shoot damn slow, but when u kena, you scream like ur rounds rounds fall off....

now he say that they ban that bullet from use de. because it affect people emotionally....

If u go wikipedia search dum dum bullet, u'll see that my seefu talk semi-nonsense again. i think he going kuku since now no more durian season. You see, my seefu last time eat 10 durian for dinner...
my friend say that if seefu can eat 10 durian for dinner, he will PCC in public...
lets see what happen now....
i wan to sleep later i tell u better story...

My seefu was taikor u know! :o

2008-11-08T07:49:00.000-08:00

OMFG!!!!!!
My seefu last time was a gangster!!!!
Wah his story ah, damn chun. This is how it goes.

Last time you see, before he started working for kayudanunik.ptd.ltd, he was working in one retard school. now in this retard school got alot of bully. When i say retard school, i mean SCHOOL FOR RETARD.

now one day, 3 boys come to the school. They start bullying the blind children. They press here, press there. My seefu see from his room. He wan do something but he was too scared. So he go pass water first.

then after he relieve his bladder de, he think to himself. Then he get idea.

Now he go outside, challenge the 3 boys. He say "GET OUT!!!! IF U COME HERE AGAIN, I SHOW U."

now imagine u are one of the 3 boys. U see old retard come out of building challenge you, what u do? sit down and cry? Hell no, you CHALLENGE HIM BACK LO.

So they take out PARANG and all. and challenge my seefu. my seefu almost wet his pants, but he control using the taufufartheory which i will explain some other time.

My see fu then say that he is great Cb Gang leader and that he have black belt in karate. the 3 boy see old man say that he know karate, they all drop parang laugh till pangsai.

then my seefu take action. he open his mouth and BURP. They all 50 meter away, almost die i tell you. then they obviously Run away like mad.

Then my seefu masuk school, straight go toilet cauz his peepee wanna come out de. then after 5 min, he come out and brag about how he syok chase all 3 gangster away.

when he told kungphuclass 4, we all laugh till lausai i tell you. He so happy think we laugh at his joke, little does he know that we laugh at his nonsense.

AhBeng's identity revealed!!!!!

2008-11-06T08:07:00.000-08:00

Now basically AhBeng [now his name is Michelangelo.] likes this girl lah. She very hot hot wan, and now she model de. Michelangelo like her but because no guts, he shy tell her.

So one day he mentioned it to his kungfu buddies lo, and they all tease him about it, so he angry at them.

Then one day, he decide to "move in". So he go to model ask her to fetch him go home because his car battery spoil cauz water dry up. She agree lo becauz his house on da way go her house mah. She drive him go home nothing happen lah because he no ballz mar.

Then slowly slowly he get her to drive him home more more time. He make new excuse now say that his kar kena chopp by seefu.

She also dun care care like that becauz no problem wat. Then one day his kungfu mates see that he stare stare in model's direction during kungfu theory, so they start tease him again lo.

They tease him so much till he paiseh so he try pretend like he gay so that they stop tease him with her.

Kungfu mates also no care, they just make sure that they stay far far away from him and don't let him sit behind or next to them.

One day one kungfustudent bring poker game on handphone to play in the room. He start to discuss with other mates on how to win and all that lo.

This gay bugger [Michelangelo] also wan know what happening. so he come sit, listen and pretend that he know what others talking. Then after some time others leave the poker guy alone to play his game bah, then Michelangelo move in.

He ask how to play ah? but the student smart. He know that Michelangelo cannot play poker because his religion dont allow hm gamble. He say cannot teach becauz later if he kena caught, he can go jail wan.

Then Michelangelo start to put hand around poker's shoulder and start resting his head on his shoulders to watch the poker game on small screen.

Poker player jump up and screem WTF, slap him and straight go police station to make report.

On the way to station, he see model. She ask him y he so piss. He tell whole story. She say that she know Michelangelo and say nvm bah, so poker say what the heck: nvm lo.

Then next day while poker on the way home, he meet model again. She ask him if he see Michelangelo. He say no. then he offer to call Michelangelo for her lo.

Michelangelo see that poker is calling his phone so he press red button. Poker thought problem with his cheap hadphone so he borrow phatz phone to call Michelangelo lo.

This time Michelangelo pick up. Then he realise that it is poker on the line. He tell poker to STFU and GTFO and go PCC.

Poker quickly tell him reason why he call him and hang up lo. Ahbeng come running like a dog to place that poker, model and phatz are waiting. Poker tell Michelangelo that he is B-tard and walk off.

next day Michelangelo try wipe ass. but poker ignore. Then at night he try call poker but poker suspect that he is gay so he no pick up. After 30 minutes Michelangelo call again and listen to caller ringtone which was the song "apologise." [its tooooo late to apologise....] he then give up.

Then next day poker and phatz need take bus home. So poker ask people drive him to bus station,but everyone pretend no hear. then model was there. She say hat she can drop them there lo. so they all walk to model's car go lo.

On the way they see Michelangelo walk on side of road all alone and "emo emo" so they pity him and say nvm, we give him lift home lo.

They stop in middle of road and open door for him enter car, he mai. They wait there 3 minute in middle of road with door open ask him masuk car, he mai. so poker slam door, show middle finger and they drive off lo.

Then 4 minute later Michelangelo call phatz phone. he start yelling say that he and poker malu him infront of model by asking her to stop for him and al that rubbish lah. Poor phatz dunno how to handle the situation, so he pass phone to poker.

Poker blur blur so he say hi and try to talk. Michelangelo call him a babi and press red button.

Next day whole kungphuclass 4 know what happen. All very angry at Michelangelo. when poker and phatz go down stair buy drink, model shout and scold Michelangelo for being a b-tard. She scold so hard till poor guy cry non-stop for many day.

Now Michelangelo change name to Batman-bin-suparman and remain gay for life.

kongseefarchai!

2008-11-06T05:00:00.001-08:00

aunties, uncles, brothers, sisters, fellow see-fu's in training, all the NTWB's [espically ahbeng.... no wait, its Michelangelo now.]

One of my fellow kungfu trainees has a "special friend" lah. Now basically this special friend is new to our kung fu school. To make things worse ah, the "special friend" is girl.

Today morning ah, my seefu call 3 students do "special" practical training in the very secure room which obeys the tofu theory lah. actually got four, but the fourth one is boy lah, so not counted.

now my seefu is very clever. He use techniques ah, WAAAAAAAAAA syok i tell you. He can stand on his head and teach you how to tie knots and all. he wont do for the guys, but he do for the special people. then he go home and fap fap fap. [its on google.com].

Or maybe he fap in front of them i dont know. maybe they also play inside i duno. cauz if they lie i duno.

Now today he told them one story. This one is real wan ah.

My seefu last time in ARMY u kno. He was a sniper.

Dont play play ah. He so pro that once last time, just before he was going to kill a very important person, he left his bag of bullets in his car. but by the time he realised it, it was too late. So guess what my seefu do? he throw the scope of the sniper almost 1+ KM and it hit the guy's neck and then that caused his life vein to tear. The poor guy becasme a fountain and died soon.

After that incident, my seefu love to eat chicken neck. he say that everytime he see a chicken neck, it remind him of his famous strike on that "person". He say when he chew, SYOK OOOOH, but then he also say that teach kungfu practical with his 3 new students is better.

Then he also mentioned that he know how to make BOOM!!!!!!!!!!

My mouth go like this:

I then quickly ask him teach me how to do. After i agree to buy him one bucket of chicken neck, he finally agree. He say do this:

Go hospital
stare at nurse
masuk germoderaphy loom.
i was like wtf is germoderaphy loom.
Then he say its where u treat cancer.
i was like damn. AHBENG also know how to spell.
then he say nvm
then he say u BE A MAN
DO THE RIGHT THING
BUY THE PURSE
no wait that was russell peters.
he said go to the machine
open up and steal the RADIOACTIVE SUBSTANCE!
then go home and keep.
Repeat the stealing step a phew timez.
Then u have enuf de.

Then you go home, and get 1 gas cylinder. U cut open. then you fill with gunpowder and make like small place to put flyFM inside. [RADIOactive mah]

then u carry that go up tall building 28 floor and light gas tank. Then u kill many many many people include urself.

He say he do before, very sucessful woh...

i know he shit too much, i get up, order dim sum for him then leave.

my firend cycle into a bus.

2008-11-04T06:54:00.000-08:00

okay lah, not my friend, but actually my seefu.

He was infront of my friends house, and he was cycling lah. And basically there was this school bus parked on the side of the road. Now he was cycling VERY VERY phast.

Now he was dreaming and basically to cut this very boring long story about a 25 meter cycle, he smacked into the bus lah.

u wanna know what happened to him? [and the bus?]

Well.

Scroll down.

The bus:

My seefu

sad case

2008-11-04T04:31:00.000-08:00

Today i hear something.
My kungfu buddies [all the fat ones] went and "mentioned" tofublog to one of the many seefu's [are females also called seefu? i never heard anybody call a lady seefu. maybe its becauz chinese shows dont promote it, or its because i dont watch chinese shows.]

Now here i am wondering if i should close this blog down. Later if my seefu find out i share his secret here on the "indernet" i kena. Sumore dont forget that ahbeng is part of the NTWB [ninja turtle wanna-bees]

I would just like to say that this blog is for entertain puropse only and that i everything here is just for fun. My seefu is very good at kungfu and i hope he later dont smack me too hard. because if he do that, i show him Watermelon theory. :D

Tmmrow i have one very hard kungfu theory paper in which i have to memorize all steps and predict what step will lead where. Also i must remember that this is not multiple choice and that i cannot "shoot hand gun" during exam.

[if you dont get the shoot hand gun thing, translate it. now have a good laugh. okay shuddup because people are staring at you.]

I want to ask you if you have heard of this thing call FREE MOVIE TICKETS?

My friend go cinema and come out, free 8 ticket.

U wan know how get?

VERY SIMPLE.

My friend masuk inside with 3 other friends and unfortunatly, seat was broken. =.=

So they give FREE 8 TICKET =.=

NEXT TIME U GO WATCH MOVIE, YOU JUMP ON SEAT AND PROVE THAT TOFUTHEORY WORK AND TARDAR! FREE TICKET!

I can suggest a way to get more free ticket, but cannot say here because some people might read my blog then i bye bye. Look Out for the NEW TOFUTHEORY coming soon!!!!!