Harlal Pork

The Malaysian government has announced that effective of today, a harlaarl version of barbee will be havailable.

The ministry officially announced today that rumours that have been circulating the community are in fact true.

Malaysian scientists recently discovered a gene that could in fact make barbee safe for consumption. The technique was discovered accidentally when the scientists were in fact looking for a cure to the rising problem of mat-rempit-syndrome which is rapidly spreading throughout the country as thousands of "people of the earth" decide to race through the streets with "modified" 5cc Motorbikes, around the city in attempts to look cool.

The kelantan government has reportedly built a special track that provides for these 5cc bikes to race and show off. A study was conducted and it was discovered that shockingly, mat rempit only race after 9pm. The tracks are only open from 9AM to 5PM. Ahbeng, a member of the C Mat rempit commented on this saying that the track was made by kayu people and that he prefers racing at home.

Special shops will be set up by the ministry and these meat will be available for prices ranging from RM50 to RM100 per KG.

The story of 1 against 25,274,132

News source has confirmed that a secret organization that hates all races other than the "native people" have waged a war against all aliens in Malaysia. The M(KKK), a Malaysian version of the KKK have claimed that they were responsible for the injection of the H1N1 virus into Malaysian soil.

A man who bordered a Malayan Airlines flight from NY to KL was the carrier for the deadly virus that is now spreading across Malaysia. The carrier made sure that the infection would spread by coughing into the air conditioning system on the plane. He also blew his nose into a piece of tissue paper and left it on his table so that the H1N1 would be able to spread.

Officials in KLIA failed to detect the presence of the H1N1 virus despite having millions of ringgitz in fund. The source of the error was due to the fact that the employees had gone to drink a few Heineken's in one of the stairwells.

Malaysian authorities refused comment.

UPDATE!

We have just received news that the flu has spread to The Island of Penang. Authorities are saying that in order to protect all other civilians on mainland, the island has been quarantined. No one is allowed in or out, without bio hazard suits. The authorities have stated that if necessary, Malaysia will use nuclear weapons to vaporize the island in an attempt to clear aliens and the H1N1 virus.

"It is like killing 2 stones with one bird" was the exact word the chief of the H1N1 squad used to describe the shocking situation.

The chief is a known member of the MKKK.

God save us all.

How i tortured a Live Assistance person.

I went here and discovered a LIVE ASSISTANCE BUTTON ON THE SIDE.

I decided to torture this poor soul. "Her" name is "Margaret" and the products that they sell are robots. the scooba and the dirt dog are 2 products thet they sell.
I am obviously "samual young"
p.s i know its long, but i pissed her off in the end. LOL! MUST READ MUST READ!!!!

ENJOY.
______________________________________________________________


Margaret: Hi, my name is Margaret. How may I help you?
Samual Young: hello
Margaret: Hi.
Samual Young: margret is a stupid name.
Samual Young: are u a fat guy in disguise?
Samual Young: anyways
Samual Young: i would like to know more about the irobot scooba
Margaret: What would you like to know about it?
Samual Young: i would like to know how much the entire set would cost.
Samual Young: ...including the dock and all that fatty.
Margaret: Scoobas start at $299.99. These are the current prices on our online store*:
iRobot Scooba® 330 model: $299.99 (+ applicable taxes and shipping)
iRobot Scooba® 350 model: $399.99 (+ applicable taxes and shipping)
iRobot Scooba® 380 model: $499.99 (+ applicable taxes and shipping) **ON SALE NOW- only $449.99!

* Prices are subject to change. Please visit our website for current pricing and specials.
Samual Young: that is just for the robot right?
Samual Young: how bout extra brushes
Samual Young: and how long do the brushes last?
Margaret: The brush in the Scooba will last for about one year, although this can be shortened, depending on use.
Samual Young: wow a year....
Samual Young: does it use water?
Margaret: Yes.
Samual Young: then i have to fill it up?
Margaret: Yes, before running the Scooba you would fill it up with water.
Samual Young: and how long will the water last?
Samual Young: a year?
Margaret: One cleaning cycle, or 45 minutes.
Samual Young: so let me get this straight. i have to refill the "robot" manually every 45 minutes?
Margaret: Yes. The dirty tank would need to be emptied and then the clean tank filled.
Samual Young: why cant it do that automatically?
Margaret: At this time it is not a design feature of the Scooba.
Samual Young: Oh i see.
Samual Young: i think if i use a mop, it takes about 45 minutes before i have to refill the pail.
Samual Young: so why should i switch to the "robot"?
Margaret: Becuase with the robot, you would not be doing the mopping.
Samual Young: But if i use a mop, i dont do the mopping anyways. My maid does.
Margaret: It is possible then, that the Scooba might not be the best robot for you then.
Samual Young: and do you have any other robots that might be the best robot for me?
Samual Young: i live in a house that has 15 bedrooms
Samual Young: so it would be nice if there was a robot that does not need to be filled every 45 minutes
Margaret: I do apologize for the inconvenience. At this point we do not have any robots that would be able to do all 15 plus rooms at one time.
Samual Young: how many of those scoobas would i need?
Samual Young: 1 per room?
Margaret: The Scooba 380 can do up to 4 rooms on a single battery charge.
Samual Young: but 15 is not divisible by four... :(
Samual Young: and these rooms are prob. as big as your house.
Samual Young: do you have a house by the way?
Margaret: The Scooba 380 can clean 850 sq feet on a single battery charge.
Samual Young: that is the size of 2 rooms sadly.
Samual Young: have you heard of my house?
Samual Young: its very famous
Margaret: Do you have any other questions about the Scooba that I can assist you with?
Samual Young: you are very rude. I am asian and it is customary to ask such type of questions to individuals that we meet
Samual Young: i would like to know your refrence number so that i can submit a complaint to your manager
Samual Young: i am sure he would understand my disappointment.
Margaret: I do apologize. I do not have a reference number. I am the only Margaret here.
Samual Young: If there are so few people assisting us customers
Samual Young: how can we trust your company?
Margaret: May I answer any other questions you have about the Scooba?
Samual Young: i have some questions on the dirt dog
Samual Young: will you answer them?
Margaret: I can assist with questions about the Dirt Dog.
Samual Young: or are you specifically assigned to the scooba only?
Samual Young: okay
Samual Young: i would like to know
Samual Young: will you answer my question?
Margaret: If it is about the Dirt Dog or another iRobot robot I will answer your question.
Samual Young: i just typed a question but you didnt answer me.
Samual Young: the question was regarding the dirt dog
Margaret: I do apologize. It does appear that the question did not come through properly. I am unable to see the question you are referring to.
Samual Young: could i suggest that your company upgrades its internet line as well as its old ass computers.
Samual Young: this is very fustrating for us customers.
Samual Young: my question was
Samual Young: if i were to leave it alone in my garage and if it were to pick up materials such as small parts of a machine that im building, would it damage those parts?
Margaret: It probably would not damage those parts.
Samual Young: but those parts are made up of very delicate sillicon material that would decompose on exposure to temperatures above 30 degrees.
Samual Young: is it that hot inside the "robot"
Samual Young: ?
Margaret: No, it is not very hot.
Margaret: It would not be good though, to run the Dirt Dog in below freezing tempurtures.
Samual Young: who in the world has a freezing garage? are u stupid?
Samual Young: i would like to know exacly how hot it is inside the "robot"
Margaret: I do apologize. We do not have that information avalible.
Samual Young: oh i see.
Samual Young: a rough estimate perhaps?
Margaret: The Dirt Dog is going to be very close to the temperature of the room you are running it in.
Samual Young: so if my garage was as lets say an aprox of 15 degrees, the temperature inside the DD would be exacly 15 degrees?
Margaret: No. It would be around that temperature though.
Samual Young: okay.
Samual Young: that is good.
Samual Young: how do i dispose of the waste collected?
Margaret: The way that you dispose of the rest of the trash in your house.
Samual Young: that was not what i meant. i meant how would i dispose of the dirt it collected? is there a throw away bag inside, or is it like a vaccum cleaner?
Margaret: It is like a bagless vacuum cleaner. There is a Dust Bin on the back of the Dirt Dog that pulls off. Then, the debris in the Dust Bin can be emptied into a trash can.
Samual Young: if the dirt contained liquid?
Margaret: The Dirt Dog is not designed to pick up liquids of any kind. It would void the warranty on the Dirt Dog. It would also, most likely, do internal damage to the Dirt Dog.
Samual Young: how about mud?
Margaret: Mud would be considered a liquid.
Samual Young: semi-liquid mixture actually. so then the dirt dog can only pick up dry materials? what happens if there is liquid on my floor? am i supposed to check my entire floor for liquid before i can run the dirt dog? -____-
Margaret: Yes. We would recommend checking the floor for any liquid first.
Samual Young: what a useful "robot"
Margaret: Is there any other questions you have today about the robot?
Samual Young: can the roomba pick up ud?
Samual Young: mud*
Margaret: No. It would do the same thing to the Roomba as the Dirt Dog.
Samual Young: http://store.irobot.com/shop/index.jsp?categoryId=2804605
Samual Young: the image
Samual Young: shows
Samual Young: mud
Samual Young: on the floor
Margaret: It actually looks like dry dirt to me.
Samual Young: it came from a pot which contained a plant. the "dirt" would have contained some amount of water and so it is considered as mud. so the "robot" can actually pick up mud.
Margaret: In the picture it clearly looks dry, not wet or liquefied. If it were, the person would need to dry the floor first before running the Roomba, per the warranty.
Samual Young: so the "dirt" on the floor has to be 100% DRY?
Margaret: yes, it does.
Samual Young: Okay
Samual Young: thank you
Samual Young: you have been very helpful
Samual Young: i would like to place an order for 15 roombas
Samual Young: is there anyway i could mention your name there or something so that they know that it was you who helped me?
Margaret: Thank you for chatting with us. Here is a link for convenient shopping:
http://clickserve.cc-dt.com/link/click?lid=41000000010125513&mid=C3388
Samual Young: wow. are you always strictly professional?
Samual Young: do you ever go out of your way to make a customer happy?
Margaret: If you use that link, it will let them know that I was the one assisting you.
Samual Young: thank you for NOT telling me that before.
Samual Young: I have a sort of personal question for you. would you answer it?
Margaret: No, I am not required to answer personal questions, so I would not.
Samual Young: I just wanted to know if you personally use a cleaning robot at home
Samual Young: thats all.
Samual Young: would you be able to answer that?
Margaret: Yes, I do use a robot at home.
Samual Young: so you did answer a personal question :D
Samual Young: does it work well?
Samual Young: any problems with it?
Margaret: I do not have any issues with it. It works very well for me.
Samual Young: did you get it free? or did you pay for it?
Margaret: I would consider that question too personal to answer.
Samual Young: do you have a problem with asian people?
Margaret: No, I do not. I do not answer that question for any customer.
Samual Young: If your husband was your customer, would you have answered the question?
Margaret: That is a personal question as well.
Samual Young: do you have a house? (is this too personal as well?)
Margaret: Do you have any more questions about robots? If not I will terminate this chat.
Samual Young: do you use a robot to pleasure yourself?
---------Margaret has disconnected.